Are feminists creating more gay men?
The more frustrated I get with my voice assistant for not understanding me, the less likely I am to use a voice where it is going to understand me.
I bet Rain Man would have made a really great pharmacy technician
Germ-X made me think of something interesting.
How do we know the dryer is the one stealing socks? Does anyone match up their socks from washer to dryer?
Reading in the future will seem very primitive. Kids will learn that we had to manually input information and sentiment by scanning our eyes across words on a page.
The difference between manslaughter and murder is whether or not the toaster was already plugged in before you threw it in the bath.
Were all the animals in the garden of Eden herbivores? Or did they eat each other?
When Swimmers Shave, are they doing it to be aerodynamic, or hydrodynamic?
Do people who participate in things like tying knots competitions or being seaman etc., ever see a fucked of bunch off shit tied together by an 8 year old and think “That’s the Yosemite Bowline!” Meaning, is there ever really a bad knot?
It makes no sense that most misogynists are also homophobic against gay men. If from their point of view women are inferior to men then they should view a relationship between two men as superior.
Pain meds feel more like “why doesnt this medicine stop this small pain I’m feeling right now” meds
I wonder what animal noises mimicked by people sound like in other languages.
I didn’t give up, I just realised it isn’t worth fighting
When things go badly, people say their lives have gone downhill. However, going downhill is easier than a flat or uphill, and so are people really saying their lives have gotten easier?
In the near future, there will be a lot of Mandela Effect posts saying Tom Lehrer already died "in [my] timeline"
If a potato is growing sprouts in my pantry, and i take it and peel it did i just skin it alive?
The world will not wait for the choices you agonize over, so why should you?
What if time travelers visited Stephen Hawking's party back in 2009, but he didn't tell anyone so future wouldn't change
If we cant see god and everyone stops believing would he exist?
Pretty sure no one knows who steals the socks in your laundry. I know I don’t match them up between washer and dryer...
I feel like screaming when scared is a natural defense humans have to intimidate dangerous animals
Dumb post. No man can be a virgin because when they are born their dick rub the inside of their mother's vagina, so we lost our virginity through incest?
Many people dislike their own laugh which is really sad because that means that they are self-conscious in their moments of greatest joy
It makes no sense that most misogynists are also homophobic against gay men. If in their eyes women are inferior to men wouldn't a relationship between two men be superior?
I'm starting to think deaf people sometimes confuse people yawning for screaming
People who associate Trump to Hitler are so quick to support gun control and bans.
Disney should make a theme park dedicated to all short films.
Do deaf people sometimes confuse people yawning for screaming?
Everytime it rains, someone is mad because their plans have to be canceled, and someone else is thrilled because their plans have to be canceled
Does the word “Star Wars” make you think of the future or past?
I hate wearing colored pants, but always wear blue jeans with no second thought.
Bumper Cars are the worst, safest, driving simulator(s) that I can think of. You can learn to drive, at the cost of those around you singling you out as a target...
Should you really be scrolling this late?
If there is a God, we should all be nice to each other because that’s what it would want. If there isn’t a God, we should be nice to each other because we’re all we got.
How many of those “Idiots in Cars” are just out getting coffee?
The words devoid and void are two different words but when used have the same meaning
We like to play open world games but forget that we are playing the best one ever made constantly.
Quicksand isnt that big of a problem as an adult
Every single driver on the road thinks “man if everyone else drove like me, we’d have a lot less accidents.”
Why do we drive on parkways and park in driveways?
Men should be grateful they never have to experience the pain of childbirth. Women should be grateful that they never have to experience the pain of bent schlong in pants that are just slightly too tight.
I wonder if our nostrils would naturally be smaller but end up the size of a finger because we stretch them out while picking them...
Nothing gives you nostalgia more than the smell of a shampoo scent you haven't used for a while
Manufacturers should label the product with the same color as the recycling bin's it should go to
Putting your hand on a bible to “swear” the truth is really a cheat code for atheists.
I wish bully’s lost real fights as often as they do in online videos
Everyone jokes about the fact that Donald Duck doesn't wear trousers, but no one mentions that Mickey Mouse is topless
I've ran out of shampoo
What if fantasies and fables of the past were all true, and the slow disappearance of magic and the like is due to the Devs patching it out of the game?
