Whoever made the word dyslexia so I can spell sex daily with its letters is a legend.
What if reincarnation exists but only in a Groundhog Day type way.
If they wanted to "touch the sun" why did they launch at night?
Ginger is just an rearrangement of the N word
Side view mirrors should have a night mode just like the rear view mirror does.
God didn’t make man, man made God.
I always click on the u/[deleted] profiles just for the small chance that it’s actually someone with the username and they’re trolling everyone by just commented deleted...
The presidential narrative has shifted from ‘yes we can’ to ‘no we didn’t’
The trending notifications of posts with very little upvotes is a sign that the Reddit admins are taking control.
While thinking of a thought which I could have posted to gain a few karma, I also thought that so many people think of an idea mid shower to post, and then walk out of the shower just to completely forget what they were thinking about.
If Obama had tried to repeal the Second Amendment and white football players took a knee...they'd be considered national heroes.
It's also the worst type of test.
What would gas stations put on the wall behind the counter if there were no tabacco products?
If a public transport pays highway tolls the government would basically be paying themselves
If Christians believe that a soul leaves the body after death then that means resuscitation is the ultimate resurrection method.
McDonalds is advertising a new, juicier 1/4 pounder, which means it has less beef than the old 1/4 pounder.
Do you think famous singers sing their songs in the bath?
What if video games aren't played in the perspective of the character but a hidden camera on their body?
Netflix probably started the rumor they were gonna have adds playing just to se how people react and if they can get away with it
The more words you know, the less words you need.
Just like a flat earth, us being inside a round earth should be a thing.
Why are Sunday Nights so terrible?
Imagine if toilet paper was like sellotape and it took ages to find the start of the next sheet
YYZ is the name of a Rush song, and an airport.
There are two people made for eachother in this world, but one of them is gay
As far as I know my asshole has never been photographed.
You should really have spare shampoo and conditioner for when you run out.
I think it’s odd that the X-Acto knives one would use to clip out magazine letters and make ransom notes with are also referred to as “hobby knives”.
It's a good job that toilet paper isn't like sellotape in that it takes ages to find the end otherwise between that and Reddit, my toilet breaks would take hours
Are traps traps because they're trapped or is it because someone's about to get trapped?
Having a successful career is like being tall: it's a boost for single men, but for single women it limits the options they'll consider.
Kem M is just a person that can woosh alot of old greasy men on yahoo
Gordie's brother was a mensch. I mean come on.
The first John Wick is just a more intense remake of ´Dude, where's my car?'
I can’t wait to get a girlfriend so I can blow massive fukkin loads in her
"I'm a DJ" is the new "I'm in a band" for millenials.
The person that decided that all bags of chips should be 40% air are going to hell.
If you are born deaf what language would you think in?
I wish real life had our stats like GTA, because I want to know how many miles I’ve walked in my entire life.
If I had to live my life again, knowing everything I do now, I still wouldn't do it.
The cow probably jumped over the moon since it's one of the few words it can say
Are there more unique first names or surnames in the world?
Quitting social media, and sticking only to Reddit, or other anonymous-esque websites, is a sensory deprivation of sorts.
Who keeping moving the curtain *outside* the tub?
I imagine historical events in black and white
The people in the 1980’s thought that 2020 was the future because they thought we would want to expend the physical effort to make it that way
Cameras should have a small delay (~2s) before updating the image
Not once have I thought about how old Scooby-Doo and Mystery Inc. are.
Do you think famous singers sing their songs in the bath?
We have always learned that red is red and green is green, but what if we are all seeing different colors. Nobody would be able to describe what their colors look like, accept by calling them what they were taught they are called.
I will never let my child get into acting because I fear they might get a job in an annoying commercial and have to disown them.
Original NOTILUS Antimicrobial High-Pressure Luxury 3-in-1 Rain Shower Spa Combo | eBay
Imagine if Ansel Adams took selfies on his famous Yosemite photos.
