Imagine if neo took the blue pill, then the movie goes to the credits and theres no trilogy.
People say "I forgot something" when they remember something
Sweet potato fries are objectively better tasting, yet I can eat more regular potato fries at one sitting. Therefore, which one is the champion fry is a real toss up.
Reddit is a technological representation of our hive mind mentality. Prove me wrong.
I have never seen a seagull in a tree.
If the water inside jello is liquid, do we eat it or do we drink it?
Shouldn't a male barista be called a Baristo?
What if people who are colorblind always see the sky as purple.
Shower thoughts won’t exist in the future when showers are replaced by a more effective and efficient method of washing
Grandma's cooking was always the best because grandma and grandpa are old and don't give a fuck about being fat anymore and use fat/butter/oil/salt/sugar/etc
Reposting something for likes and upvotes is today’s equivalent to tracing someone else’s drawing to show your friends and family.
The first person to figure out music and write a decent song was probably worshiped as a god.
If there ever is a zombie apocalypse and the government creates an inmunity vaccine anti-vaxxers would most likely reject it.
Guys who hog the beach with a football is the equivalent of pedestrians who hog the road with a bicycle.
when straight guys say something gay, they say "no homo", by that logic gays should say "no hetero" after saying something straight.
Imagine investing thousands in to fidget spinners for them to now be a dead meme
Your vote determines whether the results of any poll are even or odd. Your vote matters.
The only reason I want wormholes from the game PORTAL is so zoo animals can run as much as they want.
The fact that we bake cookies and cook bacon is absurd
Today I had hemorrhoids and I finally understood why we say to get butthurt
If two people lift each other up at the same time will they float?
If you make it a sentence, "I Roy G Biv You" it incldes the nearest out of spectrum colors as well and helps you remember where the are. (IROYGBIVU)
The plural of man is men, the plural of woman is women, so why isn’t the plural of human, humen?
The most nervous part of a wedding is where everyone is asked, "Is there anybody here who can show cause as to why this couple should not be wed today?"
I feel like a single horse is capable of exerting more power than one horsepower.
I disagree that WhatsApp forwards don't make a difference to anybody's life.
Indecisive people can drive you crazy. Or at least I think they can.
Considering the average human life expectancy has increased over time, we should re-evaluate dog years to represent current life expectancys.
My son is 4 and I'm 40, so I'm 10 times older than he is. But when he is 40 and I'm 76 I will be a little under twice his age...
My wife and I have known each other for 86% of our lives. Max we can realistically hope for is 94%.
What would you do with all your spare time if you didn’t phage a phone?
What if the bumps around your nipples were braile and everyone had a different message?
What if the branches of trees are actually their roots and there is a whole civilization that lives under us that sees branches.
Why haven’t they made an option to schedule text messages? Like I remember I have to say happy birthday 2 days before then forget on the day. I should be able to schedule a text to be sent so everything would be cool when I forget.
Tacos should be federally regulated.
cars are advertised as wondrous things but why don't they show how they pollute the enviroment, too?
Vaccines are just software updates for people
I've had religious people knock on my door encouraging me to be relegious, but I've never had a atheist knock on my door encouraging me to not believe in god
The best way to lose 15 pounds in two weeks is to fall in love and then get dumped. Depending on the person, the level of love and permanency of the break, weight loss may vary.
If indigestion is caused by too much food, is outdigestion another word for hunger?
If 80% of people pee in the shower, and 72% of people claim to get their best ideas in the shower, does that mean that at least 52% of people get their best ideas peeing in the shower?
I grew up right at the last couple years when you had to call a girls house phone if you liked them,
It bothers me that if I were to travel back in time, I'd be too stupid to invent things I know would work.
Shooting someone is the same as stabbing them
The most deeply cutting insults are the ones without swear words.
Buildings dont make earth any heavier cuz all the materials were already on it
The Global Cheese Market is worth around $95 billion, Facebook dropped $100 billion. Facebook's worth dropped more than the worth of cheese
A dog is like a cat but not really #MakeThisAStupidNoticationWhyDontYou
New Year's day would feel less magical and less significant if we went by the earth's age.
