6ix 9ine’s name should be pronounced Six-icks Nine-ine
Rubber is a very strange word.
The best time to clean the shower is while taking a shower.
We always picture ourselves as the ones behind in technology, possibly visited by super futuristic aliens, but what if we are the super futuristic aliens? What if in 5,000 years we travel to a distant planet and find creatures just then experiencing the dawn of computers or an industrial revolution?
I wonder if when porn stars dudes finish, they get the same weird, regretful feeling right after, like most guys do, except x 1000
Why are white people expats while the rest of us are immigrants?
Humans are like hackers, and climate change is the way of nature banning us
If I was a tick I'd definitely hide in a hair brush
Dogs can recognize each other despite looking nothing different from one another
Toothpaste is really just good-tasting soap for your mouth.
Trying to fall asleep is the worst part of the night yet sleeping is the best part of the night
Hitler was the first one to dab on the haters
If god is the person who made everything in the universe, and makes everything happen on purpose, then its pretty effed up to think that he knows and allows things like rape and murder to happen.
The fact that we have internationally banned weapons in war proves that wars are almost entirely for profit, otherwise one side wouldn't care if too many people died...
I’m required to have a more secure password to buy dog food online than I need to log into my bank account.
All letters except the final "on" in the word "division" are divided by the letter "i"
What if dogs destroy shoes because that’s what we put on before we leave?
If men is the plural of man, women is the plural of woman, shouldn’t humen be the plural of human?
If the blind use their finger to pour drinks, does that mean their finger was in my drink they offered?
Being drunk means you're drugged but being drugged doesn't mean you're drunk
In an alternate universe there is a long list of country artists who demand Democrats stop using their music at campaign rallies
Does "light" have an age and memory?
For a species that thrives on diversity, we sure do enjoy our purebred pet shows.
The smiley "(:(" should be the official symbol of "Bipolar".
I wonder how subreddits like r/oldschoolcool gonna be in 50-100 years
"What" is the most commonly said word if one is asking a question.
When I go "hoooo" cold air comes out. But when say "haaaa" hot air comes out.
I wish I had the spirit of those old guys that walk around shirtless, they don't give a shit, they just enjoy life.
If the USA is so bad that we can’t stand in honor of our flag, then we have no need for boarder security. I can’t imagine why anybody would want to immigrate to such a terrible place.
Its sad that in todays society you can make a living off of sitting on your ass and playing video games and make a good living at that.
If my hair suddenly stopped growing, none of my friends would notice.
One of these days I’m going to have enough nickels to buy a disabled veteran a cheese burger....
It's More Acceptable To Shame People For Their Penis Size, Than Shaming People For Their Skin Colour Because That's Racist.
Which meme is most relevant to daily life?
There could be a ghost violently breakdancing next to you right now and you would have no idea.
One of the best parts of video games is all of the crazy and funny dances/emotes
“I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.”
I wonder if I’ve ever used paper to write with, and toilet paper to wipe with, that came from the same tree.
If our body temperature is 98 degrees, why do we feel so hot when the temperature goes that high?
Time travel will never be a reality...if it did, someone wouldve come back to stop 9/11, Holocaust, etc
If a there is a word that means everything according the word means nothing
AskReddit is so predictable it could have its own Jeopardy. Guessing what question was asked by reading only the top comment
I should have became a repairman for McDonald's ice cream machines.
Back in the day, american movie maker companies had to physically carry the movies to europe with boats and bring them to voice studios just for us to buy them and watch them
Most adults have no recollection of what the voicemail recording on their cell phone sounds like or says.
My PC isn’t a workstation it’s a playstation.. wait what
A YouTube channel streaming chill study/work music but the video being a staged go pro attached their doggo.
If you are reading this then you will be conscious of the fact that you are breathing and will switch to breathing manually.
Why Surreal Horror Comedy is the best movie genre - it's the closest to real life.
Grits are basically just corn soup.