When you meet your girlfriends parents for the first time and you introduce yourself, it just feels like saying: "hey, so I'm the guy that's been having sex with your daughter".
Movie irony
We "kidnap" our pets when we buy them and bring them home. They eventually grow to love us. All pets suffer from Stockholm Syndrome.
I now realize that feeling the need to always wear two t-shirts in high school makes no sense.
Addressing your kid named after yourself must be a little bizarre, seeing as that's probably the one name you are least likely to address anybody else by
The majority of the candy that I've eaten in my life has been offered to me for free
Sometimes I try too hard to think of the long smart word that I end up coming across really dumb.
With alcohol, I like the process of getting a buzz more than actually being buzzed.
I wonder if old people feed pigeons to make up for all the time they spent chasing pigeons as a kid.
If chewing gum wasn’t banned in schools, students wouldn’t have to stick it under tables.
Do couples just shake hands at the end of an Asexual Wedding?
Loving asses, but hating farts, is the butt equivalent of hating the sin and loving the sinner.
Whenever I hear an artist sing "but you," in a song, my brain always hears it as "bitch you,".
I don't have to worry about joining a cult. I'm not that motivated.
If I ask people to upvote my posts they never do, but if I ask them to downvote it, it gets downvoted to oblivion.
I need a bigger water heater
Maybe the saying "dogs mouths are cleaner than humans" actually means unlike dogs our mouths are tainted by profanity, gossip, and lies (among other things)
Does life on other planets see us as part of a constellation?
People who believe in vast government conspiracies must think very highly of their government if they think the government can coordinate and keep secrets involving that many people so well!
When you give someone food, you feed them. When you give someone a drink you... you water them?
Shower thoughtception
💩 What if he's really pudding?
What if someone was to put a bunch of babies together without contact to the outside world... What if they made their own language...🤔🤔🤔
If Jesus can walk on water, can He swim on land?
Come to think of it I don't think I've ever eaten inside of a dominos.
I think we were lucky that most humans don't get car sick.
In Britain they drive on the left. I wonder if thats why they have so many roundabouts as they get the satisfaction of going round them clockwise.
Why do we get in a car but get on the bus?
I wonder if watching the movie before the book is a better idea. That way, I'll never be disappointed.
I would rather take a Louis CK load to the face than be falsely accused of rape.
The scrabble score for Bush/Binladen is 9/11.
CONtent should not make us conTENT.
What was Miss Gulch going to do with Toto if he hadn’t jumped out of her basket?
If, as people say, ka rma has no value, then why do those same people get upset with others for whoring it?
Dog Years
You might not pick your family, but you can pick who you call family.
I like watching UFC for the same reason a lot of men like watching women's vollyball. Men look best when they're trying to kill each other.
The fact that mermaids can handle intense pressure change is underrated.
Public toilets are the only place where I can take my dick out in public and not get in trouble.
If we have lukewarm, why don't we have a "lukecold"?
Is Thanos a follower of the god of balance, Guthix?
Fandoms are like religions, the source material can be great, but the fanbase always suck
When we die I hope they show us the thing we were best at in the world.
I don’t know my spouse’s phone number, but I know the number for Papa John’s where I went to college.
Saying "I'm having a baby" sounds much less serious than saying "I'm making a person" despite meaning the same thing.
Some of us can control massive simulated cities, colonies, populations and cause them to thrive and hit the year 2098 but we can't pilot one colonist (you) IRL and make it to 2020
Pre-judging, generalizing, and labeling people for characteristics or circumstances they're born with, is frowned upon, unless it's regarding their generation, i.e., "Millennials"
It's gotta be shitty to die in the pokemon universe and your ascending to heaven then some fucking 10 year old throws a Pokeball at your soul and is like cool a ghost pokemon!
There should be a summed up and compressed version of wikipedia and call it quickipedia
George Bush is reverse Hitler- he started a war and THEN became a painter.
Shouldn't we people of Reddit up-vote "controversial" comments rather than down-vote them so that more people know how stupid that person is?
