In the interests of feeling less old, all born in the 90’s kids are still only in their 20’s or teens. At least, for now...
Somewhere out there, there is an Indian man who actually got bobs and vegana from a woman on facebook but no one believes him
What If Russia Flooded?
Do you ever say a sentence and think it might be the only time that sentence has or will ever be spoken in all of time?
If everyone moves to getting hyphenated last names, then we're eventually going to have extremely long last names.
May be we all have the power to pause and unpause time. But including ours. And that's why we dont realize it.
Well all know where New Zealand is, but where is Old Zealand?
God vs. Gays
The first person to poop must have been scared shitless.
Any random group of people could approach me and say “we’re ‘The Chainsmokers’” and I’d have no reason to doubt them.
Between my desire for sex and our baby's desire to breastfeed, my wife has the ability to make either of us extremely happy just by giving access to her body.
Why don't we have a word for when you don't like someone, but don't dislike them either?
Aldi and Lidl should have 10 items or less aisles
Why do we like music? All it is is people making random noises.
If I get a tattoo of a naked stripper on my bicep, I will always be seen with a hot girl on my arm.
If i go down and buy a computer, i could go to jail for life just by pressing the right buttons.
You first know you're getting old when you need some exercise and think, "I'll take a walk."
Where my shampoo at?🤔🤔🤔
If replacing a single part in a pc doesnt make it a different pc, how many parts does it take?
Ketchup served on plates should be banned.
Science is just a bunch of people saying "Prove me wrong, bet you can't"
If God created life and everything then who created God. And then who created that God, and so on... I'm not religious but it makes me think.
Watching Better Call Saul before Breaking Bad must be like watching Star Wars in sequential order.
If Shaquille O’Neal was a pro wrestler who then went into the grilling business he could open a shop called Pro-Pain Shaq’s Propane Shack.
Cars with lane departure should be able to detect when the driver changes lanes without signaling. And have the ability of the air bag going off for disciplinary action.
If tuna is the chicken of the sea, is chicken the tuna of the land?
Back to the future 2 should be called back to the past
If we live to bring life to our fantasies than aren't our fantasies as real as we are? Or even further than that are we as spirits the culmination of our dreams and fantasies?
If Volkswagen makes an all electric Beetle, they could call it a Lightning Bug
I can wait until we meet aliens, then the planet can band together and hate them instead of each other.
On a day like today, I think so
A1 Steak Sauce was established in 1862, meaning that during the middle of a war being fought over a country divided by slavery, somebody decided that this country needed a delicious steak sauce.
Despite interacting with all kinds of people from around the world & reading various forms of literature over the years, the only time I've ever heard anyone using the term 'Evanescence' is when they're talking about the band
If someone says "I always lie", are they telling the truth? Or are they lying?
Clicking on an article talking about how the "internet is outraged by _____" should literally list all outrage rather than three tweets from complete randos.
Why can’t companies track of there ingredients ?
Who thought it was a good idea to surround the tongue with teeth?
How much better would life be if a liar's pants really did catch on fire?
What if glass is just a placebo that our brain thinks it feels and sees but really doesnt?
If a car accident can happen, can a car purpose happen?
I don’t remember the last time I washed the area between my knees and my feet.
If something's broken we Google how to fix it, but what if Google is broken?
If there are sunrises and sunsets, why don't we also have moonrises and moonsets?
Is melted cheese wet?
Someday, I'll be telling my kids about how we used to go to toy stores.
What would happen if we applied the permit before a license law to a marriage license?
They say Success is the ultimate revenge. I say looking good is the ultimate revenge.
UPS will leave a $500 tv on my porch but i have to sign for an $11 pizza.
Am I in the positive or negative with all of the money I have found or lost on the ground?
I wonder if the actors in Big Bang Theory feel like the musicians in Nickelback.
Being able to tell the difference between "the touchscreen didn't register my finger" and "it registered but the computer is lagging" would eliminate around 17% of my weekly social anxiety.
What if we live on an “atom”
I would like to make a #fuckmetoo movement, to help people get laid.
