No matter how much I try to learn, it feels like I get less intelligent.
What if Trump's candidacy was initially just a ploy to make a quick buck off of selling hats? I mean, he is a business man after all.
The word “prime” has a prime letter count and “composite” has a composite letter count
No matter how many times I read the alphabet, "i" never comes before "e" after "c."
Reddit should give karma for upvotes to reward introverts. They are a vital part of this community.
I realized that some of use look at our phones hours a day and not going out doing activities
Planet Fitness might be the "Judgement Free Zone", but I still judge them for misspelling "judgment"
You could actually come up with a completely original shower thought entirely on your own, but no one would ever know because it would be drowned out in the millions of other fucking reposts you see here on this subreddit.
What if the lamb sauce was between Gordon Ramsay's foreskin and dickhead all the time
Cleaning my house while my kids are playing is like brushing my teeth while I eat Oreos.
I could be friends with an A List Celebrity on PS4 and I wouldn't even know it.
if you dont then your mother isnt a mother if mother doesnt gay you isnt you fucking
To some people yellow lights mean speed up, not slow down
Disabling the Comments on a Youtube Video You Posted is the Equivalent of Putting Your Fingers in Your Ears and Spouting Gibberish
The worst thing about living alone is there's nobody to be overdramatic to when you're ill
Does medusa have tiny snakes for armpit hair?
Some people currently in their 20's will live long enough to see something as culturally relevant today as Super Mario,Nirvana's Nevermind or T2 turn 100 years old
Soap dispensers are dirtier than toilet seats.
Jesus could turn water into wine and his body was bread. That means you could buy water for, like, free, get him to turn into wine and eat him afterwards
Seeing car parts on the side of the interstate is the automobile version of seeing body parts on a hiking trail.
If time travel was possible, it would be impossible to save yourself from certain death.
Why do we park in a driveway but drive on a parkway?
If this probe and indictment are sucsesfull, Trump will have caused the swamp to be drained.
If we’re already at “Xeljanz” we’re going to have to get really fucking wacky with medication names in the future
I think I'll wash my nuts now.
If we’re already at “Xeljanz,” prescription medication names are gonna have to get pretty fucking wacky in the future
If you itch your balls, are you playing with your kids and does that make you a good dad?
Since celery is 90% water, does that mean that the ocean is 10% celery?
Somewhere, someone hasn't put their Christmas lights down yet.
What if Medusa has little snakes coming out of her armpits?
There should be a subreddit that combines r/FiftyFifty and r/SweatyPalms, where there’s a 50% chance that the person doing the risky stunt succeeds/fails
No matter what you say on any post or comment thread, there is a subreddit that fits the tone of what you say.
"Oh fuck!" usually means something bad happened; "oh shit!" usually means something good happened.
If I itch my balls, am I playing with my kids and does that make me a good dad?
There's no "I" in recyclops.
Netflix movies are the next generation of straight-to-DVD films
Is it possible for something to be too gray?
The plot thickens
Dogs might feel bad for us because we only have two legs.
Some people currently in their 20's will live long enough to see somthing as culturally relevant as Super Mario,Nirvana's Nevermind or T2 turn 100 years old
Why isn’t carpentry considered a holy trade.
14 year olds can technically post anything they find deep in r/im14andthisisdeep
How do gay cops distinguish between their partner and their Partner?
I still haven't found the right pillow
When you're a celebrity, reading TMZ is like reading our facebook
Whether you believe in a God or not, human existence is one way the universe is trying to understand itself.
If two mind readers read each other’s minds, who’s mind are they reading?
The men in MILF porn are genuine mother fuckers.
If someone injected the goo inside a cocoon into another cocoon, would we get a butterfly twice as big? Or two butterflies?
Is something like art beautiful because it triggers emotions or are emotions triggered because something is beautiful
Laws prohibiting incest are probably less about avoiding genetic disadvantages and more about keeping people from avoiding taxes.