How do zombies chew through the skull?
What if nature documentaries had flashbacks
If you spill a cleaning product did you make a mess?
If vampires are not allowed into my house without my permission, arethey allowed in my work since its my home away from home?
One of the best feelings is when you discover a fallen or out of place object and link the event to an unexplained noise you heard a few days prior.
I just realized that I can't prove nor disprove that all of you are a gigantic hallucination...
Bath and body works should make dryer sheets.
There should be mandatory classes in schools K-12 teaching manners and etiquette.
Hanging ballsacks is an upside down heart
If so many things in life are like riding a bike, what happens if I forget how to ride a bike. Will I forget everything?
What if Mars is our mother planet and Earth is our second home?
Every single time I shut the water off, ending another shower to face the day, I feel like a bit of a hero.
Being voted ‘least likely to succeed’ at school and achieving this would mean you’re actually successful
How many “Idiots in Cars” are getting coffee?
I hate being around fun people because they make me realize how uncomfortably un-fun I am.
Words are just noises we make in a specific way.
I only ever see men riding their bike with no hands.
I conclude that lime, ice, and tonic water combine to create an indescribable deliciousness when mixed with vodka.
Language and being able to communicate is the most underrated human entitlement.
It would be so cool if one day reincarnation was a proven thing, and we could trace certain people together. Like if Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, and Barack Obama were all the same person
If you were going to be the one to invent time travel, you would know about it by now as you would have time travelled back and met yourself.
I just thought that a deaf and a blind person will have a hard time communicating with each other.
I wonder how it would feel to be the first person to test if “friendly fire” is on in a virtual reality game
The phrase "That's kind of a dick move" must translate to "That gave me a slight erection" in some language.
Damn, im out of soap.
As a man I think it's pretty weird that in movies girls go to sleep and wake up with perfect makeup
We bury humans underground. Would things underground bury each other on the surface?
I wonder if the president really prefers the President's Choice products from Costco?
What if all the drivers that leave their blinker on are just trying to balance things out.
I like to think as I'm squeezing out my toothpaste it's like the tube is squeezing out a turd
What if the Fappening leaks and the Edward Snowden leaks were related. They happened relatively close to each other from what I remember. Ed could of leaked his collection to show how vulnerable we all are.
Avon was the MLM when I was a child
What if mental health issues are just our minds evolving into us having super powers?
If your own poo was the only thing you are would u have unlimited food?
Aren’t shower thoughts like campfire conversations?
Imagine if random plants could bark at you.
A beer drinker having a LaCroix is like a smoker having a Vape pen.. its a fruity knock-off of the real thing.
How doesn’t Chester Cheetah from Cheetos not have orange hands?
If I made enough money to drink at Starbucks I wouldn't be drinking at Starbucks.
Been a little bit since we heard about a big mass shooting.
Does anyone remember the scent of chloroform?
The Jurassic World sequel out now should have been subtitled “Fallen Queendom” because all the dinosaurs are female.
In Back To The Future, the bad guy is in fact Marty. He uses a time machine, to change the past, make his father rich and destroy Biff's life.
Doesn't matter if you're a man,woman,Gay or bisexual everyone likes a nice ass.
Quicksand is nowhere near the threat that 8 year old me though it'd be
What if oxygen is poisonous and it's slowly killing us over time?
Whoever proofread Mein Kampf was literally a grammar Nazi
So they have all kinds of meat restaurants around the world, but couldn't they have dinosaur meat restaurants in Jurassic World?
As a kid, I loved zoos because I loved animals. As an adult, I hate zoos because I love animals.
The sentence “I’m not in denial” is never valid.
The word "Rubber" is very weird when you think about it.
Can boss baby consent if he has the maturity of an adult?
Public bathroom exit door handles should ideally be the cleanest door handles if everybody is washing their hands correctly, yet they're the door handles that people least want to touch.
When something doesn’t make sense, doesn’t it, in some way, make sense?
Are raindrops like missiles to flying insects?