Wonder how many pictures across social media am I in the background of someone else’s picture.
why don’t ghosts just possess their own, now dead, bodies?
Whatever Happened to Krayzie Bone?
How would be my Stats, if I were a Video Game Charakter.
Streaming services like Netflix need to have an incognito mode so that you can watch terrible movies without being recommended other terrible movies.
Wouldn’t it be cool if at the end of your life you got a book with all your statistics?
As someone who enjoys well-written stories, I'm frequently disappointed by all the illogical loopholes in my dreams.
If an extremely famous celebrity randomly walked into my house, I would assume that it was an alien disguised as that celebrity because that would be more likely.
Does a bus with no passengers still get to use the HOV lane?
I'm surprised that SJWs haven't tried to change the terms 'cowboy' and 'cowgirl' to the gender-neutral 'cowchild'
If you work at PornHub, is pornography still not safe for work?
The term ‘I’m all thumbs’ could now be used to describe someone who is very efficient with a smartphone.
The first sentence one should learn in another language is "I can't speak(__), is （language you know) okay?"
There are more places in the USA that allow child marriage than places that allow marijuana. And that's because weddings are probably more profitable.
I wish Earth had two moons. We could choose which one we like most.
I wish Earth had two moons. I could choose which one I liked most.
Why countries are wasting their economy in exploring space while they can use it raising the society standard, uplifting the deprived people and saving this beautiful planet from pollution.
i regret buying all those chiken nuggets
Do dogs even care about what their toys look like?
I need new friends
There should be a blood test integrated in all cars. If it detects alcohol or dangerous substances in your blood the car should not turn on. This would help a lot preventing all these road accidents we hear everyday on the news.
I wonder how many mix-ups, hurt feelings, and even broken relationships have been caused by the “i” and the “u” being next to each other on the qwerty keyboard.
Socks should be included or integrated with shoes.
Why is there Breakfast for Dinner, but not Dinner for breakfast?
Do people who say "I could care less" instead of "I COULDN'T care less" also say "I COULD agree more" instead of "I COULDN'T agree more?"
What if "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" & "It's Raining Men" are about the same event, but from different perspectives?
Navel gazing is just looking at an old scar and wondering, `how the hell did I get that?'
How I see green my be different from how you see green but we both know it’s green
The inside of our socks look the worst but feel the best.
I think my dog Just likes looking through glass. It spends its entire day looking out the door, if she is put outside she will spend the entire day looking in.
I have never used YouTube's "Press space bar to scroll down" feature and it is just annoying at this point
Music is just waves traveling through air vibrating our eardrum, love is just oxytocin rushing through our blood, happiness is the presence of serotonin in our brains, money is just a tool to satisfy our never ending human needs, once we break everything down everything loses its value.. who are we?
If the people in our dreams are based on people we've met in real life, does that mean dolphins remember what they were wearing?
My brother who is good looking but has a piece of shit personality is a real world clickbait
I like to think that ALL people in this world are good...even if they’re not well.
I wonder what peoples' comment history is after seeing a particularly nice, thoughtful or interesting comment on something I've written.
Aliens will call mankind, aliens too
American politics are Canadians and Frenchs reality TV
Woman want free; contraceptives, birth control, abortions, health care, 'sanitary' products...yet all I see is woman saying keep the governemnt out of my body!!!
What if our galaxy is a single atom inside another human living in a giant universe?...etc. Hope they don't discover how to split the atom!!
Speed has an upper bound (speed of light) and distance has a lower bound (Planck length). That means time also has a lower bound and our universe is pixilated if you zoom in far enough.
“I’m rooting for you” means something entirely different when your UNIX sysadmin is using your computer.
What if our Galaxy is actually a single atom, inside a human living in a giant universe?..etc..hope they don't discover how to split the atom😳
The opposite of the name "Wes Anderson" would be "East Orhisdaughter"
Sleep is the closest to time travel we will ever experience
”Fear of heights” should be called “Fear of depths”
The Things you think when you see other Dogs while walking with your Dog.