If pictures worked like they do in the Harry Potter universe my Nana would be so disappointed in me.
The mayor from Jaws is still the mayor in Jaws 2 which is why it’s important to vote in your local elections
“Eye for an eye” is just taking karma into your own hands
The day old reddit is officially gone will be the same day I quit reddit.
There are a lot of similarities between what’s going on in the world of bread, and the current issues of the US. i.e. White Bread, I shall say no more
Press f to pay respects to all the great showerthoughts auto-mod deemed unworthy
There are a lot of similarities between the US’s current state of race relations and what’s going on in the bread world.
What If my dog thinks fetch is me rejecting gifts from him
How do parents teach the word "the" to toddlers?
Why is it when you're texting and find something funny you laugh in real life then don't put anything saying you laughed in the sentence, but when something is mildly funny you put "lol" or "lmao"
I never realized the “butter” in “Butterfinger” comes from the fact that the inside is made out of peanut butter
Ever wonder why we sometimes take a dump right after we’re done with the shower?
I bet pianos are the least stolen item around the world.
Aaaaah fuck! It’s a shower thought in shower thoughts!
There are a lot of similarities between the current state of the bread consumption world and what’s going on in the US. For example, white bread, no longer the king of all breads.
TIL is politely posting OC
The meaning of the saying "I need that like I need a bullet in my head" sure has done a 180.
You can hide nuclear launch codes in the secound page of google and problebly no one will find it
I'm just saying
Kiki doesn't love Drake because in "God's Plan" he says that he loves her only partly.
There are a lot of similarities between the current state of bread consumption and what’s going on in the US. Think about it.
There are a lot of similarities between what’s going on in the US, and the current state of bread consumption. i.e. white bread, not on top anymore
Is it still a showerthought if you think of it not in the shower?
October 12 1985 was a very interesting day for Marty McFly.
Surely a male barista should be called a Baristo.
Kiki doesn't love Drake because in God's Plan he says that he loves her only partly.
When we do something wrong in school teachers ask us "Would we do that at home?". But if I wear my pjs and eat a bowl of cereal during class, it's "inappropriate".
You can’t have shower thoughts in shower thoughts.
There must not have ever been aliens at Area 51, because there is zero chance Trump could've kept quiet about it for this long.
When people are streaming on twitch, why dont dont they call it twitching?
I wonder how much I'm sweating right now
The National Enquire could actually have a Trump sex scandle bombshell, but nobody would ever belive The National Enquire.
A man wearing another man's name on himself in the form of a jersey is technically a very emaculating thing to do even though these are the types of guys to go on and on about alpha male nonsense.
I wonder how many people have done keyboard spams and got the exact same string of letters as one you did..
Does the letter C steal the sounds of K and S or do K and S emulate the sounds of C?
T'Challa's movie was another Captain America: C.W in disguise.
I wonder if someone injected the goo inside a cocoon into another cocoon, would we get a butterfly twice as big? Or two butterflies?
Tony the tigers iconic “they’re grrrr-eat!” Is a tiger growling at me, then telling me to eat.
Ever wonder how long Rapunzel’s pubes were?
Why don't crickets chirp during the day?
You should be a pineapple. Stand tall, wear a crown, and still be sweet on the inside.
If it was easy to wake up early, and hard to go to bed late, I would get a lot more sleep
What are the logistics of Bomb Voyage in the French version of The Incredibles (2004)?
I refuse to use Siri or Alexa because using typing has always worked just fine for me. I am the equivalent of a stereotypical old person stuck in their ways.
I’m super mario bros, Mario wants to save the princess who is in a lot of danger, but wastes time visiting worlds he knows she won’t be in
Flag makers should be some of the biggest lobbyists for Puerto Rico's statehood. They'll make a bunch of money when everyone has to buy new flags
Since your atoms are constantly being replaced and my memories are changing, not much of you really continues on.
I can't help but respect someone that has a good signature.
