ask reddit is basicly reverse ama
The best way to gauge how honest someone really is should be based on whether or not they say "Polo" when "Marco" is only inches away
People should not feel guilty about a decision made in the full awareness if it didn't work out as expected because that decision must be best decision you could have made with the information available to you at the time.
If people tell you not to be a conformist and then you don’t conform, does that make you a conformist?
I really wish someone would do a saved you a click for reddit ads.
Over the past few days I have developed great hatred towards cars, buses, roads, store fronts, street signs, and pictures that fade in/out.
It is understated the importance of splitting a bathroom with someone who showers at the same temperature as you
If Baby Boomers are primarily responsible for our shaky economy, perhaps it's also their parenting styles that have led to an increase in mental health issues in millenials.
An accustomed showerthought writer is capable of creating a shower thought on any given object, notion, etc.
If Obama was the President of Kenya, he would be their first white President.
The first RedBull I ever had, could have actually led to more thrill seeking behavior, that actually did get me closer to having wings.
The word “fortnight” will eventually be forgotten for its counterpart Fortnite.
The “Old Me” is actually a younger me
The most popular sub Reddit’s may not be invented yet. I never see enough booty here 🧐
What if they released the "Star Wars" prequels just to make the name legit?
How does "the bottom of the bottle is my only friend" make sense? Wouldn't it be an alcoholics worst enemy?
Which is the real best? The cat's whiskers or the bees knees?
Everyone on America’s got talent is trying to be the best at the same talent.
Barely any of these showerthoughts were made whilst in the shower
"Jesus fucking Christ" is a pretty nasty thing to hear when you're both religious ánd homophobic
It's "be there or be square" because if you don't show up you're not a-round
Why is your "old man" your dad, but your "old lady" your wife?
If God created the sun on the fourth day, how had the fourth day gone by?
Is this real? Am I creating everything I experience? Does anything exist outside of my awareness?
If you win against yourself, have you won or lost?
I wonder if people of the past realised how famous they would be thanks to the internet and population explosion.
I wonder how the world would be different if everybody remembered being babies, tiny and helpless.
We have been tricked into thinking life is a competition when really it should be a collaboration.
We're all star dust. No deity is watching us. Morality is an illusion
Whenever I buy a gift card for things like Google play, I always buy it for myself.
The fact that people are getting the sudden urge to drink the blood out of an ancient sarcophagus is probably the exact reason why no one should be allowed to drink the blood out of an ancient sarcophagus.
Chances of Taylor Swift kidnapping me to make lots of babies and letting me live with her as a loved husband that never has to work again are not exactly zero.
If Hell is underneath the earth then why is gravity pulling us towards it?
I'm starting to think every chemical is known by the state of California to cause cancer
The way I look at people who are 5'2" are the same way people who are 5'10" look at me.
All lights are night-lights.
Spaghetti is just Italian ramen noodles
How much I aged in between the Incredible's movies
Alot of people are actually searching for "what happens to the market before a war" which is interesting because small caps investing or long term credit us the way to go, so stop searching for that!
The virgin Mary was just the result of no paternity tests.
The fact that cars have a built-in "Fuck You" button is underappreciated.
Every "How it's made" video should be archived in the event of an apocalypse.
If you took you’re phone in shower you could play fortnite in shower :D m
Why is it called Thrill of the Chase
Dark Tourist on Netflix is Louis Theroux V2.0
It would be helpful if there were a term that means "not this, but the next"
We've all gotten real casual in just accepting the descriptions on paper towels and toilet paper saying 2=5, 12=16, 12=24, etc.
Analog clocks allows us to time travel into the future, setting your clock 20 minutes ahead makes you 20 minuets faster towards your goal.
How do you know if actually go to the bathroom at night or are you dreaming it.
A more accurate word for condom is cumdam
I wonder if there is a spoon in my house that I’ve never used. Like not because it’s been hidden, just of all the cycles of my family using spoons and washing them again, there is one that I’ve never used.
How much of Earth's water is trapped inside plastic containers in landfills/dumps/ditches forever?
The first person to have twins must’ve been really confused
Why are men attracted to boobs?
If global warming can be reversed...
Saying you can't be racist against white people is actually racist, because it implies that only the other races can be treated as inferior and not all of them being of equal value
One of the Spice Girls being on America's Got Talent is almost like a Nickleback member being on show
Hunger is basically the best spice there is.
if you + all = y'all,then why we + all not w'all?
The very first Reddit post ever probably didn’t get a lot of upvotes.
Whoever came up with the terms, “Cocky” and “pussy”, was sexist Af!
At some point, every post on Reddit was “new”
I wish you could get paid to be your own maid.