When people say "the deep blue sea", are the talking about "the deep, blue sea" or "the deep-blue sea"?
What if MoviePass was just an elaborate scheme to short the market and was meant to fail all along?
It's more acceptable to shame asians for their penis size, than shaming blacks for their skin colour because that's racist.
Going to the bathroom always seems to take forever when you’re in a hurry
“I’m sorry but I’m not apologizing...” is apologizing for not apologizing.
What if Aliens do want to destroy the world and they know how horrible of a job we're doing so they're just waiting for us to do it for them.
There should be a sarcasm font that can be used when being sarcastic. That thing could bring peace to the internet. Maybe use comic-sans? People that use it are called idiots anyway.
People who believe the Holocaust never occured are the same people who wish to carry out another.
Servers are really the best actors in the world. They have to act like they like their customers every day
A set of three urinals should have the low one in the middle so that two guys can use them at the same time, maintain the required gap and avoid having to use the kids' urinal.
Few more months in Reddit and my childhood fear of quicksand will be replaced by fear of Brain Aneurysm
What if intelligent life *did* exist in the universe, but bypassed is because we are less intelligent then them?
Eventually in the distant future, everyone will have the same last name.
If you get into a car accident, do you have a higher or lower chance of getting into another one?
If dentists make money off people with bad teeth then why should I buy a toothpaste that 4/5 dentists recommend?
I've never seen a bus go backwards unless its done for the day.
I live my life assuming that someone somewhere in society can solve most of the problems I will come across.
Police dog units or K9 units are pronounced "canine units".
Why is your voice so good to hear in the shower and when you come out it isn't anymore
It’s called “tie-dye” because you tie it and dye it
“Lithe phrase “Okie dokie artichokie” sounds like the lamest magical incantation ever...
When you're born your parents give you a name they like, but somehow you grow up to look like your name
Sometime on Saturday we can write 18:08 18/08-18
Children are taught at an early age that left-wing policies are correct by repeating the phrase "sharing is caring"
Most of the showerthoughts are not thought of in the shower.
I wonder how many people would use their break lights if they weren't automatic
A phone's battery should only display 100% charged if it is plugged in, because if any amount is discharged it wouldn't be 100%.
In the very distant future, everyone will have the same last name
Time could be paused and then I paused for any amount of time and nobody would have any idea.
What if the real reason wizards don't fuck with people is because they don't want to get absolutely and utterly fucked by the overwhelming awe-inspiring power of the US armed forces and their auto-kadavra machine guns/nukes?
Star Wars Episode 3 is like Moby Dick - it was misunderstood and underappreciated in its time
What if "Lather, Rinse, and Repeat" doesn't really do much and it's just a marketing scam to get us to use more shampoo?
Most bands thank the crowd for coming out, but I feel like Smash Mouth genuinely means it.
Isn't it hypocritical to call people hypocrites while we all are hypocrites ourselves?
Mopping is just giving the floor a bath.
Daisy Ridley shares her name with 2 popular Nintendo characters
Yes, Shrooms grow in poop, but doesn’t like almost all vegetables we eat grow in poop too?
My kids will have gaming homework. Gonna be like "son, not another minute of Fortnite until you finish your Ocarina of Time"
Inventors and creators are so underrated. Someone actually built an aeroplane that flies in the skies, how impossible does that sound.
Born and Bred really should be Bred and Born...
You don’t realize that you say a word or phrase a lot until you start to type it over and over again
I wonder how many business tycoons of tomorrow were made in courtrooms from people winning comically weird lawsuits.
The true sign you are a millennial?
You dog can now speak,what’s his/hers shower though?
If your heart stops while wearing a Smart Watch, does it alert Emergency Services?
I really miss the days when CEOs just sat in big offices doing whatever crazy shit CEOs do with as much money as they have and I was blissfully ignorant to their opinion on anything other than how I should spend my money.
I like when my friends put my dog on their snap story. Watching it makes me feel like she’s popular
Since everything is in space, you can add the word "space" before anything and still be technically correct.