My friend giving me 5$ of gas money after 3 weeks of consistent rides to work is like a college student giving his/her professor a macaroni necklace as a gift at the end of the year
If someone hits your car in a bout of rage, is it still considered a car accident or a car intentional?
Maintaining/plucking my eyebrows is like a very, very slow game of Whack-a-Mole.
The only time I've ever used the panic button on my car key is when I accidentally press it, causing me panic.
I'd much rather be pissed off than pissed on.
What if the reason why 1 + 2 + 3 + ... = -1/12 is because we live in a simulation and we created an integer overflow?
I don't know when I'll die, but I'm pretty sure my last thought will be "Thank god for incognito mode."
Have you ever noticed that internet providers have some of the slowest websites?
A talent competition where you can vote unlimited times is more a competition for who has the most psychotic fans.
Future civilizations will probably look at American football the way we look at Roman gladiatorial games.
When selecting an alarm sound, I’m choosing based on what sound I don’t mind developing a lot of hate for.
I would never trust a financial model that used a week's worth of data to predict a company's performance for a whole year. But I trust models of the universe that use a few hundred years of observable data to predict the course of the universe over the next trillion years.
A white person's bare bottom is a "full moon", I wonder if a black person's bare bottom is a "new moon"...
Soon, discovering your parents’ old love letters will be a much more devious act and likely involve illegally accessing their email account.
People stopped beheading the aristocracy when they got the right to vote. More democracy = less murdered rich people.
Right now you have access to virtually all the information in the world, yet you are reading shower thoughts on Reddit.
The dictionary definition usage of the word "trump" is probably going to fall out of style for a few generations.
Right now you have access to virtually all the information in the world, yet you sit here reading Shower Thoughts.
Both Millennials and Baby Boomers as children were terrified to go to bed after these shows aired on television: Unsolved Mysteries and The Twilight Zone respectively
Linking a subreddit is practically the same using a hashtag
Many of us were given full names which our parents never had any intention of calling us by.
Imagine how many times Bruce Banner has had to apologize for stuff
Dog Parks are basically zoos with dogs.
They should do a Groundhog Day reboot and just rerelease the original.
I'm all for the metric system, but the thought of a dick measured in centimeters will never not be funny to me
The word "otherworldly" is going to take on a very different meaning after we colonize a second planet.
I find it interesting that both inbreeding and reposting of a GIF ultimately ruin the final quality each time.
Sometimes the best way to take care of your things is to pretend they are someone else's.
Tonight is the night I break the mold.
Its 2018 and a can of coke will still implode on you when you try to open it.
Instagram has essentially become people trying to make themselves out to be cheesy motivational posters. (Insert picture of me with my back to the camera, arms open, looking at a waterfall with the following caption: “greet life’s downfalls with open arms and you’ll be surprised by the beauty”)
Club soda has zero calories and no sugar, tonic water has tons of calories and sugar. Shouldn’t they actually be called Club water and tonic soda?
They should change the name of herpes simplex (1&2) to creeper virus, the literal translation.
Many of us were given a full name which we never go by just so we could be called by its nickname.
The idea of putting the words “South Africa” and “white” in one sentence, while advocating for the “white” is dumb beyond recognition. It is like an idiot who uses a match to look into a gas tank.
Are seedless watermelons equivalent to being neutered?
Some people get a USB cable in first time, others manage second. I’m averaging at least three attempts.
When you say "24/7" you really mean "24×7"
"Game recognize game" is the positive version of "I know you are but what am I".
There came a day when I started to throw out cardboard boxes instead of making a spaceship or time machine out of them
Club soda has no calories and no sugar. Tonic water has tons of calories and sugar. They should actually be called Club Water and Tonic Soda.
do countries that use the metric system measure their dicks in centimeters?
I wish some ninja/monk clan would come and train me to be their leader, I am tired of this shit and mundane life.
If there was 100% proof of god, suicide rates would sky rocket.