You buy jewelry for your parents, just to later argue over it with your siblings when they pass about who it should go to
I am having a shower
cars are advertised as wondrous things but they should also warn us how they pollute the enviroment
“I sold an hour of my life for $13” sounds way worse than “I make $13 an hour”
If Pres. William Taft were alive today we would have a “My 600 lb Life” Presidential Edition
You know your getting old when you use the word "striped" instead of the word "stripey".
Reddit comments is the only place I get anxiety before I click on a link
In the comments is the only place, I get anxiety before I click on a link.
Bagels make good chapstick holders
If it wasn’t weird, everyone would probably carry their own toilet seat to the public bathroom.
"I buy body pillows for their comfort" is the modern equivalent to "I read Playboy for the articles"
Posts complaining about the subreddit that they’re in is basically just saying “we live in a society”, but everyone actually takes you seriously.
Peeing in the shower
Am I the only one that uses his arm to sleep instead of pillows?
Isn't suicide technically self defense. Because you were trying to kill the person trying to kill you
'World wide Web' is six syllables shorter than the abbreviation ' www.'
You should never marry a woman who has had plastic surgery before you met her because there would be no way of knowing how ugly your children would turn out.
It really must suck to be called Alexa in this day and age.
What if ee is silent in the word pee
KSI was the name of JJ's Halo clan that he was a part of. Now his name is the clan's name. Its like my YouTube name being FaZe. Highest level of narcissism.
I wonder how Jeremy's parents feel about the popular song that accused them of contributing to their child's suicide.
If earth is flat, are the other planets flat too?
Kings must have killed alot of people because they thought they were being poisoned... when in fact they were simply allergic to the food.
Thanos could upload a YouTube apology video in Infinity War part 2
There will always be something smaller than the smallest thing, and further than the farthest thing, which means the universe must be infinitely infinite in both directions.
Since in Monsters Inc they have to put on odorant to smell bad, if Sully decided to not shower he would be super cuddly and smell like roses.
The word 'FAT' looks like someone took a bite out of the first letter of the word 'EAT'
Its much worse to be called portly than fat
When Paying a Loan You Are Buying Your Own Debt
The alternative to golden-doodle is to call it poo-retriever.
Tubthumper is just the Turn Down For What of the 90's
The YouTube video “Neutral Response” is one of the greatest ways the internet has worked together.
what if we (humanity) are the most powerful civilization in the universe?
Any other cult other than the Catholic Church would of been demolished long long ago for their renowned and still ongoing child molestation pandemic.... it’s f***ing crazy how this cult still exists.
The letters ee are probably silent in the word pee
Words like "earth" and "early" would be pronounced the same if we took off their first two letters.
Upon reflection, calling someone a Grammar Nazi seems rather harsh, especially when most folks mean to say it innocently.
There will always be something smaller than the smallest thing, and larger than the largest thing, which makes me believe the universe is infinitely infinite in both directions.
I'm so glad Ansel Adams never took selfies at Yosemite.
Camera phones and social media probably pose significant challenges for immortal beings
What if ea is silent in the word tea
Getting the “I’m having just one more drink” text from your Bf/Gf is like the last 3 minutes of an NBA game, you never know how long it’s going to take.
Shower Thought
Modern scientific theories suggest black holes are like a sink drain. What if the opposite is true: what if our universe is the bottom of the drain, and stuff flowing in is from other universes?
Sometimes I worry that mass changes to societal norms are impossible or very unlikely, but then I remember how common smoking used to be
I don’t overeat, my body is just over efficient.
Since swimming in the water is the combination of water pushing up on you (buoyancy) and your movement to propel you in the water, aren’t birds just swimming in the air with lift and wing flapping?
Sucking the marrow out of life is my new motto
Everyone recognizes simple things. What if the answer to life, the universe, and everything is simple? So simple in fact, everyone throws it out the window before they comprehend how simple it actually is.
