How many babies have been fished out of outhouses because a laboring mom thought she had to poop?
If dentists make money off bad teeth, why would I buy toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Being "on Reddit" could easily be the street name for a drug and you could still be as disconnected from your surroundings just like when you're on Redd
I like how we can never get sick of ice cream but water is something we can have some much of.
Thanks to Amazon, it must be difficult having a friend/mate/spouse whose name is Alexa
Emojis are the new hieroglyphics.
In my mid-30s, but whenever someone says they're pregnant, I still think "ooooh! you had sex...!"
Why do people go on vacation to warm weather places during the summer when it’s warm already?
Did hunter gatherer groups say “back in my day we had to go find our food” to their kids when they became agricultural?
Even though I've never done it in my life, I am fully confident in my ability to count to 1,000
Do not fault the illness. Fault someone’s lack of willingness to mitigate its devastating side effects.
If ocean levels are rising, then that means mountains are getting shorter...
If Hillary Clinton would of won in the 2016 election it would have been the first time two presidents have had sex with each other.
If a big flies through my smoke clouds it probably gets high with me, so when I smoke by-myself then I’m really not by myself.
Yeah, online stores, but sorting by low-to-high price is often exactly what sorting by relevance means, to us.
I wonder how much of my genetics is determined by what fetishes my ancestors had
'Check out my stream' has become as annoying as 'Check out my mixtape'
People who sell drugs are called dealers, so dispensaries could be called dealerships.
Battery packs should be called juice boxes
Showers
Shouldn't the game be called "Guess Whom"?
People project physical human characteristics onto animals. My cats probably look like totally hideous aliens.
The first time a person called another a, "human", must have really freaked them out.
I wonder if all these high profile/celebrity suicides are connected to something bigger. Like something is about to fuck humanity up and they are only telling the rich and powerful. These people decided they didn't want to be around or for whatever is coming to fuck up the rest of us.
If someone doesn't speak any languages, then what does he say to himself in his head?
If algorithms and cookies can be so finely tuned into a person’s preferences and generate relevant ad content, is it possible that an algorithm could be developed to dissuade gun sales to people with potentially dangerous extremist views?
Are blind people color blind as well?
Et tu?
People try to run from the rain, when really they should be more afraid of the sun
Right here right now, you are the youngest you will ever be again.
Why was the character race change in Ghost in the Shell condemned, but the character race change in James Bond praised?
If you took a shit while wearing a thong, would it split in half?
Posting to r/vent is like screaming into the void except sometimes the void says "I feel you bro"
I grew up thinking Pet Smart is Pets Mart.
What if there was gum that cleaned your teeth as you chewed and you never had to brush?
Three people in the US own more capital than the bottom half of our people. This is because we continue to allow it.
Only reddit has content mostly from other social media yet the main complaint on reddit is that a post is actually a repost.
Demetri Martin is the human version of r/Showerthoughts
I wonder how many miles I've scrolled with my thumb.
What if your teeth were naturally flaccid and got hard when you are hungry.
Three people in America own more wealth than the bottom half of our citizens. This is because we continue to allow it.
Cars should have separate turn signals specifically for u-turns.
Memes and gifs are probably the best thing to happen to deaf entertainment since the invention of subtitles
Some wild plants mimic their body like toxic or harmful species for their self protection. I wonder how the hell the plants know how the harmful species look like.
F**k! That’s too hot
Do conjoined twins have separate Social Security numbers?
I would answer my cell phone a lot more if every number had caller id.
Due to Newton’s 3rd law, that burger you’re eating rn. Is a hand-me-down
What if death is like an eternal sleep paralysis?
Why isn't UPS commonly called "ups"
Everyone has a voice in their head, but no one will ever know what theirs sounds like.
I gained 10 lbs this summer, which means I ate 20 days of extra food.
By today's standards, Gaston from the animated Beauty and the Beast exhibits the tendencies of sexual predator.
Isnt a hammock a cot with erectile dysfunction?
