‘Father of Mine’ by Everclear is just ‘Cats in the Cradle’ by Harry Chapin.
I just lost the game.
Is Russia like Alaska but a country?
Of the motorcyclists who've whizzed passed me on the interstate, I wonder what proportion are still alive...
Are they bunnies or rabbits?
What will happen if we all decide not pay any taxes?
Do monsters under 18 have a cerfew during the day like humans during the night?
Did yo mama raise you bad, if u are a bitch?
Kowing how many people break their phone screens I'm not sure we are ready to have the all glass phones like in iron man
Do baby centaurs suck on the human nipple or the horse nipple?
What if dreams are sometimes experiences from other people you see threw their eyes ?
Do you think that people who are in comas are rested? Or when they wake up are they like “You know what I could use? A nap.”
Has anyone ever pooped without peeing?
No matter what language you speak, you can understand "I don't speak your language" in any language.
You can’t hear what your internal monologue sounds like
Why don't Skittles have personalities only M&Ms. Skittles are like the sex doll version of M&Ms?
If written today, Lauryn Hill’s “Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You” would get mistaken as an ode to her smart phone
Sure, you told an ex the way you really feel. But have you ever put a belt on a pair of saggy pants? It's the most satisfying "eff you" I've ever given.
Buns (the hairstyle) look nothing like buns and should be renamed rabbit or bunny tails immediately
"Net" in "Netflix" used to mean that you're placing an order via net, and has absolutely nothing to do with content delivery
I have never met an illiterate adult.
Lauryn Hill’s “Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You” could easily be about a smart phone
A true business man says things like, "if I had a dollar for every time I had a dollar, I'd be doubling my profits!"
A girl having her grandmother's name as her middle name is the female equivalent of a boy being a "Jr."
There are hundreds of thousands of words in the English language....
Old people have the biggest ears but the worst hearing
If I had testicles and a womb and and I used my own jizz to impregnate myself would the baby be exactly like me?
Why is it that in order to fall asleep, we have to pretend to be asleep first?
I bet fast food companies know where to buy lots of leather.
If you went back in time and had sex with yourself, would it be masturbation?
If Thor speaks Groot, and Thor calls Groot Tree, either Groot’s name is Tree or Thor is very rude with introductions.
If you go through the five stages of grief from depression, would you ever get to acceptance?
If you purposefully get into a car accident, is it really an accident?
Dogs probably think we spend all day hunting while we’re at work and share our kill when we come home and feed them.
Isn't a scarecrow just an Amish body pillow?
It's 2018 and my new microwave does not have a beep silence function, not even for punching in a time.
There's no mention in the nursery rhyme of Humpty Dumpty ever being an egg.
Lauryn Hill’s “Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You” is an ode to her smart phone in 2018
If you’re bad a grammar you’re not making it to the front page.
Vampires were probably an excuse back in the day for cheaters with hickie marks on their necks. They would rather take a stake to the heart, than to admit the were unfaithful.
I can't remember the color order sequence of the Google logo ,and I see it every day
I wish the phrase "Shut up and take my money" would give way to "Shut up with the marketing language and give me the facts, limitations and caveats of your product"
Babies fight to stay awake all the time. I’d love to pass out in a restaurant and it be acceptable.
If a dentist makes money off people with bad teeth. Then why would we buy toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Why are headphones called headphones when they’re clearly earspeakers?
That's all well and good, but what should you do if life gives you lemonade?
Power Rangers are definitely not smart. Everytime they let the enemies grow. Megazord could come at the beggining of every battle and crush those monsters. Easy win.
If we end up with a Space Force, would it's members be called Spaceronauts?
If a two gosses are called geese why aren't two moose's called Meese?
We can all manipulate the sound coming out of our vocal chords with expertise. That means we are all amazing at playing at least one instrument
They should really be called PortPasses
If there are infinite parallel universes, one exists where Hitler was a gay Jew...
A majority of people who believe in ghosts or supernatural things that say “I consider myself a very grounded person, I’m just looking for real evidence” is like a druggie saying “I’m not addicted to it, I do it because I enjoy it.” We all know your going down a slippery slope...