What if the black plague was a time traveler going back in time and introducing a future sickness into the population?
I know it may sound dumb but hear me out. You theoretically can hid a submarine in the ocean.
Having different passwords for each online account protects them more from me than from potential hackers.
I wonder if abusive relationship can go both ways.
What if the Amish are actually the worlds most advanced civilization but they hide it like the Wakandans?
You can’t tell whether someone writes a lowercase I or an uppercase l.
Why is 69 famous but not 96
I wish they made dentastix for people.
Music identifying apps like Shazam should have a section that lists which movies the song you just searched for appear in so you can figure out where you've heard the song before.
Why on earth would zombies attack people? Shouldn’t they attack grocery stores?
If eating spicy food is considered a pain and not a flavor, does that make people who enjoy spiciness masochists?
Diet meal replacements (bars and shakes) are flavored like the foods that dieters should have been avoiding to begin with.
What if the News shows us car chases not for ratings, but as a subtle reminder that if you break U.S. laws you will end up in front of a firing squad on live TV?
What breed is Snoop Dogg?
If I knew from where I got all that I know, then I would only know half the things I actually know.
When something surprising happens in your life is it just a plot-twist in a normal day?
If you’re cooler than me doesn’t that make me hotter than you?
There should be a way for companies to know the amount of junk/spam physical mail that is trashed before being read.
If I had sex with a clone of myself would it be gay or simply masturbation?
Why do we watch people IN movies but watch them ON television
What if when we die, we just become ghosts that can choose whether or not we want to be reincarnated and the biggest dilemma we have is when we want to be reborn and effect the world?
Is it easier to let someone win by intentionally playing poorly, or cheat to lose?
I’m curious who the first person was to watch a chicken shit out an egg and think; "I wonder what it tastes like...”
What if dinosaurs were really small and aliens altered their bones size so that future civilizations will be confused.
My left hand should be as good as my right hand is at cutting my finger nails
Realized just now after seeing all of Arrested Development, and then seeing all of Archer (4 times), then going back to watching Arrested Development, did I realize that Archer is a continuation of the former with Archer's mom at the center of both stories...
They should make alarm clocks for dog owners that sound just like the dog is about to puke on the carpet. There is nothing that gets a person out of bed faster than that.
As a father, I am often overcome thinking about how there will come a point when I pick up my son and put him back down and never pick him up again
I’m the smartest person in the room when I’m alone!
Growing up I had the expectation that I would be offered drugs by strangers much more often than zero times ever in my life
They should’ve made Reverse Flash only go super fast when running backwards
Caffeine free products should have their own section in the grocery store.
The dumbest question in the world is: "Are you awake" ?
Instead of taking to my neighbors I keep track of wifi networks to see who is moving in/out
Wonder how much money you’ve passed up on by not picking up that penny you saw on the ground?
If I’d picked up everything penny I found on the ground and had saved it, I bet I could buy something really nice right about now.
When my dog sees me cracking my knuckles, she sees another being getting bones broken or even killed.
What if we are supposed to be to god, what dogs are to us?
How do you put handcuffs on a one armed man?
I am writing this at 12:42am on June 14th, 2018, once a few seconds pass it will never be 12:42am on June 14th, 2018 ever again.
I'd forget that I have a bad memory if people stopped asking me "Don't you remember?"
There should be a way for companies to know the percentage of mail that I/we immediately throw in the garbage without opening it and reading it.
We always shame poorly parked cars, but what if they were forced to park poorly because of the selfish car next to them that has since left?
Does asparagus make dogs pee smell too? And do they know it smells?
I get paid to stare at a screen all day, and then when I am home I stare at my screen, which is paid for with the money I make staring at the other screen, all just because my screen has better stuff on it.
Those of us who are currently not sick with a cold/flu should take a moment to appreciate that we can breathe through both nostrils at the moment.
There should be a punctuation so people can know you are being sarcastic through text
If putting your fist in your ass is "gay" then if you're a hermaphrodite would it be half gay and half straight?