I'm probably the first person in the world to say "Alzapatasso biggly-vop"
With Starbucks new rules of letting anyone use their bathrooms, the Starbucks app now also doubles as a free-toilet app.
If you melt down the components of a solid-state drive, does it become a liquid state drive?
I'm not dumb, I'm just left handed.
The Christmas stuff goes out early so that the people who can't afford Christmas might start saving sooner.
Talking about masturbation would be a lot less stigmatized if we called it "You Do You"
State a game you think had the dumbest AI then explain why?
There are a bunch of first and second graders out there this year with the name “Dovahkiin”
Reddit could just be a bunch of 14-years olds lying that they're old because they think everyone else is old and no one could ever know.
The fact that certain types of hairs on our body know when to stop growing is greatly under appreciated
A document of your accomplishments is called a "resume" because you want to resume employment.
Wonder when you take the first slice of a pizza with cheese and pepperoni hanging at the tip, this suddenly become the best quality/price bite
Pearl Jam must be very upset that they alienated their racist fans.
Why is it that everyone transported back in time spend the entire movie / book trying to return to today? I would stay and bet on all the big sporting events.
Glove compartment should be changed to random papers that relate to your car compartment
If we have the ability to fly after we die, I would already be an expert due to my nightly flying in my dreams.
The older I get...the more I understand the “Towanda!” scene in Fried Green Tomatoes...
having to take a dump right after showering is literally like the universe is shitting on you
The less certainty a person has about their conclusion, the more I tend to trust it.
I mistook/misread/confused Azealia Banks for Iggy Azalea during recent Elon twitter drama. Of course, who would want to spend time tweeting while high on acid when they could be sniffing the couch cushions.
Wouldn’t people who enjoy scary movies like to have nightmares?
Yeah, but sorting by low to high price is often exactly what sorting by relevance means, to us.
Just saw an advertisement for Tide Pods where they created a "childproof" Tide Pod container. Define "child"?
Why people always trying to outmaneuver.
Imagine if you could see every stranger’s photograph you were ever in the background of without knowing
If it's a gubernatorial race, then why don't we call them gubernators when they are elected?
A hamburger is actually a misleading name since it’s only made of beef.
Customer service drpartments should award credit / special discounts for people who try to self diagnose their problems. Saves a lot of time and money from having customer service reps repeat the basics 100x.
The same people who aggressively push made-up internet pedophile ring conspiracies refuse to talk about the largest actual pedophile ring in the world, even after a detailed report on the abuse of 1,000 of its victims.
Everytime someone is born, the average human height decreases.
In the future, when asked where they got their username from, some people will able to respond “I’ve had it since birth”.
People send you well wishes on your birthday, but shouldn’t they be congratulating your Mother for the pain she went through to bring you into this world?
If the US, like many other countries, wore “traditional clothing” for holidays and formal celebrations, we’d all arrive dressed as Pilgrims/Puritans.
If God created everything, who created God?
I could call my wife my ex girlfriend, and be 100% factually correct
Most of these shower thoughts probably don’t actually get thought of in the shower.
Online stores, when will you understand? Sorting "by price: low to high" is often exactly what sorting "by relevance" means, to us.
Am I the only one questioning Heaven's logistical operation? 7.6 billion people on Earth, when the Bible was written there weren't even 200 million. How long am I going to be waiting in line, just to find out I'm going to Hell?
What if we are just an advanced simulation in a computer?
I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job
If reality really is a simulation, are quantum mechanics part of the scoring system?
Now that I buy my own groceries I practically never through food away
If life was an MMO, are comatose individuals simply AFK?
We may never know who the first gay president was because they would not have come out due to of the time period they lived in.
I think a bucket could save you from a tiger attack.
If my job was a reality show, my "signature move" would be "forgetting the attachment."
If the hair around genitals are considered pubes, then I could be sleeping underneath sheep pubes every night.
Is it more of a complement for someone to say a photo you took looks like a painting or a painting you made looks like a photo?