What if the random marks/ scratches we get on our body when we wake up is due to a magical adventure we had during the night but we can’t remember because our memories were wiped
what if when we die, we still actually feel everything physically and our nerve jumping is our bodies way of responding to pain and we even feel when we are being autopsied on.
I go to my search history to clear it way more times than I go to it for finding something I've been to.
No matter how bad I have to go take a shit, I would run back to get my cellphone even when I already entered the bathroom
I don't use Yelp when when deciding where to eat. My belly has it's own internal review system that always knows how to properly rate a restaurant.. unless its Chipotle.. Then that MF will lie its ass off to get me in the door 💩
Shouldn’t it be “hide and go find”?
There's always a Reddit thing i wont get...
No matter how old I get, my answer to the whether I want the haircut in back of my head rounded or squared will always be random.
Whenever I was on the beach as a child, I always wondered if there was any spot that had never been stepped on. Today I still wonder that
Reddit thinks blue raspberries are a political statement.
Thanks to Nintendo, the term “get the switch” has a completely different meaning now.
I think we reached the point when having your own cubicle should be considered a perk.
For me, real cookies are just like the ones you find on websites, I can't ignore them because they are everywhere.
Starting with 12 followers more than 2000 years ago, Jesus Christ's media campaign is heavily underrated.
What if sleeping is our natural state and we are only awake to gather information for dreams.
I wonder how many people have thrown away fortune cookies with winning lottery numbers
When I have to explain to my child....
No man can be a virgin since when they are born their dick rubs the inside of their mother's vagina. So tehnically we lost our virginity through incest
In written communication, more words make a message more clear. In verbal communication, more words make a message less clear.
If Top Gun 2 doesn’t have Ryan Gosling playing Goose’s son, I’m going to be sorely disappointed.
I would really love if someone invented a flying couch, so I’d never have to walk or drive I could just lounge around.
Its hard to sleep when we need to. Easy to sleep when you are not supposed to.
What if when you go to sleep, and you're dreaming, the dream is actually real life, and when you wake up, what seems like real life is actually the dream?
The Land of Oz must be in India, as India is the only place on Earth with Lions, Tigers, and Bears (Oh my!)
Why is 4 weeks considered a month but there’s only 1 month with 28 Days?
When you clean a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.
It’s not that I don’t have the time to watch a 2 minute gif, I just really don’t want to.
I blame vaccines for the rise in cases of Autism and for all these allergies that didn't exist in the past.
Nervous people and fidgeters should just buy hand exercisers and have insanely strong hands, fingers and forearms.
Songs with meaningless syllables in them (e.g. do doo la la la) probably started out with the songwriter going "and I'm not sure what to put here, but it will go like this: do do doo la la la" but it sounds so great that their producer says "go with that. It's perfect."
A bukkake is technically a baby shower
The word sheath is an onomatopoeia, its the sound the sword makes going in.
The song doesn't actually specify if Bingo is the dog's name or the farmer's name.
I'm surprised palm tattoos of beautiful women have never been done
If a tyrannical leader took over and decided "Everyone has to successfully do a backflip to save their lives", I imagine there'd be an uncomfortably high percentage of people dying as a result of landing straight on their heads.
The creator of r/ShowerThoughts might have had the idea to make it as a shower thought
Exposing the poor sanitary conditions of McDonalds would probably get more people to eat elsewhere.
Sometimes I wish I could text my dog when I'm away from home..just to see how they are doing or what they are up to.
Imagine what driving would be like if all cars within a certain range were connected to a voice chat channel
The creator of this subreddit probably had the idea to make it while in the shower
Agree to disagree means the same as disagree to agree
I probably learned more about sex by staying up late to watch Real Sex on HBO than I did in any school
Telling somebody you’d “give them gold if you could” is the equivalent of “sending thoughts and prayers”
Global distribution of lactase could help slow the pace of global warming
Trolls are as active in Pro-Trump sites as they are in Anti-Trump Sites, like reddit. However, both sides are to distracted by these trolls to realize their partaking in the feascal
Shouldn’t we be paying less for a digital version of a game since we are unable to sell it when we are done playing?