When you flush a bug, do they think it’s a water slide?
I wish when you shopped for clothing online you could see each size on a different person instead of one size on a toothpick model.
Give your child a name that a publisher would be fine printing.
Everyone should take the time to learn the mirror and reflection mechanics of their home. In an emergency situatation it can be pretty useful.
The upper bound of speed is the speed of light and the lower bound of distance is the planck length. That means time also has a lower bound and our universe is pixilated if you zoom in far enough.
What sound does the Earth when it spins?
YouTube's "Press space bar to scroll down" feature is more of an annoyance than helpful
If all taste is temporary, then what’s the point of eating delicious food?
Now we have 8k why aren’t we planning a lunar excursion to coincide with the 50th anniversary aimed at inspiring the next generation?
Satan is probably evil only because he’s suffering identity crisis since every time he sees someone they say "Oh God".
The difference between words ‘raping’ and ‘rapping’ is an additional letter p. But pronunciation is different in the letter a.
Man, did I already shampoo my hair..
Repost is the modern equivalent to hearing a good joke and repeating it outloud, getting all the attention.
If we moulted our skin like reptiles there'd be sex offenders who'd try to scavenge women's skins from the trash.
A "Pirate Emoji" is just like a normal emoji, but with a dot instead of a colon for eyes [ :P - .P ]
Everyone jokes about the fact that Donald Duck never wears trousers, but no one ever mentions that Mickey Mouse is topless
The phrase “I live at home” is always true but only used when someone lives with their parents
Of all the things you can say as often as you want, you'll be wrong only once when repeatedly saying "Eh, I'll survive".
When someone posts an article about a famous person dying, it usually gets lots of upvotes. It makes you wonder whether the upvotes are approving of the dead person or the fact that they're dead.
there poeple who post if there not in the shower
Adjectives are like multipliers for words
The stereotype for cops used to be being fat and eating donuts, now its being racist and killing black people.
Trump has ruined the color red.
I woke up from a horrific dream and brought my pet to bed to comfort me. If pets have dreams it's possible they also have nightmares. I feel a little sadness thinking I don't know when my pet has had a bad dream so I can comfort her
I feel like Apple and google should add
Do gas station transfer trucks need to stop for gas or do they just take it from the back of the truck?
The stereotype for cops used to be eating donuts, now its killing black people.
Most Showerthoughts aren't thought of in the shower
Showers should have a pause button.
If a cannibal is on death trial, is he allowed to have human flesh as his last meal?
Imagine if Adam and Eve didn't eat the apple. Everyone would still be naked and Pornhub would be useless
When people tell you to eat shit, you're already doing it; a percentage of what you eat will eventually go out as poop
Is something is really fun, it should be called funny
If you are born deaf what language do you thonk in?
Isn't suicide self defense because you were trying to kill he guy that was killing you
The worst thing is not that McCain had cancer, but that cancer had McCain.
If your post isn't getting enough karma that's because you're publishing it in the wrong subreddit.
You may never know all the words in the English language before you die.
Most shower thoughts aren’t thought of in the shower
The world doesn't revolve around you, so you better be the best you can be, no matter what.
I would rather fall in love with someone who loves my stupidity, than someone who is forcing me to be normal.
You do most of your reading on reddit
Was Wondering who really lost in the KSI vs Logan Paul fight, then realised it was me.
Humanity and you, through Reddit
I wonder if the reason pets love their owners has anything to do with the Stockholm Syndrome.
If we die, we goes to spectator mode and can see all the world instead of going to heaven?
The main reason I’m skipping ads on YouTube isn’t that I don’t want to watch ads, but that they stress the hell out of me from being suddenly twice as loud as the video.
I would rather fall in love with someone who loves my stupidity, than someone who is forcing me to be normal.
I can get from my Home town to Korea by rail
There are some people on Earth who can sign their name in a piece of paper, die, and then instantly, the value of that paper sky rockets.
Thrift shops and politicians are very similar.