Why didn't Thanos just snap his fingers again and make all living people forget about thr ones that died?
When I was a single guy who played video games all the time, all I wanted was a girlfriend. Now, as a married guy, all I want is to be able to play video games all the time.
I seriously doubt that EVERYBODY was Kung-Fu fighting
Someone should make a tv show about a girl with many dreams and aspirations being crushed by reality to become a good housewife
M. Night Shyamalan should make a film where the plot twist is that there is no plot twist, leaving viewers searching for hidden answers that were never really there.
Im the most introverted person i know.
What if John Schnatter was just singing Kendrick Lamar lyrics by request?
Blind people are just fully color blind, no pigments means no definite shapes.
There's no greater pleasure than skillfully navigating, in the dark, to the bathroom and position yourself directly over the toilet and releasing; and there's no greater horror of not hearing any sound.
How do you accidentally do something on purpose?
What if you remember something you forgot did you really forget it?
I'd bet the average anti-vaxer didn't play much Oregon Trail growing up.
If you smell yourself and think you stink; trust me so does everyone else!
Saying “my PC is slower than yours because it has a higher resolution” is like saying “my PC is worse then your PC because it’s better than your PC”
Things we consider "overrated" are just famous things we don't like.
Is there any chance that every upvote on this post saves a life. We might never know. Would we even want it to? Would it even matter? Would it make a difference?
I never ended up finding out what the #1 pencil was all about.
What if you could take pictures during your dreams, that'd be cool
My username
For the bugs that that get called an exterminator on, its an apocalypse
If you remember something you forgot did you really forget it?
There should be an amendment reserving the right to arm bears.
I should start taking some good looking pictures of myself, so my descendants have a good start here on Reddit and I finally get that sweet, sweet karma when I get posted on /r/oldschoolcool
The only time blind dudes can pee standing up is probably in the shower.
what if every time you die, your life restart from beggining and you don't know it?
When you say: I love disgusting people. You cant tell If you love doing it or love people who are disgusting.
Saying "Jesus fucking christ" is nothingelse than admitting that Jesus masturbated
"I know you're in there!" is an ineffective way to convince the person to let you in.
Who decided that "deadass" could be used to confirm something?
Ben 10's greatest alien was Alien X which is 10 in roman numerals
The Words of a Drunk Man Reflect the Thoughts of his Sober Self.
Why is there mustard gas but no horseradish gas?
I wonder how twins decide which one is planned and which one isn't.
Microsoft word is literally the grammar police
Back before the car was invented, Were people as passionate about their horse as we are about our cars now?
With the amount of things The Simpsons have already predicted, I am surprised there isn't a Wiki page with a list of all the incidents so far.
Stumbling across your parents old love letters is a dying occurrence. In the future it will be a much more devious act; involving hacking into their email.
I wonder what the results of Jesus' DNA test would look like.
People don't use the word "thwarted" enough.
The word hard has two opposites.
A Drunk Man’s Words are a Sober Man’s Thoughts
If the earth is flat a tsunami in Japan would never reach America.
The circle of politics: the right wants less government, the left wants more. The right gains power and now those same government agencies are considered a threat to democracy by the left. The result will be less government which is what the right wanted all along!
Ben 10's greatest alien was Alien X. X is 10 in roman numerals
It would be really hard to do your job as a police officer if your last name was Down.
The Backstreet Boys should change their name to the Backstreet Men
We should call ugly people lefties, because we swipe left on Twitter.
Everyone here enjoys using reddit and presumably wants it to continue to be available, but everyone also hates any changes made to try and enable reddit to become a sustainable business.
All gummy bears should be vitamin gummy bears
Not sure if this is a shower thought or not but why is it when you spill a drink you spend the next hour thinking about how great that drink would have been, as it was one of a special. Knowing that you could just go back to the fridge to get another.
In realty, swallowing sperm is really a genocide.
What did Waldo and Carmen Sandiago do to make us search for them?