Waves should be "falling" not crashing
When people say something isn't real, doesn't the fact that they're able to think of it prove that it could have been real at some point?
Every single character on 'Friends' would call the cops on you for bringing weed to a party.
If Reddit was a cult, questioning, doubt, and dissent would be discouraged or even punished.
What if dogs collect sticks because back when we domesticated them we needed wood for fire/shelter
With Trump being the 45th president, we only have 7 more to go until we can have a presidential deck of cards.
Aren't Multiple 'Cheez-its' called 'Cheez-Thems?'
Automated messages should have a pause at the beginning that is just long enough to get through the greeting messages of voicemail. It's annoying when you can't hear the beginning of their scam.
Instead of telling people not to text and drive, we should be teaching safe phone use while driving.
A good showerthought usually makes a decent stonerthought but not necessarily the other way around.
Any other cult other than the Catholic Church would of been demolished long ago for their renowned and existent child molestation. Tolerance of this cult is dumbfounding....
Of the hundreds of song lyrics that I know, I wonder how many I have remembered incorrect.
At some point, the inventor of the hot air balloon must have said: "I'm gonna take some wicker, rope, canvas and use motherfucking fire to fly"
r/funny is like the Facebook of reddit
If you just brushed your teeth and you're cracking open a warm one, does it seem cold?
I just realized Bowser is a turtle.
With websites blocking European users because of GDPR, GDPR has the same result as censorship and thus prohibits free speech.
Say what you want to about Adolf Hitler, but he was the only one to kill Adolf Hitler.
Bible is considered by Christians “the Word of God,” yet many Christians would prefer to read words of JK Rowlings or Stephenie Meyer than that of their God.
How wide can a stick be before it’s no longer a stick?
Having to learn the metric system, back then as a kid reading news about cities experiencing 100 degrees of heat got me thinking those pour souls are getting boiled alive
I hated it as a kid, but the older I get the more I appreciate receiving a pack of socks as a gift.
They should make a bouncing soap so it's never awkward when we drop it during bath at jail
All letters of the alphabet are one syllable, except W which is three.
Am I the only one who feels like phone trees are a plague on this society? I'm so tired of them, just let me talk to a person.
If I ever get a band-related tattoo I'll make sure it depicts one of the old retired ones, so I don't have to worry about removing it when they turn shit.
If you spend enough time in Walmart, you'll see why politicians do what they do.
Punishments for crimes are just crimes with better names. Fines=Robbery. Jail=Kidnapping. Death Penalty=Murder.
What if mice are preparing to take over the world and are just biding their time until we have cured the species of all disease.
Getting a band-related tattoo one should make sure the tattoo depicts one of the old retired bands so he doesn't have to worry about removing it when the band turns to shit.
If the Mirror of Erised was called the Mirror of Desire, it would sound a lot less silly.
We are farther away from "Smells Like Teen Spirit", than 'Teen Spirit' was from The Who's "My Generation".
Why does it cost money to be alive?? You want food? Money. Thirsty? Money. Don’t wanna sleep on the ground? Money. Get sick? Money. Breath? Money.
Masculine isn't a very masculine sounding word.
Somewhere out there is someone that believes vaccines are bad AND the Earth is flat.
If Earth was a perfect sphere and you were walking in a line. Would be going uphill or downhill?
Where's King Latifah anyway?
Trained dogs in China know more Chinese than I do.
Good god
“A Cat’s Purpose” would be a terrible movie. But I’d kind of want to see it.... (dog person)
Measuring cups should have their own weight written on them, so you can just subtract it if you forget to press the tare button on the scale.
Swear words in different languages are like talking to your pet innocently
I imagine people with Stockholm syndrome are usually okay with it
What if Windows did not come with Internet Explorer pre-installed?
It adds a layer of realism when different video game characters pronounce the same name/proper noun differently.
Petition to always post tl;dr at the start of really long post rather than at the end?
Games used to be hit A and they jump. Now they are, before you start which tax bracket do you want your character to be in?
If the plural of Man is Men, and the plural of Woman is Women, the plural of Human should be Humen
How are we ever going to understand aliens if, after all this time, we still can't understand babies?
if fashion really does go in cycles, then as someone who doesn't really pay attention to those trends, my clothes will be cool again before I even know it.