Sometimes we see "clones" of people we know. That means that the humanity has all the possible faces?
What would sports on the moon be like?
Doing "everything but sex" is a lot different than doing "everything butt sex".
The best thing about old flip phones was being able to aggressively flip it shut after you finished a contentious conversation, bonus points if you had the last word.
Texting is more enjoyable because I can have the conversation in my head the way I want to rather than listening to it in the tone intended.
A day of celebration is called a holiday because they were originally used to celebrate Holy-Days
Surely everyone who works in customer service, no matter how nice and helpful they are, will get complaints and abuse at some point due to the customer is always right ideology?
The most underrated perk of our bodies is that even though there’s an opening in our anus the smell of feces doesn’t permeate until after it’s out.
After years battling enemies, Power Rangers should call immediately the Megazord and crush them before they grow as always.
There could be someone watching you right now and streaming it whit a really small camera
“Shine bright like a diamond” should be reflect light like a diamond
What if extremely autistic people are just alien envoys who do their best to understand and imitate human behaviour?
People can't understand the reason Power Rangers won't call Megazord at the start of every battle as they know there's a high chance of the enemy grow big.
One of the main arguments against women being in power is that they're "too emotional". Meanwhile, Theresa May (priminister of Great Britain) is criticised for being "robotic"
My mushy brain is communicating with your mushy brain right now.
A Zombie Apocalypse Will Most likely be resolved by the government before we see anything but all the "planners" would already have started mass chaos in the streets by looting stores.
Are the people that bet everything on 2012 doomsday doing ok?
If we would invent time travel, would it be a game-breaking bug?
The radio is the worst place to advertise hearing aids.
Is the ISS constantly falling out of the sky?
Do nerdy Hispanic parents say "frio frijoles" instead of "cool beans"?
Age should be measured in levels instead of years old. To say you reached level 80 in life is more bad ass.
If we travel out of our solar system, we’re going to have to come up with another name for solar power.
To spell the name of the word 'W' you don't even use the letter, what makes it pretty shitty.
Coffee tables should just be made out of what coasters are made out of.
Shower thoughts were just everyday thoughts before we got addicted to our cellphones.
You can get lots of karma in this sub for simply stating the bleeding obvious
People with one eye should use .) instead of :)
There are reposts you'll never see, because you aren't subbed.
There's a bunch of documentaries that focus on the terrible things that animals grown for food go through, but theres not a single one about modern day sweatshops and the major companies who still utilize them overseas. We apparently care more about "poor cows" than human rights.
The first person to repost a Showerthought must have really shocked the community.
Age should be considered in levels as opposed to years old. I do not want to be 80 years old, I want to be able to say I’m level 80 in life.
The depictions of Satan as a devil/demon with a pointed tail/ horn/red body are incorrect because he was an angel (now a fallen angel), and unless he went through some image change, he probably looks the same as he used to.
I wonder what underwater smells like.
"No" would be a great name for a company that sold MSG
Every Redditors dream to to capture the top post right now, go back into the past and post it before it got posted so they can get the juicy upvotes
Why are ginormous and enormous both words?
You should be able to upvote/downvote drivers on the road. Too many downvotes, license gets suspended for a week. Enough upvotes, reduced insurance payment for a month.
If there are two ladders and I don’t want the first one, then I must be asking for the latter ladder.
Puerto Rico is being taxed without representation, by the USA
If black people were still slaves our crime rate would drop significantly
God is a vegan. There's no way he's not.
The Office (US) would not succeed today because of Michael Scott's racist and sexist behavior.
Elsa from frozen is an Obscurial 😱
People that speak french sounds like someone speaking backwards.
We're always pointing out how narrow beauty standards are shitty, and they are. But sometimes we should celebrate the fact that despite these narrow standards people who look all kinds of ways get laid every single day.
I'm pretty sure the only place to get a cold 2-liter of soda is pizza places...
Are emotions just a series of if then statements?
An airline that banned children would just be full of the type of adults who want to complain about other passengers.