I take off my t-shirt the way that I do because of how I figured out how to do it when I was probably around 3.
Why not the Nestle squirts?
People project a lot of themselves onto others. What if the people who scream pedophile sex ring at every chance actually have the pedophile sex rings?
Kids, "You've grown so much!" is adult speak for "The passage of time seems to be drastically accelerating as I get older and I'm scared."
There could be an alien civilization out there with their own memes I'll never get to see.
Is it just me, or does Space X not sound an awful lot like Space Sex...
Time travel should be called timeline travel. You're jumping from a timeline where you existed in Point A to one where you exist in Piont B.
Google maps should have an option to suggest route for new drivers where its easy to drive with less traffic.
I wonder how many people hinder their potential due to the fear of failure.
Are dicks called cocks because they're up in the morning?
I'm sure people who are friends with vegans check the suitability on food labels more than the vegans themselves.
I wonder if there are any Catholics with Foot Fetishes. And have they seen the video of the Pope kissing feet? How conflicting was that for them.
The bondage fetish is pretty much "I saw, I got conquered, I came"
Sweatshirts should be washed just as much as shirts
Where do you live?
You ever have that moment where you forget what your worrying about and then you get even more worried but then you remember what it was and continue to worry about that?
If this is all "fake news" wouldn't there already been some that would have caused impeachment by now?
What ever happened to Joe the plumber?
The first person that said "god isn't real" must have gotten the shit beaten out of them.
If I had a dollar for every piece of useless trivia I know, I wouldn't have any money since the trivia is no longer useless if it can earn me money.
I'm all out of shampoo
Margot Robbie is basically the repost that reached the front page, to Jaime Pressly's OC.
I don’t know what I would do if Dr. Bronner’s soaps became unavailable to me.
How many locks in the world are exactly the same?
Did the precogs in Minority report have a stance on abortion?
Dogs want to leave their scent everywhere and will cheerfully sniff each others' butts. Humans have developed ways to avoid having to smell themselves or each other.
Someone else will start yawning if I stop yawning.
My dreams have really bad special effects.
There are 25 active serial killers in the US
The taller you are, the better your water pressure in the shower.
I thought quicksand would be a far bigger problem as an adult
What if one of those free iPad messages was real and you missed out on a free iPad because you thought it was fake
If I was allowed to introduce a new type of punishment in hell, i would make it a loop of the punishee getting up from a chair and stepping on a puppy tail. But only for the people with empathy.
Imagine how much money the guy that says 'Pegi 16' etc makes
If god is our father then a godfather is really a father father so then if father = X then godfather = 2X and so is X squared, 2 gay dad's? Where one of them being your godfather?
What if everyone in the world is just a reincarnated version of yourself?
The social part of social media is the worst part.
Don’t let the fact that the warriors blew a 3-1 lead distract you from the fact that Dr. Doofenshmirtz is 0-222 when taking over the tri-state area
What if when weird kids talk to themselves it’s their brain compensating for lack of social interaction and helping them develop the social skills to reintegrate?
I wonder if cats know that our toilets are like their litter boxes?
Most bands thank the crowd for coming to the show, but Smash Mouth seems to genuinely mean it.
The best feeling when my phone is fully charged so I can unplug it and roll to the other side of my bed
Casual drug users really only do coke so they can say they’ve done coke. I’d know this because I’ve done coke.
Time-travel should be called timeline-travel. You're jumping from a timeline where you existed at Point A to one where you exist at Piont B.
It’s kind of gross that cats don’t have buttcheeks because they like to sit on you, but a cat WITH buttcheeks... would that be disturbing or hilarious?
Wow moderators on reddit sre pretty bad at their jobs.
When I hear a screaming and crying child, I never know whether they are being murdered or their parents just told them 'no ice cream'
What if Rockets are actually Alien Dildos that humans send to prevent them from attacking us.
In an emergency, wouldn't every exit be an emergency exit?
What if humans are the most advanced life forms in the universe?