Mods are asleep, lets post real shower thoughts. Where is my shampoo? I hope I don’t get it in my eyes. Should I get out of the shower already?
Shouldn’t “millennials” be better called “bi-millennials” to distinguish them from those born a thousand years ago?
Shouldn’t Breakfast be called wakefast cause you wake up and eat and shouldn’t lunch be called breakfast because your taking a break from your day to eat
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind is real.
The word disappointment may stemmed from having an unplanned child as you would have an appointment if the child was planned.
Regardless of the outcome of the KSI V LOGAN PAUL fight, people would believe it was a fix. KSI won? Logan Paul fans “it’s a fix, Logan won 4/6 rounds”. Logan won? KSI fans “it’s a fix, KSI won 4/6 rounds”. If no one wins and it’s a draw? EVERYONE “ITS A FIX.... /REFUND!?”
Remember all of the social media naming things like "your porn name is the name of your first pet + the street you grew up on"? Think about the different types of security questions for passwords you've answered.
Not one person I know use the word "ducking" intentionally....i dont think anyone does
“Millennials” should be called “bi-millennials” to distinguish them from those born a thousand years ago.
People who believe in vast government conspiracies have far more confidence in the government than I do.
You normally don't realize how much time someone takes in the shower unless you really need to pee
Aliens will call mankind, aliens too since we are unkown creatures for them
Is there a guide to unlocking all Riven pre-requisites?
People who sort by 'new' are the real moderators.
Do you think dogs like they're tummys scratched because....
Imagine if Al Gore had won the presidency against Bush, what a different world we’d be living in today.
Public bathrooms have touchless toilets, sinks, soap and towel dispensers. Unfortunately you have to pull a disgusting door handle covered in filth to get back out into the world.
I love sleep so much I'd do almost anything to get more, except go to bed on time
When I fall asleep, my eyes close
But, is trademark trademarked?
Movies is a very 1920s sounding word when you think about it
People should start taking more care of the Earth, because soon the Earth will stop taking care of people.
Who knows what happened to Joseph Mero?
The word ''bed'' looks like a bed.
We must be reaching a point in time in which nostalgia won't matter. I have access to almost everything from my childhood and it usually isn't hard to find.
I wonder if anyone else wishes they had the Men in Black car when stuck in traffic...
Mods on this sub are the bots, they just hide behind it to avoid interaction.
Most Big Name Restraunts Are Just People’s First or Last Name
You can't spell Trump without rump.
r/GetMotivated is just reddits version of those work place inspiration posters
I bought the stupid suction cup hooks so you'd all stop hanging you poufs off of the knob, would it kill you to use them?
Come to think of it, I've never heard of anyone buying a bible..they just turn up.
Does it make me a monster if I get out of bed immediately after my alarm goes off?
I think we take for granted our ability to scratch an itch anywhere on our body.
"Party like it's 1999" now means a care-free party before 9/11, Iraq War or the financial crash existed.
I spent weeks as a kid memorizing the US Constitution’s Preamble. I spent days memorizing the lyrics to The Barenaked Ladies “One Week”. 20 years later I only remember the latter.
A lot of shower heads are on the left hand side when facing a bath as apposed to the right hand side.
Your opinion on workplace poop anonymity says a tremendous amount about your character.
I bet Charles Dutton regrets not adding the K.
Since you get tax reduction to feed each mouth in your family. Are the 19 Kids and Counting Family Rich?
I wouldn’t be caught dead with a toothpick in my mouth but I have no problem chewing on a pen all day.
When we say milk we really mean milk from a cow. We qualify every other type of milk and even call milk from a human breast milk.
What if floors got wrinkly when wet?
The staff of Fallout probably seem like terrorists when they go to a city wearing matching clothes and asking about famous landmarks and tall buildings.
Connecting my phone to my car is like Luke Skywalker connecting R2-D2 to his X-wing
The 3 phases of upvotes:
Americans who hate when people speak Spanish around them, makes it seem like they must really hate Spain.
saying your "up" for something and saying your "down" for something are the same thing but saying your "not up" for somethings isnt that same as saying your "down" for something.