Loving asses, but hating farts, is the butt equivalent of hating the sin and loving the sinner.
If you follow all of the most popular subreddits, then your Home page would be exactly the same as the Popular page.
One thing Reddit has over Facebook is that when you’re hiding behind a fake username, at least you’re honest.
If I have unmarried sex with my lifetime girlfriend, we both go to hell for eternity together. Which is like a super marriage to begin with.
It is derogatory when someone is referred to as a "dog" yet it should be the highest compliment one could receive.
TIL posts will eventually be about the origin of the Save icon and why we say "hang up the phone"
I have never heard a car's panic alarm going off and thought "Oh, that person probably needs help!"
Waking up and laying in bed redditing until noon after going out on Friday night is the adult equivalent of Saturday morning cartoons.
In the game overwatch, one of the heroes, Orisa is an omnic based on the OR15 model. Since 1 looks like an I and 5 looks like an S, then Orisa’s name is actually OR15A or an improved version of the OR15 which is exactly what she is.
If your post on r/unpopularopinion makes it to the front page than it’s not an unpopular opinion
If Pee Is Stored In The Balls, How Does Neutered Animals Pee?
Being homeless means you just get out the house more.
Native American burial mounds are secretly our trash landfills from the future
If someone paints their car camouflage and you run into them is really your fault?
The next big royal wedding should be between Burger King and Dairy Queen
There would be a lot less religious people if their holy book had a comment section.
Your red could be my blue, my green could be your yellow, and your pink could be my purple.
If Star Wars was set a long time ago, what kind of technology do they have now?
If "warm" is colder than "hot", wouldn't cooling down hot water also be making it warmer?
Visitors
No matter how surreal another planet could be, you can still picture it and understand it’s somewhere out there in the universe. But if said planet is in another REALITY, how do you picture that?
If humans are about 60% water and need to drink it in order to survive, does that mean vampires are about 60% blood?
When I was first learning the alphabet I didn’t know anything about addition and therefore created the word dubelyew for the letter W in my mind
Jack white and Jack black should get together and make an album or something
I've tasted more imitation fruit flavors than the actual fruit themselves.
If everyone had the exact same dream one night, how long would it take for the entire world to realize what happened?
In society, "Alpha Male" is considered the best but an "Alpha" release of a product/software is considered the worst.
Sugar farm runoff causes harmful algae blooms just like sugar causes harmful bacteria blooms between my teeth.
If US Presidents were told about Area 51 secrets and aliens, it would have already been leaked from the Trump administration
So many people don't use "literally" correctly anymore I'm now literally saying "non-figuratively" instead.
Wearing gang colours and tattoos is basically the same as friendship jewelry.
I'm turning 32 in 1 week, and if I wanted I could completely relieve my entire live by going through every single communication ever sent and reveived and looking at every picture ever taken.
If the real life pro tip is in the comments, we should just repost the one in the comments until we are gods
Selling weed is just a MLM scheme
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
There is almost no overlap between the group of white people who get mad when people make racist jokes about minorities and the group of white people who get mad when people make racist jokes about white people.
I'm well travelled on the internet
After the gen x, y (millennial) and z, let's call the next ones moon and sun
r/AwesomeCarMods and r/Shitty_Car_Mods are usually the same cars.
If we thought Y2K was a mess, I cannot imagine the chaos when Y10K finally rolls around.
There is definitely a market for a hobby untrasound kit to connect to a phone and with which I can inspect brickwork behind plaster.
Whoever invented money must be some lazy ass smart dude with no goods to trade so he just invented i owe you papers to trade with.
So, was Reddit named after "Read it "? My wife had just asked me while I was showering if I saw a news story that I had, in fact, seen. My response was "Yeah, read it on Reddit ".... read on Reddit... read it Reddit...Reddit... It made me feel like I discovered the wheel.
What flavour is water?
Wtf is Trumps last name? It's too hard to remember
Not being allowed to upvote an archived post on Reddit is like being refused to visit the grave of someone you loved to pay your respects
Is it cannibasism to eat/drink sperm?