Ach!eve?
The generation of “revive me I have ray gun” is now replaced with “revive me I have the Scar”
I am 52 and have realized that people's bringing in the topic of my gray hair is in fact a candid compliment for me looking in fact younger
The fact that the word Santa can be rearranged to write the word Satan is very ironic.
I wonder if the guy in the Good Guy meme is a cunt
Why are humans the only thing in nature that likes straight lines?
The 2nd amendment is the only amendment that requires a background check, fee, and can be stripped without a felony conviction. Imagine if they did that with voting.
If Marvel can do a cross over movies with its superheros, then Shutterstock should do a cross over movie with all its meme stock images
If cats only meow for human affection why does my neighbor cat meow for sex every night... what are my neighbors doing to that poor cat?
What if timetravel does exist, but nobody has come back from their destination, because they were woefully under prepared for it.
It would be really goddamn scary if sharks and other sea creatures suddenly had the ability to fly.
Theres something special about the feel of an ejaculation into your anus
I am an avatar, I can control liquid (pee), I can control solid (taking a shit), and I can break wind (break wind).
What if you actually achieve something?
Simply saying "I'm a liar," makes it true.
Am I supposed to use the conditioner before or after shampoo? /j
What if...
I'd be weirded out if a watermelon flavoured candy actually tasted like watermelon.
The USA is 7 presidents away from having a full presidential deck of cards
If you push a stick that is longer than a light year, will it move faster than the speed of light?
Instead of telling people our age, we should tell them our birth year - it doesn't change every year and it would save us the mental math every time someone asks
Text messages should have a mark as unread feature for when you read something but don’t want to reply right away.
All handcuffs should be fuzzy handcuffs.
Any television show that needs to use music to tell you how you should be feeling about the current scene, is a shit ahow
Is my iPhone actually waterproof? Welp...
If i saved money the same way I saved Box Tops as a kid i’d be rich
It is perfectly acceptable to look at the genitalia of an animal in order to identify their sex. It would be considered rude and sexist to do it to humans.
I bet there are people who dry themselves feet to head.
If I was in the purge, I would just secretly collect people’s credit information for months, then when the day hits commit the biggest act of credit fraud in world history.
If my phone would'nt be waterproof it would'nt work now
Zombies, sheep, other stuff. Give me karma.
Is Biting your own lips a form of masochistic cannibalism?
What if 'It's Raining Men' and 'Let The Bodies Hit The Floor' are both about the same event, just different perspectives?
Instead of printing mile-long receipts, CVS should automatically apply any discounts to your purchase since it already associates them with your phone number.
Is homosexuality evolutionary population control?
Air Conditioners use DC power.
What if instead of flakes, snow fell all at once. Like 6 inches of snow just plummeted to earth in one thick blanket setting off car alarms knocking people over, breaking roofs. But that was it, that was the snowstorm.
If you don't have to wash work off of you when you get home, is it really hard work?
The fact we bred humanity's old nemesis (wolf) to our most iconic companion (dog) should be an icy warning to hostile aliens
Is it possible to start your own floating country in the middle of the ocean?
What if...
What if "Florida man" is actually just one single really insane man?
I wonder how many people would turn pro choice when as a pro-lifer, you are basically asking the government to add year to your birthday
A snack advertising campaign where they awarded money to the person with the "most look-alike" of their snack to something else, would probably be the best campaign ever done.
If you swear on somebody's life that you're going to kill them, and don't. What happens?
Parents who like anime, how do you introduce anime to your kids?
There are people out there who like me more than I like myself
Am I bad at Polytopia because my ancestors never colonized the neighboring countries but stated home and read books?
At 5 years old my greatest dream was to be able to have ice cream whenever I want, and I'm proud that adult me has fulfilled that dream
Tell Me Something New about Mobile Apps
# and @ are like the American Idol winners of obscure typographic symbols.
If in Toy Story all toys come alive then sex toys are included...?
If you don't care, I don't give a shit but it won't be my fault.