A white person's bare bottom is a "full moon", that must mean a black person's bare bottom is a "new moon"...
When testing the effects of a new medicine, a control group is given a placebo. But what is given to the control group when you want to test the effects of a placebo?
How can someone get mad and tell people to mind their own business in public, Isn't all business in pubic everyone's business?
I always let ladies out of the elevator first, but then they get to the next door before me and end up opening it for me.
If you ate Toad from mario, would it taste like meat or mushrooms?
Does calling someone a dickhead imply that they have a dick on their head, or that they are the head of a dick...?
What if getting a song stuck in your heart, is just the other half of your brain singing? (Context link in comments)
I feel like it was a missed opportunity not calling nursing schools “nursery’s”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a rabbit just walk or anything f like that before
The POTUS should be required to pass an AP U.S History Exam
They should change "all you can eat" into "all we can make"
However good you think you look now, one day you’re gonna look back and say “what the fuck was I thinking?”
Being dried off by someone else after a shower is a really overlooked benefit of being a kid.
It’s taken almost 2 years to understand why everyone called Reddit a giant circlejerk. But I get it now.
You can upvote this post to give it one more upvote and that will make my day
never met a christian that wasn’t a judgemental asshole
Somewhere far in the cosmos there is a coffee shop chain called Earthbucks
Christianity is the grandest conspiracy theory.
Cough drops are called cough drops because they drop the amount of coughs you have.
Since the invention of the smartphone, I bet that more men have sat down to pee than at any other time in history.
If god only gives his strongest challenges to those who can deal with it best, then homeless people must be the strongest and uber rich people must be weak
If your wait times are always "higher than normal due to heavy call volume", that's your normal call volume, and you are understaffed.
Coca cola strategically went with a metric measurement of 2 liters so Americans wouldn’t sneer: “Just 0.53 gallons of sugar water? What is this, Coke for ants!?”
I wonder how many US presidents are alive right now including the ones that haven't been elected yet.
Are French braids called French braids in France? Or just braids? Or something entirely different?!!
Racial discrimination is illegal when employers choose which employees to work with, but not when employees choose employers.
When cum drips down Anne Hathaway’s face, it probably pools right between her thighs if she’s crouching right.
Heartbreak happens twice. First, when you initially split up. Second, when she changes the damn Netflix password
Maybe Americans call it soccer because you use the part of your body that wears socks.
Deaf people moans the loudest when they had sex and sounds like they're being stab to death.
Someone should build a phone app that sounds like a bathroom fan for when you poop at someone else’s house
Whenever I see someone leave their word document open and then go to the bathroom, I wanna go type "hey you suck" and then leave.
Imagine that a rover in on Mars becomes a self learning AI and conquers all of the planet.
Fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing.
[NSFW] /r/unexpectedtitty is full of expected titties
can’t afford to live, can’t afford to die
I feel like this subreddit could easily be called dishwash thoughts or vacuum thoughts.
When I die. I think it would be cool if my ashes were mixed with wax. Then a huge ass lava lamp made from that.
I always think I can draw a better smiley face on my shower door every morning, and every morning I realize a smiley face can only look so good
Its way easier to swallow down the wrong tube than it is to breathe down the wrong one
Anne Hathaway, Shakespeare, cum, face, bots.
The reason people say they can "only sing in the shower", is because you can hear your voice echoing of the shower walls, and adjust pitch accordingly.
do you guys like this?
What happens if Gordon Ramsay is a serial killer? Will he become Hannibal Lecter?
Don't drink and reddit kids, you just might get permanently banned from your favorite subreddit.
Artichoke hearts dont belong on pizza, it's like, "Nice! Is that a piece of chicken let's eat it!" Then the tastebuds die
Is hockey a watersport?
When you are on a diet, If you have 1 meal a day is that a cheat meal, or a cheat day?
Think about it do you actually like Coca Cola?