Meteors must be clean freaks because I only ever hear about them in the shower
I wonder if non binary LGBTQ people hate Spanish since the words have two genders.
Criminals that say "I didn't do nothing" while being arrested are admitting their guilt
Buildings dont make the earth heavier because the materials to build them were already on it
What is Trump's last name? It's hard to remember
So, was Reddit named after "Read it "?
A pre-shower poop is one of the best while a post-shower poop is one of the worst
Technically, money is just a bunch of I owe you's
Humpty Dumpty was never specified to be an egg in the rhyme. For all we know he was made out of glass or peanut brittle.
If these fumes kill my brain, I’ll never have to clean my bathroom again
If Trump is staying at his resort, he’s technically at his other house
It's amazing that we've been able to define words we made up with other made up words.
Due to the advent of smartphones, I imagine shampoo bottle scholarship while using the toilet has declined.
Were Angela Merkel American, her presidential election campaign song should be "I believe in Merkel", after Hot Chocolate's "I believe in miracles"
What if we're all capable of magic, but we just don't have access to a font of mana?
“Who’s up for ice cream?” means the same as “Who’s down for ice cream?” and answer either with “I’d be down for that” and “I’d be up for that” in a way that means “yes” even though none of this SHOULD be true.
Petri dishes contaminated with traces of Smallpox virus were stolen from a Russian Lab in the 1970s and if put in the wrong hands, could potentially be as fatal as the Spanish Flu since we would have nowhere near enough vaccine to cure everyone...
What would happen if we brought current technology back to a time like the Black Death?
Purebred is just a word given to dogs so they cost more.
A guardian angel can also be called a Life Guard.
If bikini bottom got extremely polluted, it would be called dirty bottom
someone should create a plugin to choose which websites adblocker should be enabled on.
Do cats know we can't see in the dark or do they just think we're idiots.
We had memes develop around "Ligma" and "Sugma" but not around the already existing word Stigma
If we know chameleons exist, haven’t they failed at their job?
No words rhyme with "month". Nor "orange".
The top layer of an elephant's skin should be called the "pachydermis".
We wish dogs could speak because we think they'd be adorable, but they would probably just say weird crap like hey, your armpit smells tangy... can I lick it
Why is it called "building" if its already built?
Literally a shower thought: Why, after 40 years, do I still feel like moderately warm water is going to melt my face off during a rinse like opening the ark of the covenant?
Do we call poop “poop” because of the sound it makes when it hits the water?
Do misandrists pray to Jesus?
What if the Ten Commandments were just a specific set of laws for a troublemaker named Thou?
How many veggie burgers with bacon have ever been served?
If you took a blind and dumb organism and gave it self-consciousness and a name, if you made it stand out of nature and know consciously that it was unique, then you would have narcissism.
Have you ever wondered about how many times you appear in the background of random peoples’ pictures?
Upon entering a bathroom with a closed door, my initial instinct is to smell if someone recently took a crap
Hang gliding seemed like a much more popular sport when I was younger.
Reddit is the best place for trolls because its so easy to make a new account here
Mobile users are probably the worst reddit users since they don't have subs rules constantly on their right.
Stocky and Stalky - 2 homynymous words with opposite definitions
If i have a sore throat I swallow every 20 seconds to make sure it still hurts
This subreddit should be called nightthoughts or bedthoughts as, at least for me, most of my ideas come from when I'm desperateely trying to sleep.
You know it’s time to legalize marijuana when its Sunday morning and you see that straw haired chick driving a Plymouth Reliant and know she’s been up all night sucking dick for some shit you probably never heard of and pull over and start looking for a new habbit just to get some head.
Most good actors can shed convincing tears but only the best can fake laughter that isn't awkward
It would be much more revealing for someone to google your username rather than your real name.
Most showerthoughts are actually thought up while taking a crap
Would an arrow penetrate a rhino's skull?