I assume I retire every Friday. Life is good. Then Sunday it's like my retirement fund took a dive and I have to go back to work on Monday.
If a cannibal is turned into a zombie, does it start eating other zombies?
Having a mental desorder and trying to have a normal life without any help is as foolish as having a broken leg and saying 'I don't need help, my leg has been strong my whole life, I am tough and I can overcome this nonsense and live a normal life until it is fixed by itself'.
Whenever I see people in the food court alone I think “ohh, they looks lonely“, but whenever I’m in the food court alone I think “finally some alone time!“
I would be more shocked if the person riding that rope swing actually made the leap totally unscathed.
Other condiments/sauces should have their own vehicles given that Gravy already has a boat and a train.
We have universally agreed on how ketchup should taste. Almost all other sauces taste different depending on establishment or brand except for ketchup.
What if there are time travelers trying to fix the past, but this is the best they can do.
What if, when we die our souls are trapped in our lifeless bodies forever?
Both the meaning of "Hey ! Kid Wanna see my Gun " is troublesome now.
I’m surprised marine farming isn’t a thing.
How many people have fallen after deciding not to jump off a roof?
I'm smart enough to know I should not do something, but dumb enough to do it anyway
Humans should have battery percentage gauges so we would know if we were actually hungry or just eating because we think we should.
The first person to eat an egg was like "I wonder how this thing that came out of a chicken's butt tastes"
A truly dedicated alcoholic should invest in “Driver Training” decals.
I don't see that chubby girl jogging anymore.
I think I love Hannah Marks, or her friends.
Iced coffee should be cheaper than the same sized hot coffee... Half of what you're paying for is ice.
Most medical care should have a money back guarantee.
Why do we say it's easier said than done? Is there anything easier done than said?
My Car keys have travelled a further distance than my car
Reddit should just be renamed to "cat cat dog baby sports gif "
How come there are extra small and extra large shirts, but no extra medium shirts?
Showers are just domesticated rain that somehow convert dirt into weird philosophy
Governments are like Reddit Mods. They are able to add, remove and pin things in society.
Your face on a flat bathroom mirror is always right side up.
The worst time to run out of your supply of contacts would be the start of the zombie apocalypse.
They say you should behave in a way that would benefit society if everyone behaved that way. The exact opposite is true at a buffet.
The automoderator here is the stupidest shit I've ever experienced
Yin and yang basically just means that you can enjoy eating a burger made out of a cow, while the cow simultaneously doesn't want to be a burger
What if babies at a certain point know how to express themselves while thinking but fail to say words out loud because they don’t know how to make those sounds.
Knowing Priyanka Chopra enaged Nick Jonas is scary. What if my soulmate is in another continent? I might die alone...searching forever.
Governments are like Mods. They are able to add, remove and pin things to society.
Is the World getting crazier or are we just hearing about more bad things because of better communication?
The phrase 'my piece of mind' is very different from the phrase 'a piece of my mind.'
Why do we need to send santa a letter if he hears and sees everything?
No one under 18 would understand what you mean if you ask them to cradle the phone.
I wonder if any of Putin’s translators have informed him of what his name sounds like in English...
By telling someone "don't tell me what to do" you're telling them what to do.
Some of those cool movie or game names must sound really weird to native English speakers.
When Trump is impeached, loads of people are going to take to the street chanting “you’re fired!”
How do towels get dirty if you only use them when you are clean?
If it is acceptable for an amateur musician to perform covers of their favorite bands' songs, then it should be acceptable for an amateur comedian to perform his favorite comedians' jokes (as long as it is made clear that this is not their material)
Everyone should love something as much as Kanye loves Kanye
Starburst should make giant squares or thick ropes in individual flavors.
Ideally politicians are chosen to make the smart decisions, the ones we need but don't want, yet we choose them through a popularity contest
A baseball is just a heavy tennisball.