True talent is taking a left out of the gas station with one hand holding a supersize drink and the other waving to traffic, with a follow up shaka out the window to the car that yielded in observance of said masterful driving skills. 🤙
Is Canada a nice place cause England sucks to much gangs and knife crime
/r/hmmm is only subreddit where most posts have the same title and mods won't delete your post for shitty title.
From everyone saying “Fetch isn’t gonna happen”, didn’t that technically make “Fetch” happen?
7 is the oddest number of the base numbers 1-10. 1/1 is 100℅, 1/2 is 50%, 1/3 is 33.333....% 1/4 is 25%, 1/5 is 20%, 1/6 is 16.666....%, What is 1/7? 1/8 is 12.5%, 1/9 is 11.111....% and 1/10 is 10%!
Does a chameleon ever freak out the first time it sees its skin change colour?
If you punch yourself and it doesn't hurt, does that mean you're strong or weak?
I found out the best way to watch porn and that's using tabletop simulator
It takes approximately 7 minutes for a sun ray to hit earth. That means at any point in your life the sun might stop burning and we wouldn't know it until 7 minutes
you + all = y'all,we + all should be w'all
Most posts on this thread likely don't stem from ideas during a shower
The word “lisp” cannot be said properly with a lisp
When someone dies, you think the brain replays everything that’s happened (including their death) over and over again till they fully decompose?
It's called fishing when you catch fish, but when you go hunting you don't catch hunts
Why isn't a vineyard called a wineyard
Do you think head that way, or lets head on out of here started because we come out head first as babies?
The band Franz Ferdinand should have made their only song be Take Me Out and the rest of the album be sounds of trench warfare
It's interesting to see some companies praise their product as the "Best Version to ever exist" every year. Maybe someone should mail them about how that's a normal side effect of progress.
The word "bed" looks like a bed.
To all those people making jokes about Smokey the Bear being topless, I'd like to remind you that he's always wearing a coat.
I don’t actually know what the highest number I can count to is
The worst place for a fire to happen is the factory where they make trick birthday candles.
Why are clams so happy?
Mercedes is spelled with 3 e’s and each e sounds different
Why do doughnuts have a hole
Someday there will be another YouTube video that has a URL ending in -gXcQ linked by someone, but no one will watch it because they don't want to be rickrolled.
Red or Blue?
Reddit is a social network of introverts
I don't have work expierence because the only places that are hiring want experienced workers
It's disappointing that my generation had a phase for eating Tide Pods.
When you clean a vacuum cleaner, you become the vacuum cleaner
The Virgin Mary wasn’t a virgin...She just cheated on Joseph and he was dumb enough to believe her story.
At some point someone looked at a bunch of food items they commonly ate and thought “hey... what if I put all these together and see what happens”
I'll be 31 this year. But my birthday is in December so 11/12ths of this year I was 30. It would be more accurate to say I'll be 31 NEXT year.
One of the most epic battles is happening right now with thousands of different factions fighting it out for supremacy and I can't even see it because it's happening in my body.
I wonder just how long it will be before I accidentally eat that single staple on the Chinese food container?
Hotel advertisements should be directed more to traveling or activities to do in the area rather than just normal advertisements like dental work or home improvement
I don't have work expierence because the only places that are hiring want experienced workers
I wonder If I've ever seen the same person twice in an airport
Humpty Dumpty is fucking dead.
I think a man wrote the rules about suicide bombers. 70 virgins? Great. And what about women suicide bombers? Do they get 70 virgins? I don't think 70 male virgins would be that great.
If foods are processed to live on the shelf longer, would that mean they live in our bodies longer?
The skill of humans imitating each other with their mannerisms and voice manipulation is underrated.
Is my worst enemy, my best enemy ?
Flowers used to mean a lot more romantically when those flowers were grown for months or years at home. The modern version of that is like giving your crush that 18 year old tamagotchi you worked so hard to keep alive.
More people might choose Amazon’s No-rush shipping if instead of earning them a $0.99 music credit it gave their employees a bathroom break.
Oh my god!
How do people who are legitimately terrified of the dark blink?
I wish I was as cool and interesting in person as I am online.
A pet name for arms is guns and legally guns in the court are referred to as 'arms'
If laughter is the best medicine, why are people dying of it?
Turning to insults when you are in an argument means you already lost.
If Netflix ran ad's before a show there would be an outrage, but we pay minimum 2-3 times more for TV and ad's ran every 7 minutes are seen as okay
When someone says “turn up the AC!” do they want it to be cooler or warmer?
If a set of Dicephalic parapagus (conjoined) twins has a child...how do they determine the biological parent?
Mastering the use of someone else's shower is difficult, but have you ever tried to find the windshield wipers on someone else's car?
Robin Williams has been all over the front page. I bet they announce a movie about him in the next few days.
There is no such thing as being unapologetically Canadian.
If I hit myself and it hurts does that make me weak or strong?