Noone ever really knows when itls your first day on reddit
Whenever a stop sign is stolen, it means someone won't be stopping when they should.
The phrase "The least you could do is try" makes no sense. No the least you could do is nothing.
In the interests of feeling less old, all born in the 90’s kids are only I n their 20’s or teens. At least, for now...
Saying that a player that eliminated you in a videogame is a noob means that you are even worse at the game
Saying that a player that kills you in a video game is bad means that you are really bad
Most good actors can fake cry convincingly but only the best can fake laugh without making you cringe
Supposedly BigFoot had only one foot
If Jesus actually came back today, people would probably think he's some crazy guy and throw him in a mental institution.
No one has ever truthfully answered “yes” to the question, “Are you asleep?”
There was a time when people used to take newspaper while going to washroom in the morning. Our generation is taking phones. I wonder what will be next.
If last names relate to the profession your ancestors once had, then Reese’s great great grandma did something pretty special With her spoon.
If a unicorn is a horse with one horn then a regular horse with no horn could also be called an acorn
Downy wrinkle release does not get nearly the credit is deserves
If the Holy Grail was really Mary of Magdalene, the story that the Grail was passed around by Jesus during the last supper gets rather weird.
Companies advertise their product to get more exposure and potentially boost sales. So if their competition doesn't advertise as much or at all, that means they are the better choice since the general population prevers the competition for whatever reason (ex. Car ads)
If the Holy Grail was really Mary of Magdalene, what should be made of the story that the Grail was passed around during the last supper?
I lock my doors at night to protect those who would attempt entry...
What if humans are constantly high on oxygen and drugs like marijuana simply revert them back to their normal state?
If a bulldozer did what it’s name describes, it would put cattle to sleep.
Do the construction workers ever have left over pieces after building an IKEA store?
Dora calls herself an “explorer” but she only travels through mapped territories.
Is it called tinder because half the women on there might burn your house down?
Is it called tinder because half the women on there might burn your house down?
Subreddits are just really big fan clubs
When you forget what you are doing either on the way to do it or in the process of doing it, what if that is the Matrix reloading the last save point?
Reddit is the only place you can click on a thanos meme, read comments related to the office, understand the entire joke, but not watch either show/movie at all
If teachers started their PowerPoint slides with a clickbait title like videos on YouTube, students would probably pay a lot more attention.
Reposts are like reruns only they happen after only an hour
When people who have no teeth want nice breath. Do they say "brb, going to brush my toungue" or do they rely on mouthwash
If time is money, why can't we print more time?
I just realized that ketchup is basicly tomato jam
I believe that cloning is unethical. What would my clone do if it found out it was a clone?
I've always wanted to be a blind dog's seeing eye human
Now, as an adult, I regularly brush two or three times a day. But, mostly because I worry about beer breath before I go back out.
Do Amish buys have to rowboat thier wives?
How do you write 75 cents correctly ?
I feel bad for people who live with someone named Alexa.
Air I exhale or food I vomit have been in contact with parts of my body I’ll never be able to see or touch
I’ve been single for so long, I learned how to dislocate my shoulder just to apply sunscreen on my back.
Can we all calm the fuck down with our internet vigilantism?
How can you meet the woman of your dreams if your an insomniac?
Winning money is better than earning it. But if you won it, have you really earned it?
Shouldn’t more than one Cheez-It be a Cheez-them?
What if we make an online anthology that gathers only the best (most influent, cult, viral) of internet contents since its beginning, divided in categories each one containing, like, 100 positions?
Is water wet ?
Since matter cannot be created nor destroyed, I wonder how much of me has been someone else before
I have little or no appreciation for the vast majority of excellent things
What if you get hungry when you are stressed because your body just can't imagine what you could have to be worried about if not imminent starvation?
I've only seen The Sixth Sense five times because I'm afraid to find out what happens if I watch it for the sixth.
People who are abused from birth know nothing else, yet know it is wrong. This suggests we are born with morals but who decided what these morals were, since they have no link with instincts or survival?