How to explain to someone with sign language the difference between Rear wheel drive and 4 wheel drive?
The men's toilet is the only place I know where it is acceptable to be rude and not acknowledge co-workers.
Whoever decided candy wrappers should be as loud as possible when open them to attract other humans was a marketing genius.
Will white wine taste like red wine if it's dyed red?
The American dream is the equivalent of slack lining over a thunder dome.
Juicy is a great word to describe any fruit...except for a banana
When Disney gets Fox, they should put the 20th Century Fox theme back in the Star Wars movies
Am I the only one who wants a Jason Momoa/ Keanu Reeves buddy cop film?
The first person to use 'My biggest weakness is being a "perfectionist"' in a job interview must be pretty annoyed.
A collection of atoms (i.e. humans) are somehow cognizant of its existence.
What if valets are just modern day stable boys?
Life is a lot like a RPG. You strive for a goal. If you meet enemies on the way your are probably going on the right place. Along the way you should acquire a close set of characters that will help you achieve your goal; the rest (NPCs) only care when you talk to them first.
I have been wondering why I haven't been getting my normal NPR fix, and I just realized it's because I don't have a car anymore.
Eventually in the very distant future, everyone will have the same last name.
Do animals think theyre just being hunted by cars when their friends get hit?
Do twins one day realize the fact one of them was unplanned?
What if all those times you thought your dog was barking at nothing they were actually scaring somebody/something away.
All humans are apes, so “Planet of the Apes” could have just been called “Earth.”
The NASA control room is just a government-funded Twitch stream of a professional Kerbal Space Program run
I used to think “sucks ass” was a cute expression until I started doing it for real.
Is the brand Redragon Re dragon, or Red ragon?
I wonder how many roads Dominoes Pizza is actually going to fix.
Disposable, single-use gloves should be folded like condoms to make them easier to put on.
what if a mosquito enters your room just to search for his long lost best friend..
Having a phobia of psychologists would be a bit of a catch 22 wouldn't it?
We as a society have transitioned from “if I were a boy I’d date her” to “if I were lesbian I’d date her” when we like someone
Doing drugs is like changing the difficulty-level in real life.
While creating a new account, the page should auto fill a secure alphanumeric password if you set a short simple one.
Why is it England, Ireland, Scotland and wales and not England, Ireland, Scotland and waland?
If you're 44 and single, that means either that every single relationship you've ever had failed or that somebody died. Assuming nobody died, it seems unlikely that the next relationship will succeed.
If the leader of your country wears full military regalia it probably means your military and your leader are deplorable.
Everyone without a cold should take a second to appreciate breathing through both nostrils while they have it
What if cats acted the same way dogs do and vice versa. Imagine having a 100lb dog trying to jump on top of a fridge.
Imagine the parties across the country and the world the day that Trump is no longer in power...
The probablity of you and me being born is 0
Can you imagine if there was a race of no armed humans, and we just never found them because they're really good at hiding behind trees
Somewhere in Japan is this guy that looks American but speaks perfect Japanese because he was born there. He gets laid every night.
You should enjoy the time that you have around other people, knowing that you may never see them again.
Mothers generally tell their sons that to impress a girl they should learn to cook, be professional, and have good manners. Basically things that impress other mothers ... thus making THEM look better...
I’ve never counted to 1000 starting from 1
If I never will get wisdom teeth does that mean I’ve evolved further than my friends that get wisdom teeth?
If a woman had a maiden name, what would it be called for a man in a homosexual relationship once he changed his name?
Media companies should donate profits from coverage of high profile deaths to preventative organizations
Ya'll ever notice how Riverdale is way too similar to Pretty little liars?
I think Trivedi was trying to be Thanos in the Sacred Games
If you put hot sauce in the fridge, is it cold sauce?
Teeth zits
The word "impending" is almost always followed by the word "doom."
Yoooooo underwear’s primary function is to protect your uncut weewee skin from getting stuck in the zipper.