When i was 14/15, seeing 18 year old girls in porn was awesome, now that I'm 19 it feels like they're way too young to be doing shit like that on camera.
Probably very few of the "showerthoughts" of people here actually occur in the shower
With all of the in-fighting and cross-universe references, gangster rap must have been the Marvel Comic Universe of the 1990’s.
They always say "Life is what you make it.". It seems to me that "Life is what mskes you.". "
The opposite of 'Save-A-Lot' is 'Spend-A-Little' yet it means the same thing.
If speed and deaths in car accidents are correlated, instead of a speedometer, cars should display a percentage risk of death. As you drive faster, the percent goes up.
Whoever came up with the word lisp didn't really think it through. Ask a person with an actual lisp to pronounce the word lisp.
35 years ago I had a conversation with someone that believed compact discs were only a passing fad and that records will be around forever. My last trip to the mall proved that person right.
I feel like if Google named the Google Glass "Google-E-Eyes" It would have been more successful
If F means to pay respects, then getting an F means the teacher really respects you
"I wipe my own ass." Works literally and figuratively.
Somewhere in space Earth is known by another name.
Mimosas and a bloody mary have loads of potassium, which ultimately helps hangovers more than anything, perhaps making it a popular Sunday morning drink
If you watch too much of the youtube channel Daily Dose Of Internet, you're probably overdosing.
Movies and TV shows really lead me to expect a lot more school cafeteria food fights growing up.
Based on the size of some of my poops, I can fit some very large objects in my ass.
Anyone for tennis?
Keep Moving signs should get upgraded to a person with a megaphone screaming obscenities at the person who stops.
What if I am the one holding myself back in many aspects of my life because I don't think I am worthy of happiness?
How much do you value life (€) ?
Humans use exercise and art to channel their negative energy in a safe way, what if we programmed AI to appreciate music and play video games so that it won't turn evil?
I've always assumed that based on the way they are perceived dolphins would be vegetarians.
When Terry Crews or Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson say 'I trust them as far as I can throw them.' They can use it in a positive way.
Do farts annoy dogs more than people because they smell worse for a dog?
There should be a dating site strictly for introverts/people that don’t like leaving their house.
I wonder how many football fans are on fifa with England CPU v Croatia CPU just to see how it would work out in virtual reality, just because they’re that in denial 🤣🤣 it’s coming home, on my PS4!!!
Why can you plant a plant, but can't build a build?
i DO like the smell of my own fart.
Vampires should be associated with mosquitoes rather than with bats
I wonder why Forrest Gump never got drafted to the NFL
I wonder how people thought before they had language, I speak English and I think in English
Why can’t the shampoo and conditioner bottles be different shapes so you can tell them apart without reading the labels?
?
What if earth doesn't know we're alive, and decided we live and die to get new versions all the time, like we do to our fingernails.
What if life is just a shitty rogue-like?
I’ve never been to Red Lobster before
The more I light my ljghter
The guys who sang "I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you did" would probably change their tune if they found out she was the world gangbang record holder.
I've realized all of the most self-proclaimed worldly, wise, and woke friends I know are the ones that haven't had a job or a relationship in years.
Will the UK have to change it's national anthem when the Queen dies?
Bugs are really trippy. They can walk on virtually any surface and defy gravity. "Look at me I'm just walking up the side of this skyscraper. No biggie."
My middle school crush probably didn’t even have a girlfriend in another school
What if there are foods that are safe to eat for most people only we think they are dangerous because the testers were allergic.
If a tomato is a fruit is ketchup a smoothie?
I will eat a strange person's food but I won't let them lick the inside of my mouth and for some fucked up reason I'm OK with the exact opposite from a dog.
Antibiotics and antivirus are two completely different things in different fields of science.
I could be someone's character collection of attributes, abilities, and quirks
You know that a meme is truly popular when it becomes difficult to find the original.
Bars should provide different color coasters for people looking to hookup/meet, and one for people who prefer to be left alone.
If "The enemy of my enemy is my friend", and both of them are my enemies, we're all friends!
Do cows get milked one last time before they're sent off to the slaughter house?
How would a family tree including an "uncle granddad" look like?
Weird doesn't follow the "i before e" rule because it's weird
Drawn penises are always circumcised and drawn houses are always colonial
I need a job where I don't sit on my ass all day
Failure is most of of the time viewed as a huge thing, but sucess is viewed as quite normal and something that is expected of you
Maybe dogs take our items to get our attention?
Mini corn dogs are really just corn puppies
If we were unable to instantly see the other side of the world, would tourism go up?
Wouldn’t it be weird if pee was like blue or yellow or something instead of red?
I wonder who the most famous person I’ve never heard of is?
What did people who fought for the world and died for it think the future would be? I’m sure it’s not what it is now.
If "The enemy of my enemy is my friend", but both of them are my enemies, are we all friends?