If you think that Pennsylvania is the only place where sexual assaults happened in Catholic Churches, you are crazy. This is about to blow up. Hopefully those criminals will be held accountable. Including those who covered things up.
The Office would not succeed today because Michael Scott's racist and sexist behavior in the workplace would not be something to laugh at anymore.
Aural and Oral are two complete failures of the English language and quite frankly we should be ashamed of ourselves.
Ive never heard a female say I had a great dude but i messed it up.....
What does underwater smell like?
"Movie" is 1910's slang for "moving picture"
What if women farted from their nipples..
Saying "cut in half" and "cut in two" has the same meaning, but multiplying by 1/2 and multiplying by 2 have opposite meanings.
"No Kid Hungry" reports more than 13 million children in the US are living in "food insecure" homes. The CDC reports that 13.7 million children and adolescents in the US are obese...ummm...maybe a redistribution of resources would solve both problems?
We joke about worthless "imaginary internet points". They are a direct expression of human approval though. We have to be taught that money is valuable, but human approval is something we value instinctively. In a way, worthless internet votes are more intrinsicly valuable than cash.
Why is a boxing ring a square and not a circle
We joke that upvotes are just worthless "imaginary internet points". They are a direct expression of human approval though. We have to be taught that money is valuable, but human approval is something we value instinctively. Reddit karma has more intrinsic worth than cash does.
I've never seen an add promoting Google.com
Where do Danny Phantom's clothes go when he changes forms?
What if Jesus wasn‘t a person but the cure for cancer and the world lost the knowledge about it and thinks it was a man?
As much as i use my smartphone, I don't think I've ever seen it in any of my dreams.
I wonder how many birds have died on the 4th of July
If lentils are made of iron, then why don't they shortcircuit in the microwave?
Anyone else take their phone out of their running car so it's not stolen when you go in a shop?
I'd totally go back to church if the communion wafers were Sour Cream and Onion Pringles
If lentils are made of iron, then they should shortcircuit in the microwave
If precedent really matters, Congress should not take a vacation day on the 4th of July.
Assuming a gang of wealthy fellows who intend to keep the rest of us under mental and physical control indefinitely, how might they do that?
I sometimes wonder how other people have time for work school and hobbies
The popular Thanos quote, “Perfectly balanced. As all things should be” is becoming this generations “Luke, I am your father”
What if hot dog buns are just really poorly made eclairs?
If you think about it, trailers should really come at the end of a film.
If you think about it, trailers should really come after the end of a film.
I bet those that think being gay is a "learned" behavior, think that because they themselves have been attracted to the same sex at one point and never would choose to act on it or acknowledge it.
What if earth is actually hell and we reincarnate back on earth for eternity.
How do Piranhas know not to eat each other...?
What if time repeats itself infinitely... and every time it repeats, you reincarnate as a different person? It would be the perfect way to reward everyone for their good/bad deeds because you eventually reincatnate as others you affected.
My parents always worried about me hanging out with friends playing video games, so they sent me on church retreats- which were far more like drug addled sex parties than basement DDR ever was.
I just really loved going to gamestop around 2004 era, looking at the covers and being able to choose between a million used ps2 games, some for $2.
Sometimes I just feel like if you're paranoid about something, you end up messing that thing up as opposed to when you're not.
I feel like Batman'scomputer has a lot of spreadsheets with really complicated formulas
We should change the months
I missed out on a lot of possible fun experiences as a kid if I hadn’t been afraid of the dark.
What if LCD screens are extremely addictive?
Instead of fines for inappropriate behavior from fans, organizations should hit teams with a point or goal deduction.
Why do people say "tuna fish" when they don't say "beef mammal" or "chicken bird"?"
Maps of countries should have lots of little holes in them because of foreign embassies.
Today, for the first time, I had the sensation that the internet is super small. Almost like a claustrophobic experience.
When making a wish from a genie, why doesn’t anyone ask the genie exactly what the wish will do to avoid confusion?
No matter how old you are, there will always be one word that has the power to bring you to the ground in laughter
The three US branches of government mirror the three main gods of Hinduism: The creator (Brahma)- legislative, the preserver (Vishnu) - executive, and the destroyer (Shiva) - judicial.