Giving flowers used to mean a lot more romantically when people had to actually grow those flowers for years sometimes. The modern equivalent is like giving your crush that Tamagotchi you have kept alive for so many years.
If Shaquille O'Neal owned the restaurant chain "Shake Shack" would he call them Shake Shaqs?
I'm willing to bet that if a huge discovery is made, I would ignore it assuming it was just click-bait article.
Double flush
We could all be living in a television show right now and don't even know it.
Joseph, Mary, John, James, Paul, and Mark have been popular names for thousands of years, but Judas torpedoed his name.
Imagine the chaos there would be if all mosquitos go to heaven
If you are in the room as the Invisible Man and you can't see him then that means he's probably naked.
All of the odd numbers have the letter “e” in them
I wonder of Nelly now detests the line "Bill Gates Donald Trump let me in uh"
If an FBI agent is in fact watching us all 24/7, that means there's just as many 'secret agents' than there are normal people in the population. This double world population is why we are so quickly losing resources.
Imagine feeling so proud of your skin tone that you form torch-wielding mobs because you think the mere presence of non-white people threatens your way of life.
Every odd number has the letter e in it
If soccer has soccer balls, and football has footballs, then why isn’t football called foot?
If the titanic sank today, there would be a significant number of people who would call its disappearance a conspiracy theory
The dance move shuffling should be called dubstep, and dubstep should be called shuffling.
Every first person perspective video game where you name the character is also second person perspective.
Kids these days will never have to worry about the anxiety that comes with having to make small talk with the person who answered the landline while frantically trying to figure out how to ask for the person you actually called for.
Russia should do something useful with their cyber division, like ruin EA instead of democracy.
In many ways, Robin Williams' suicide has done more for suicide prevention than suicide hotlines.
A peanut is called a peanut because it looks like a nut and it's related to peas
It’s hard to think of the word capybara and not think of an Australian saying it.
Before showering: I dont want to While showering: This is home now
Imagine if the person you were speaking to on the phone could still hear you for 5 seconds after you hung up.
I bet nobody would comment "Aww so cute" on pictures on a sub for pictures of disfigured human beings.
Before showering: Nahhh dont want to. Whilst showering: This is home now
Why is the term "near miss" used to describe when something almost hits something else? Wouldn't the term logically be a "near hit"?
We call a movie bad when it has too much exposition because it is boring but are expected to be interested in school even though lessons are nothing but exposition.
Me before showering: nah I dont want to Me once in shower: I live here now
When your other half ask you for money, and you give them a 100 dollar bill, and they say “you don’t have anything smaller” blows me away
Somewhere there is a hotel staff trying to make some stupid towel animal or paper fort just for someone to take a picture of it for imaginary internet points.
Do flies eat? I feel like I’ve only ever seen flies rub their hands, or like try to escape from a closed window.
I’ve made thousands of strangers on the internet laugh by making memes
The radio can make you start listening to songs alot more or alot less
I've gotten thousands of people drunk (I'm a cocktail bartender)
Film historians of the future will note a sudden increase in spectacular overhead shots beginning in movies from the 2010’s.
Is a child 0 years old when it’s born?
The fact this is one of the only popular subs I can post to as a new user is the reason why my hygiene has improved significantly.
Jesus was a caprenter, so somewhere out there in the world there is a mahogany desk or redwood reclining chair made by jesus
Censorship is censoring a word that does not need censoring and calling it a day.
What Are the Amish Going to Do When Aliens Get Here?
Do you think Kevin Costner feels some guilt over the death of Whitney Houston?
Why is Drake asking KiKi if she loves him even though he has stated before that he only loves his bed and his mom
Showers are a waste of time baths are where it's at
Do dogs think in barks?
I wonder if New Hampshire is really better than the old Hampshire.
Folk music basically just means "people" music
If there's ever a virus you cannot delete, the best thing to do would be to erase your entire PC
Skiing and water skiing are both technically water skiing
Which person are you?
I've never watched a movie with Dwayne Johnson that I haven't enjoyed.
Anything cooked by someone else tastes significantly better than if you cooked it yourself.
Does referring to a neck beard as a double chin strap make it better or worse?
What kind of event led up to the battle royale in games like PUBG?
As an African American when people bring up the hypothetical question about what time period you'd like to visit. I'm very limited.
The term "near miss" is used to describe when something almost hits something. Logically the term should be "near hit".
What if Dr Strange was just using a really shitty search algorithm?
Elon Musk’s idea of colonising Mars suggests that we have given up on Earth.
Isn't it weird that spongebob, a show created by a marine biologist, has a campfire underwater multiple times.
A seesaw is the only game where being higher up means you are losing. Stay grounded people.
Imagine if humans had public fights to the death over mates and then had sex in public to show dominace like other animals do
If the Vandals were still around, "vandalism" could be considered a racist term
If the Vandals were still around, they'd probably be offended by what their name means now
The greatest moment in human history is when people began putting more time into solving problems than appeasing gods
If you’re not a hypochondriac but you think you are, aren’t you then a hypochondriac?