Imagine if facebook posts were physically delivered to your front door in an envelope
I wonder how many punches have been thrown just because my headlight is out.
Most of the posts on this sub probably aren't thoughts that people actually had in the shower.
How come high has e but height does?
You might have had a political debate with someone online who was replying via the shitter
Church is like a voicemail from god. You can choose to listen if you have the time.
If you take a bite of the word EAT it becomes FAT
Watching season 1 of The Simpsons makes me feel nostalgic for 1989, even though I wasn't alive back then.
Mountains are our planet's moles and Volcanoes are pimples. One is associated with beauty and other spews out the inner liquids.
Yeah, but ... sorting by low-to-high price is often exactly what sorting by relevance means, to us.
Aren’t pool noodles just a pool flume for ants?
Sewer Sativa?
If I had saved the same amount of money for every individual Xbox achievement since 2006, I'd currently have saved over $90k
The TTC and YRT are two different public transport companies and I live around the border of their respective jurisdictions, thus I have to buy 2 different kinds of tickets.
I instantly assume people around me in real life are smarter than me, but on the internet i assume i'm smarter than them
If you punch yourself and it hurts, are you too weak or too strong?
When you say “Tostitos” it sounds like you’re saying “toasty toes”
Is Stefan Karl Stefansson now a dead meme?
Random violence, random thought..."random" just means we're too lazy to figure out the source.
The best case scenario is that you grow old and die.
Mountains are earth's moles and Volcanoes are pimples. One is associated with beauty and other spews out the pus.
Saying “ I know it sounds cliche” is now cliche.
Mark Zuckerberg is is only famous person that is not on Twitter
On a summer day, one shirtless guy usually means he's mowing his lawn. Two shirtless guys means trouble. Three or more and you're probably at a beach.
Cheap paper towels are just what they are -cheap
Perverted aliens probably get really disappointed when they google "Earth Porn" and click on /r/EarthPorn.
When you buy a bigger bed you have more bed room, but less bedroom
Why do we say subpar when describing something bad when subpar is excellent on the golf course
As someone who does a lot of skin/facial care and uses lots of products, my fingertips are gonna be youthful as hell when I get old.
What if Reddit auto-deleted users with a certain negative karma. You need to keep it up to survive.
Acolytes of the lightning cult would be electrolytes.
What if Patti LaBelle's "If You Ask Me To" is about anal?
When landlines were the primary personal communications device, you’d memorise your most called numbers off by heart from repetitive dialling. Now we have replaced that with remembering all our different passwords for logging in to our accounts
I always have to buy two popcorn when I go to the movies: one for the advertisement and one for the actually movie
Can we just appreciate how much larger 1 is compared to 0.
We should try unplugging the country and plugging it back in and see if that works
I don’t trust people with bulky upper bodies and scrawny little legs
I'm going to name my kid Lebron, just so that I can adamantly deny that I named him after Lebron James.
I wonder if ghosts ever say hey do you think humans exsisted.
Who started the first game of tag?
The most important person in human history may be alive right now
‘Deep’ is ‘deep’ upside down
Was an orange named after the COLOR orange or is the color orange named after the color OF an orange?
When robots and A.I.s take all our jobs and we all just loaf about needing to be entertained, "Entertainer" will be the last, great human job.
It’s odd that the X-Acto knives one would use to clip out magazine letter and make ransoms notes with are also referred to as “hobby knives”
If A Caterpillar Digests itself before turning into a Butterfly, wouldn't the parts that used to make up the brain be somewhere else, thus the caterpillar would have no memory of being a caterpillar when it becomes a butterfly?
The same person that would appreciate being told a more accurate approximation of how far away his/her friend is from a meeting also tends to say “I’ll be there in 5” three separate times instead of “I’ll be there in 15”
Thanks to Uber, more strangers have ridden around in my back seats than people I actually know.
Every year I have to scroll up a little bit further on the year for websites with age verification
Movies should end with a notice to "Please remember to turn your cell phones back on"
If the word to describe a verb is an adverb. Shouldn't the word to describe a noun be an adnoun?