If a Boston Terrier kills another dog, he would then be a Boston Terrorist
There was a point for every person when they heard about Russia potentially trying to influence the American election and laughed at how far-fetched an idea it was. Now here we are.
Why isn't a wireless mouse called a hamster?
I just realised that r/anime_irl is aniME_irl
Playing video games as a child is the reason I adapt to new technical software with ease and my parents do not
Yin and Yang basically just means that you can enjoy eating a burger made out of a cow who suffered
If we all just reply "Hello, is anyone there?" To nuisance calls they might all eventually think their microphone is faulty.
Every culture likes to say “being the good _____ that I am, I took that challenge!”
All those cool or badass movie/ game names probably sound really weird to native English speakers.
The .gif format is so favored over videos in reddit because many are browsing the site in offices or in classes
The past few decades we were in the “Information Age.” Historians will probably call the time we’re in now the “Misinformation Age.”
"W" is the only letter that has a whole word in it.
If Mueller can show they all knew about illegal stuff and send them all packing, then that means Trump, in the end, will have drained the swamp.
My parents saw the first computer, In my life time what kind of crazy new technology is going to change the world as much as the computer changed theirs?
It goes without saying is always preceding something that should go without saying.
Is speaking in tongues for the deaf speaking in fingers?
Are laugh tracks played during sitcoms to add on to your laughter, to make you laugh, or to remind you to laugh?
They should make a game where drunk driving is simulated so that you can see just exactly how dangerous it would be for you to drive drunk
What would happen if you put popping candy in the bath?
You should always feel like you're on top of the world, because from where you're standing, you actually are
After church traffic would not let me cross:
I'm not smart, I'm just quicker at coming to dumb conclusions.
What if Flat Earthers just getting the rational community angry so they get a free ride to outer space?
Should I lock the door in case the zombie virus happens tonight?
Was the door locked in case the zombie virus erupts today?
I’m suing lays for putting chips in my bag of air
Fake News or Dishonest Leaders?
Whenever I take the time to watch an ad to view some content, I feel like I'm really giving something to the website.
Why don't they bolt soda machines to the ground so they don't fall on you?
If you're a new college student that's 20 years removed from high school, wife and kids, never filed bankruptcy or killed a man, you should automatically be given a 2 year degree when you walk in the building.
There's a midwest in America, but no Middle East.
Tacos are just Mexican cheeseburgers
Shouting you've had a rough day means it's probably deserved.
Youtube started with a 19 second, low quality, boring video of nothing but a guy at the zoo, and over time it has gotten worse.
If furry amino and anime amino has a child the child would be pokemon amino
I hope all my friends outlive me so they can remember how great I was.
You can tell if someone isn't happy with the their career if when asked "what do you do for a living", their reply begins with "right now I..."
My right hand will never touch my right elbow
People’s obsession with the Cold War for several decades is probably why baby boomers are so eager to be the last generation.
“No regrets” should be a pre-decision piece of advice, not as post-decision justification.
If a vegan backs out of a fight, I wonder wether or not they're considered a chicken.
Messages with multiple emojis are way more fun to send than they are to receive.
What is something that you have had to accept and come to terms with as an adult?
It’d be great to have comments on reddit ads...so we could tell each other why something is bs
Redditors that browse by ‘new’ pretty much decide which posts gets popular and which ones don’t.
What if water expands when it freezes because it needs to hold a deep breath before it can't move anymore?
If a vegan backs out of a fight, are they a chicken?
The universe is a time machine.
'That sucks' and 'that blows' both mean the same thing despite suck and blow being antonyms.
My cat is a dominatrix. She only likes to play games that draw blood.
The reason we think that being a celebrities are a lot more chance of getting depression because we saw alot suicidal celebrities on the internet, but we don't think of it the same way for non celebrities because they doesn't get as much attention as celebrities does.
Oh fuck! God damn it, I totally forgot I ate asparagus with dinner last night.
Reddit "trending" notifications make the post trending.
Jesus
Gas stations should advertise their prices on the highway
Gordon Ramsay... in my shower...