The expression “words cannot describe...” is ironic because we are using words to describe some thought or feeling.
Douche bags don't know that they are douche bags
Maybe Pharmaceutical companies are tricking people into not buying their vaccinations to then sell cures for more serious diseases later
Trump wasn’t celebrating the win of the presidential election because he was shocked the plan to cheat the system actually worked!
MAGA now also stands for 'My Attorney Got Arrested'
Someone turned his Showerthought into profit and is now a millionaire.
I'd like to see Reddit modify its code where everyone can see who upvoted & downvoted who, even just for a day. It must be fun watching the chaos ensue.
Regardless of how this all ends, the eventual movie about Donald Trump’s presidency is gunna be fucking insane.
What if giving birth is so difficult because the child realizes how dark the world is and wishes to stay in the innocence of the mother's womb?
Someone sold his Showerthought and got rich overnight. He just added some fluff and called it the Law Of attraction
A news shows where anchors just read reddit headlines and top comments.
You're the cream in my coffee, you're the jizz in my sock. You're the salt in my sweat and tears, you're the veins of my cock.
Free fallin’ is probably the most well known song with the word vampire in it.
ATM fees should be deducted from the amount being withdrawn so people can better appreciate how excessive some of them are
No matter how old you are, there will always be that one word that can bring you to the floor in laughter.
right now we're the youngest we'll ever be again and the oldest we've ever been
It's quite amazing how Reddit comes together for the passing of Stefan Karl.
In hebrew the game "chess" is called "checkmate" which are also instructions how to win
Celebrities are just normal people who have gone viral 🤔
After a celebrity dies, somebody has to edit their Wikipedia page and change all the "is" words to "was".
If you say you hate essays in public people will think you’re either racist or bad at writing
If two Toyota Highlanders crash, does one of them become stronger?
If page speed is google's ranking factor, then Gmail should be completely delisted from search.
What do dogs think of refrigerators?
You literally see everything upside down
I wonder if the guy who coined the phrase “One hit wonder” came up with any other popular catchphrases
It would be cool to win a lifetime supply of English muffins, and a pretty big bummer if they delivered the whole thing in one truckload
Words are vehicles of ideas and conversation is the highway upon which these vehicles drive.
A shower is just indoor rain.
You can just sell your Showerthought and get rich overnight. Law Of attraction.
Earn a million dollars by selling a Showerthought. Impossible? Here’s how: Law Of Attraction.
Taking the high road just means you are going to have a steeper fall.
Wowee, people these days sure do different things. Alrighty, now hand over the karma.
It took me 22 years to realize "be there or be square" is because you're not a-round.
US presidents have little less than 3,000 days maximum term limit
There should be a special term for when the book you’re reading, about the trauma of being an adult child of alcoholics, is soaked in the pink wine you just spilled.
If I go to the Caribbean islands and illegally download a movie, does that make me a pirate of the Caribbean?
I want a 24 hour news network that gives me the news for my time zone at 6pm everyday. They get an entire hour to focus on my time zone. Then at 7, they move to the next time zone, where it’s 6, and they get their proper news. This would be a useful 24 hour news format.
Law of attraction! you can just sell your Showerthought and earn a million dollars
"Checkmate" is both the name of the game and instructions how to win
Drinking is basically like borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
Animal Snapchat filters were created by the bestiality lobby to gradually alter the male attraction from female humans to an attractive female human/beast hybrid. The next phase will be to complete the transition and release a filter that transforms women into realistic beasts.
What if crack cocaine was actually 100% pure sugar and it's the reason why people get addicted/high and what we think is sugar is an impure lab created less dangerous version and salt is the lowest impurity level of sugar?
Millionaire by selling your Showerthought. Impossible? Here’s how: Law Of Attraction.
Someone got rich by selling a Showerthought
Bows are such an under appreciated knot.
The phrases "As far as you can tell" and "as near as you can tell" have the same meaning.
A mirror with a reflection that wasn’t flipped would be the worst thing.
Someone became a millionaire by selling his Showerthought after adding some fluff and calling it a law
What if...