I pronounce “Aluminum” but spell the word “Aluminium”.
Does Lighting McQueen buy car insurance or human insurance
Bug spray is like cologne to show off to bugs. Except it works backwards. It gets the thing you want away from you rather than toward you.
How many dead insects are in your toaster right now
If you traveled faster than the speed of light you would travel back in time yet still age.
When I was a kid, TV shows made it seem like quicksand was going to become a much bigger problem.
If Kylie Jenner was put in an electric chair it wouldn’t affect her because plastic doesn’t conduct electricity
Hitler was just really pissed off because no one would high five him back.
Someone right now is thinking about someone thinking about someone right now.
I can't decide if referring to a neck beard as a double chin strap makes it better or worse.
We should be thankful that mosquitos aren't cooperative like bees
Why are beds for dogs called dog beds but beds for humans are not called human beds?
In 100 years the person with the least severe autism will be president of the U.S.
A thousand years from now r/EarthPorn will be a subreddit featuring porn on Earth.
The only reason I would ever want to put a camera in a bathroom is to see how people can possibly shit on and around the toilet.
Do some people never have the thought of suicide?
If time travel is possible in the future then could your best friend be from the future
Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson will never have a shampoo endorsement.
I thought it would be fun to cut open box and it is
Why do people say “best two out of three” when really it’s just best to two? Nobody ever makes it to three.
If a unicorn is a horse with one horn then a horse with no horn should be called an acorn
I can’t even remember the last time I had a fly swatter handy when I actually had to kill a fly but they are so common.
What if an extremely high carb diet was actually successful, but everyone has been too afraid to push the boundaries
Although video games are more challenging when played against an advanced A.I., they are more enjoyable when played against humans.
Why do Video Ads never buffer but the actual Video does?🤔
What if the air is posionous but just takes ages to kill us.
Why do we get “into” cars but get “onto” buses?
Why do flies work so hard to get in your house or car and then keep buzzing Windows and screens?
Have you ever thought to yourself that the spider that you killed in your room spent his entire life thinking that you were his roommate?
Self fulfilling prophecy or sheer dumb luck?
Why is spongbob the maine character when patrick is the star?
If goose is singular and geese is plural, is it mongeese or mongooses?
When I was a child and I heard the doorbell, I used to get excited but as an adult, when I now hear the doorbell I just get annoyed.
Anyone else just get a really weird vibe going to a new movie theater?
The phrase “Who are we kidding?” should actually be “Whom are we kidding?”
How many strangers have asked you for money this week, and how much did you give them?
If Cinderella’s shoe fits perfectly then how did it fall off?
My great-grandchildren may realistically be born on Mars.
All public restroom doors should be pull to enter and push to exit so you don’t have to grab the handle the same guy did right after he didn’t wash his hands
I wonder what would happen if a flood occured in a Lush shop
Why isn't The Neck Basket a real thing?
They say that a pot of gold awaits at the end of a rainbow. But which end?
It would be a win-win if websites used your PC to mine Bitcoin while you were on their site, thus making them money so they dont have to show ads.
When I have kids and they ask for money, I'm just going to give them $9 at a time. It's enough money for a meal, but makes it harder to buy drugs.
I wonder how much being a parent damages your hearing
I wonder what percentage of users browsing at any given moment are p
We should just train dolphins to be lifeguards.
The phrase "hold my phone" is like the modern version of "hold my beer".
Unicorns aren't real. We know this because their population isn't immense. Any animal that horny should be nearing overpopulation by now.
If I quit drinking and using drugs for one year, I could save enough money to go on the Eurotrip I’ve always wanted.
Why is it that when there is more than one goose it’s geese, but when you have more than one goose bump it’s not geese bumps.
Emma Stone is doing a great job filling in for what should have been Lindsay Lohan's career
I hope Earth is still in alpha because the developers (God Interactive) have many bugs to fix
I’m the end I don’t want to be omnipotent just a little potent
I figured out that people who stare at you are possibly taking off your clothes with their mind
I've gone my entire life never knowing nor questioning where flour comes from.
"Hold my phone" is like the high school version of "hold my beer".
If 98.6 degrees is the normal body temperature, then why do we almost always find 98 degrees outside to be unbearable?
What if Santa actually exists, and parents just being jerks and take all credit.
If schools really wanted to make you read they should force you to watch movies, that way you just couldnt wait to get home and read the book.
I wonder why your camera lens is round but you get your pictures rectangle.
Ice cream vans should play the Soviet Union national anthem, so people feel hungry when they hear it coming.
Professional sports leagues should hold a raffle for season ticket holders whenever a player of their respective team gets fined. Winner gets the fine.