The word 'wag' is completely exclusive to describing tails. Nothing else wags.
Is it at all possible to have the urine in your bladder freeze to ice, inside your bladder? Theoretically what would happen besides excruciating pain?
Vines are called vines because you watch one, think it's super funny, and then watch them for the next hour and a half.
A shower is just rain that you want
Reddit reposts are the best of, of last month.
If trial by combat was still a thing, the government would have a bunch of huge violent dudes waiting to just murder you. Then the courts would be like "Oh- looks like he did it, eh?"
It‘s more realistic when different video game characters say names differently.
AskReddit sucks a bag of dicks
I got hopeful when I realized it's been a while since we've heard of a school shooting, but then I also realized it's summer vacation.
'WWW' has more syllables than 'Word Wide Web'.
There should be a word for always picking the slowest line in a supermarket despite careful analysis.
Porn sites should ask questions only 90s babies remember before they let you in.
Sometimes redditors discard their comments because they are afraid they might get downvoted
If I had a choice to listen to a song while dying, I'd listen to one of Eminem's so I'd have an adrenaline rush and I'd have enough time to listen to one more song...
Do FBI agents have an FBI agent watch them on their computer
How much gas it takes for gas trucks to bring gas to gas stations?
If How I Met Your Mother was still on the air in 2018, there would be a running gag about how Ted keeps “Tedsplaining” to the group.
Ewe is pronounced like you and not like ew.
Maybe if I deflect my anxiety by caring about others more will make me happier
Does a straw have one hole or two holes?
Since there is only one me, does that make me endangered or limited edition?
Getting responded to by an OP of a high-upvote post is like winning a meet and greet with a celebrity
We fight warmth locally using fans and air conditioners that get powered by energy that increases warmth globally.
USB Type A is meant to be a 50/50 chance of first time insertion, however it still takes me 3 times to get it right.
Everyone who cares McCain died should have their health care taken from them. Ya know, to honor the great man.
The invention of Nickelodeon must have been the greatest invention ever for children growing up in the seventh-day Adventist religion.
Will our eyes be able to hold to always looking at a computer/tv screen when we are older
Dogs get catcalled all the time, and they love it.
If you watch a youtube video in 30FPS and set the playback speed to 2x, is the video technically 60fps?
Depression is like walking the scenic route with your head down. Just because you are going through the motions doesn't mean you're able to enjoy it.
Why are "good morning," "good afternoon," and "good evening" considered greetings, yet "good night" is considered a farewell?
Is calling someone "a snowflake" inadvertently calling yourself "a snowflake"?
What if every thought you’ve ever had in your life was is your own thought book
When deaf people talk to themselves, do they use sign language?
Manspreading should be widely accepted, the same way people give up seats to elderly and pregnant women.
Maybe time travel is possible, but travelers keep getting the past / future location of earth off and just end up in some random place in space.
Sometimes I wonder if my whole life is a show and everyone is playing a role except me. That would be the most boring show ever so it's probably not true.
To fight warmth localy we use fans and air conditioners that get powered by energy that increase warmth globally.
Sometimes video game NPCs pronounce names differently in the dialogue. It’s actually more realistic.
"Let's go" and "let us go" are the exact same words but when said aloud mean totally different things.
Christianity is basically the worlds biggest book club
What if we are the aliens that were sent to this planet and our purpose is to populate and colonize it and then create technology to find other habitable planets we can live on
What happens when a cemetery goes out of business?
Since there is only one you, does that make you engendered or limited edition?
Why is everyone on Reddit so harsh and quick to downvote
If womb is pronounced 'woom', and tomb is pronounced 'toom', bomb should be pronounced 'boom'.
Why isn’t BuzzFeeds food department called BuzzFood?
If we say "half a second," the 'second' is in singular form, but if we say "zero point five seconds" the 'second' is in plural form, but using the word 'second' as singular or plural doesn't make sense here anyway as there is neither a single or group of seconds
I wonder if I’ve ever passed a car in the road that’s been won on a game show