How far does an any fly when you flick it?
The person who invented wheelbarrows should’ve invested in another wheel.
Imagine going up to your old as heck grandparents and asking them “How was World War II?” How would they react?
If i had a Chelonoidis nigra my great-granddaughter will see it dying ;(
Instead of constantly bugging users to rate their app, apps should unlock a nice feature upon rating.
I hope that the woman who recorded "Hi, this is Rachel from cardholder services..." gets that message 10 times a day.
Does the Guinness book of world records hold the world record for the largest compilation of world records?
If you were between the sun and the moon, would one side of the sky be day and the other night?
Why do planets scare me so much?
What if the rapture really happened and were the bad people who get left behind and that’s why the world sucks.
My texts font colour is white and the other person's is black.
men, if a woman approaches you and goes, honey, let me take you home and drop some stank on you, you should walk away.
Of all the "Man, I'm getting old" moments I've had over the last few years, realizing that I may never masturbate while standing up again was the hardest to take.
You don’t believe in a god. You don’t believe in ghosts. But I bet you don’t let your leg dangle down the side of the bed at night.
How did people first know that a penis had to go into a vagina?
If grade school never ended, I would be in 23rd grade
Is time different in the hummingbird realm and do they see us as moving snails?
Why aren’t drive thru dollar stores/small grocery stores a thing?
Screws? They hold everything together. Ever thank them?
Funny how I hate overhead lighting but love being outside
When I wake up I wash the eye bogeys out with my hands. When my dog wakes up she kicks herself in the face with her nails.
Hypothetical: How damaged would our kids be if they always knew we could divorce them the way we divorce our spouses? Would you?
If you and your younger brother are dating a girl and her younger sister and you get married and hey keep dating isn’t that technically incest?
Drive thru dollar stores/small grocery stores should be a thing
What if you're just watching copies of yourself in different universes when you dream
Everyone blames autocorrect... but doesn't anyone proofread anymore???
What if humans are simply the mechanism that leads to robots inheriting the earth?
Streaming buttons on porn sites should be required to ask if you really want to stream at least three times
Downloaded game. Big game. Started installing. Huge install. Two hours passed. 96% complete. The cuts off. God, I know you're a massive dick to most of the people most of the time, but, really?
Would'nt it be nice to remove memory of one specific thing?
Now that I’m older and know how to have adult conversations, I can genuinely be friends with my parents. They’re pretty cool people.
Having to listen to someone else's favourite song puts way more pressure on you than it should
Restoration shops should take before restoration photos with a bad camera just like fitness “before” photos. I bet it would increase sales.
We should start looking in the last place because that's apparently that's where we will find it
How much alcohol do you need to add before you stop considering water as wet?
If you gave a talking bird alcohol, would it’s speech slur?
If you’re waiting for the waiter, aren’t you the waiter?
If you have a clone, and you eat it, it is considered autofagia or cannibalism?
Filling a emty shampoo with water is something I always do but dont remember ever learning.
We should all be thankful for the fact that squirrels don't attack us when they feel threatened.
If an afterlife isn't real, why do dying people almost never hallucinate people who are still alive?
Mileage should be measured in times a car has driven around the world (equator)
I wear (computer) glasses all day at work, so that I don't have to wear (vision) glasses while I'm not at work.
Do cannibals avoid bruises on humans like we avoid bruises on a banana?
We should all be thankful other people can’t see what we dreamt about
As kids we all wanted to have a Pokedex to catalog the world around us. Our phones are now more sophisticated and can help me get a pizza delivered to my door at 2AM.
I’ve been watching TV my entire life and I have never seen a chick fil A commercial!
We can send signals to mars yet my WiFi doesn’t reach my bedroom.
Pause and play icons confuse me because I don't know if they are what is happening or what I want to happen.
I'm an overthinker if you don't give me an answer I'll come up with one.
I really wish Michael Jackson had covered Holy Diver on Thriller.
When two people begin speaking at the same time, one person will say "go ahead" to which the response seems to always be the same exact words... "I was just going to say" before they continue.