Why is it okay to purposefully breed dogs/cats but not humans?
You never see people buy Bibles, but they're everywhere.
Tear free shampoo makes me sentimental about being a kid, and thus, becomes no longer tear free.
The entire reason you have shower thoughts is because the sound waves in the shower are similar to the sound waves in your brain, causing your brain to function quicker.
Drinking tea can go anywhere from "wow I can't believe this is just water and leaves!" To "wow this tastes like water and leaves."
I wonder how many people I've talked to for the last time, and what my last words to them were.
Does anyone else find it odd that it sometimes takes a person to go missing to find the body of another random person?
In the future trolling has become a serious art form and time travel has also been invented. That's what UFO's are.
As an adult I have realized mostly everyone I know has tried a cigarette or maybe even marijuana before. Does that mean the DARE programs in Elementary school are taught by a bunch of hypocrites?
Stores should put their hours in big enough font to be easily read from the car while parking.
The only thing most people learn from political campaign bumper stickers is approximately how old the car is that they are stuck to.
What if Trump was just the beginning?
I wonder when Childish Gambino will become Teenagerish, then Adultish Gambino.
If everyone walking by a celebrity including kids and nuns can see their nipples, why do they blur them out online?
Corporations know the spending habits of my friends better than they know their own spending habits.
The one lesson we seem to never learn is to use less shampoo after getting a haircut.
I should make some bacon.
If you fall asleep with glasses on, is your sight improved in your dreams?
I don't know if I've ever seen the same bird twice.
If I play Roundabout in audiosurf and no roundabout is formed, I will be severely disappointed.
When you watch a TV show on your phone is it still a TV show?
One day, robot prostitution is gonna be a thing. I wonder how would that affect gender ideology.
Are people who write stories just roleplaying with themselves?
It should be industry standard to make tables, hobs and countertops higher than a two year-old's reach.
If zombies crave human flesh, then why don't they just eat themselves?
People should be grateful that they can lose their license, because the alternative would be worse.
If two people were to fight, would that technically be two skeletons fighting?
When a brand of potato chips produces a “Salt and Vinegar” flavor, are they really adding more salt to the basic potato chip?
Those that live by the term 'I'm here for a good time, not a long time' are generally the ones that have more issues.
Why do we say "fun as Hell?" "fun as Heaven" would be more accurate.
Is a white pencil considered a colored pencil?
People should be grateful that they can lose their driving privileges, because otherwise they'd have to be put in jail instead.
WIFE = Will I Fuck 'Er
We can never truely know if the words translated from other languages mean what there said to mean, they could just be lying and it’s all one big joke on other cultures.
Beating something a lot is good, but finally beating something after 100's or 1000's of tries is so much more rewarding/satisfying
What if the milk you’re drinking came from the same cow you previously ate?
Some of the best movies, books, and TV series of the future are going to be about current events.
when straight people say something gay, they say "no homo", so shouldn't gay people say "no hetero" after saying something straight?
If you changed your name to Adolf Hitler and started saving a lot of Jews you could imbue a lot of ambiguity in the way future generations of Nazis approach each other in greeting.
Spider silk is stronger than kevlar therefore Spiderman should be bulletproof.
If when god created life he made it in his own image he must have previously been a dinosaur god
Every moment is our last moment. What will you do with yours?
Do people giving blowjobs ever swallow "it" down the wrong pipe?
In movies and tv when someone gets called a “quack” or some other name for an insane person you’re supposed to think they’re crazy but it really means that their actually smart but the other characters don’t know it.
Is the human species developing too quickly?
I never realized the “butter” in “Butterfinger” comes from the fact that the inside is made out of peanut butter
The one meme to survive the longest is the meme that memes die after a day
There should be a 'Six degrees of Kevin Bacon' movie with as many cameos as possible.
How my Dad was Born.
Someone at Microsoft decided to use the word 'Art' when naming WordArt
If wine is just a bunch of grapes then wouldn’t that make wine fruit salad?