Substance abuse is looking at all your shit, thinking "yeah, that's sober me's problem" and deciding to avoid it one more day.
Is the S or C silent in Scent?
Now that crypto is expanding into games. I'm expecting hard-core gamers to earn money.
I have no memory of ever buying a key ring and I have no idea where I got the ones on my keychain now.
My shampoo lasted longer than my paycheck...
The world would be a better place without me
I've never once thought, "Wow, I'm glad Num Lock isn't enabled by default."
Are baby gender reveal parties considered a hate crime now?
Adulthood is when you stop judging childhood celebrities for letting themselves go and start thinking, "yeah, I get it."
Every household appliance should have a QR code which, when scanned, would lead straight to manual download page
The only contact I have are my contact lenses
I think that the worst problem of modern society is the discrimination against the "poor but trying" people of the world.
Amazon should have a "Secret Santa" feature, where you buy an item for a random person who has it on their wish list.
I thought I was going to be spongebob growing up until I got in the real world. now I'm squidward
I always worry about waking people up by flushing a toilet, even though I've never been woken up that way
I was wondering what would be the outrage if somebody tried pulling off this in today's society. Can even Sacsha do so if the show is renewed?
what if Steven Hawking was hacked?
Commercials have more often than not persuaded me to not buy a product or service.
Who coined the phrase 'to coin a phrase'?
Why is it bad to use high school accomplishments on a resume, but PBR gets to keeping bragging about an award they won in 1893?
"Somebody That I Used To Know" is now just 'a song that we used to sing'
Even though the campaign ended years ago, I still get upset when I go to Subway and can't get a footlong for 5$.
I never see or use my smartphone in any of my dreams
If Mr. Incredible fucked Elastagirl, is he a pedophile?
How does loneliness exist when there are so many people in this world?
The seven dwarves had exclusive rights to a diamond mine, yet lived in relative squalor.
Answering Yes or No to "Can you hear me" is redundant
If you have to ask, is it even in question?
Why do English muffins have unequal halves?
Why isn’t October the eighth month?
When is the last time you got a paper cut?
Music streaming services should do us a solid and combine "We Will Rock You" and "We are the Champions" on their playlists.
My mother slapped me in the face *playfully* , i told her not to do that again and she told me she was my mother and she could do whatever she wanted to me
25% of the Russian population lives in the Asian part of Russia. Does that make 25% of the Russian population asians?
My apartment doesn't have a bug problem. It has a free range ant farm.
The opposite of inside-out isn't outside-in, but feels like it should be.
This water is the same temperature as my blood.
How does Adam and Eve a navel?
By saying “I’m not going to dignify that with a response” you are in fact dignifying it with a response
I probably swiped left on my soulmate just cause she took a bad selfie
Why is a lot Christianity based on forgiveness and being sorry for our “sins”?
The people who live within 50 miles of the I-10 corridor alone are reason enough why we will never be invaded by a foreign country.
I think we can all agree
What if we’re all using Fullscreen mode
Ads should have an “already bought it” button so you can stop the product from being advertised.
this is as disappointing as the time i cracked open some alphabet soup and got all a's
What is bark made of?
I've never seen anyone bring a beach ball to the beach.
I have never seen a movie or show where a character waits a realistic amount of time for an elevator.
What of the meteor that hit the earth was actually a (an?) UFO and we are the aliens?
What if Dinosauars never went extinct? Would they have eventually evolved into sentient beings?
I wonder if DMX ever found out where da hood at?
Why is it a 'breeze' on a hot day, but 'wind' on a cold day?
Did birds always sing like they do today or are they changing their singing over time?
There should be a gold licence plate driving test for experienced, better reaction drivers that allows them to drive 20mph above the speed limit
I wonder if the Raiders will go to the Superbowl their first year in Vegas.
I constantly talk to my dog as if he was a human, but I would be surprised if he actually responded like a human
Why do dogs put their head out the window when driving but hate being blown on?