If a subreddit had an option for a flair which looked like the gilded icon then things could get interesting.
Every year, I need to scroll a little farther to tell Steam I was (supposedly) born on January 1st.
There should be a special term for when your book, Adult Children of Alcoholics Trauma Syndrome, is soaked in the pink wine you just spilled.
The 80's and early 90's had a delayed nostalgic cycle because of the Noughties. In 5 years, 1995 to 2005 nostalgia will become at least as popular as Vaporwave.
will the next generation be super smart with the advancement of technology or be doomed to its use?
So if Thanos killed half of all life with the infinity gauntlet, wouldn’t that mean half of the bacteria in your gut would die? Something tells me you’d have a mean stomach ache.
Dogs have legpits instead of armpits.
If we're the most advanced/oldest civilization in the universe, that doesn't mean the worst of us are the best the universe has to offer but that the best of us are
Drugs are essentially life mods.
When you're 15 and 15 year olds are hot to you, it's normal. When you're 45 and 15 year olds are hot to you, you're a pedophile.
Is a subpar golfer good or bad at golf
I bet you divorce judges really hate having to read through pages of text messages and social media posts that led to a couple breaking up
If pee is stored in the balls, how do females pee?
The idea to make r/showerthought was probably a shower thought.
Right now is the oldest you’ve ever been and also the youngest you’ll ever be
In Spanish papa means potato and papá is dad (last syllable stressed). The equivalent of how this must sound is to call your father potató with the last syllable stressed.
People who grab another's hand when someone else throws them high five should all be put on an island to reflect on their social awkwardness before quickly starving.
Feminists try to look like men, even though they hate all men
I want to be a germ so that I can have ‘kids’ by myself
This current heatwave should give Europeans a good idea why Arabs were trying to invade Europe centuries ago
Is Kermit green because he is sick of mrs piggy? Because with the way he drinks iced tea he’s clearly not a frog.
Would it be wrong of myself to pee whole washing?
A compilation album between Jack White and Jack Black should be named "Yin and Yang."
A lot of the content on this subreddit isn't very original.
Any time I wave someone ahead in traffic I say "go ahead" out loud, knowing full well they cannot hear me.
How narcissistic was Wang Chung?
You can cure your low self-esteem by kidnapping yourself, putting a high ransom and developing Stockholm syndrome
If you put a lasagna on top of another lasagna, you still have one lasagna
What if dreams were like joining servers? Dreamers could join the dream of a local lucid dreamer, and you could join the same dream each night to hang out to talk and make friends.
My parents just compare me to their friend kids again . I tell my parents many times that everyone has their own value but they just keep telling me over and over about how good are their friend kids . It so hard to be a good Asian kid
If you think about it, taking pictures of beautiful moments you experience is like "Instead of admiring that pretty butterfly, I'm gonna catch it, kill it and showcase it"
Men have a time of the month like women do
Imagine how more amazing cereal would be if you could save it in the fridge like other food.
What if yawning is just a ghost forcibly putting their dick in your mouth?
What would be harder: finding a needle in a haystack or finding a certain needle in a needle stack?
A shower is something you are happy to get into when you are dirty, but sad to get out of when you are clean
I wonder how much of the Earth's water is trapped inside plastic containers in landfills/dumps/ditches etc. forever?
If the reaction is worse than the action itself , what would you think?
I believe I can fly
You're Rick Rolling yourself every time you see the words "never gonna give you up" in any sentence or paragraph and singing it in your head
I wonder how many people I have met as a baby have seen me again but neither of us knew
I would pay a premium for a fitted sheet that has “Bottom of the bed facing inwards” stitched on it.
I pick my nose a lot. Not because I'm a gross motherfucker that likes it, but because I'm a clean motherfucker that wants that shit out of me.
Do you ever actually wash your hands in the shower?
Damn.. first Bourdain, now McCain. if death really does come in 3s we really should be looking out for people with last names ending in "ain"