No matter your shower thought, someone will try to argue it.
Duck duck goose is not a good game for kids to play, considering the fact that it’s a great way to spread lice.
If your shirt isn’t tucked in, are your pants tucked in?
Browsing the web in 2018 is just clicking "I Agree" in a bunch of different ways.
Dog owners should be allowed to stay with their dogs at pet hotels because they are emotional support humans.
Mayhaps?
If there’s anything I learned from my money degree it is that a credit card is the modern day Venezuelan Treasury it is an unlimited amount of money
I find it funny that no matter how dip you get with a meal, you always seem to run out just before you finish those last few appetising bites.
Do deaf people feel a pain in their ears from high pitched sound?
I should be able to stay with my dogs at pet hotels because I am their emotional support human.
Has anyone ever seen, or even know what a number 1 pencil is?
If a man is alone in a forest and a woman is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?
When you look in the mirror and compliment yourself, or think, "You're beautiful," is the voice in your head your own, or someone else's?
Having worn glasses all my life, it's impossible for me to imagine that people who don't wear glasses, eyes dont fog up when they open a freezer or a walk into a steamy bathtoom
Why are tons of dudes jacking off to porn of girls with dicks but now gals are flicking the bean to porn of dudes with vaginas?
Is chilli mac short for chilli macaroni, or chilli mac and cheese?
What if dogs lick us because we have bones inside us?
If steroids are performance enhancing drugs for athletes, wouldn't that make viagra a performance enhancing drug for male pornstars?
My dick'n'balls look like something retrofitted on an otherwise rationally constructed body.
Whenever I see “Narrater:”, I will always read what follows in Ron Howard’s voice. And I probably will for the rest of my life.
Not all thoughts should be spoken, and not all spoken is worth thought.
If an octopus has a leg chopped off does it become a septopus?
What exactly is a skittle?
Movie makers should use the Laurel/Yanny thing to create two separate sound tracks to their movies.
What if gravity was an illusion
What if when someone says “tip the feds” they actually want to be a neckbeard and not a snitch
Why do people say "get good scrub" when they themselves should get good
What if mental illnesses/disorders are the human brain's way of trying to evolve into a more advanced human but failed?
Life Insurance Companies should invest funds into Medical Bio Tech companies hoping they can prolong life thus having to pay out less and less term life insurance polices before they expire.
Life would be nearly perfect if my anxiety had an “off switch”. My mind is my own worst enemy.
Kingsman is spy kids for adults, everyone I know that likes kingsman was a kid when spy kids out.
If I was a frog, I think I’d want to die a virgin. Even as a frog, I don’t think I’d find any other frog attractive enough to lose mine.
How can "Nobody ever changes" and "You've changed, man" both be cliches at the same time?
How did they count years before Jesus Christ existed and why switch?
Is it not weird we support teams of people or individuals on to win tournaments even though we don't benefit directly from victories?
Any movie title is so much funnier if you add "in my pants" to the end! Total Recall in my pants.
Y’all think they call it sand because it’s in between the sea and the land?
I will never be younger than I am right now
It seems like most of America's social issues are rooted in a power struggle.
Cell phone carrier’s commercials are always trying to get people to switch to their plan with some deal; when they should be offering deals to the people who have been customers for years
If the filling in Kit Kats is made from rejected Kit Kats, how did they make the first batch of Kit Kats?
Is water concentrated or diluted?
Do you think the washer and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?
All the judges on "America's Got Talent" are from other countries
The fact that you are Reading this means that you are better off than 98% of people that has ever lived
It's a sign that you're no longer taken seriously as a god when people name their dogs after you, i.e. Thor, Odin, Loki, Zeus, etc.
If you say "Hear me out" and have nothing else to say, they already have.
Wouldn't be ironic to die in the living room?
Congress should officially declare health care and education as military ventures. Then they’d never run out of money.
The sentence “Sharing is caring” has the same meaning backwards
Imagine a world where the world's biggest religions worshiped nature rather than God
If you were offered to act Hitler in a movie, would it be an insult or an compliment?
The number 8 and the letter H sound almost exactly the same. This is not interesting until you realize H is the 8th letter of the alphabet.
"Staff was rude" often means "I was being a dick and they weren't having it."
If the Pentagon had one less line it would be called the Square, or the Quadrilateral
Trump is like the Final Boss in the game of progressing our society out of a 1950's mindset.
If Never Neverland is “second star to the right and straight on ‘till morning,” does that mean it’s in outer space and Captain Hook and Peter Pan are actually aliens of the cosmos?
There should be a game where aliens invade Earth and then Trump, Putin, Xi Jinping and other world leaders join together and stop them.
Talking about the government is going to be really boring in ten years compared to the last couple.
It's possible Reddit was down yesterday so the sites developers could prepare for Stefan Karl's death which they knew would be an explosive topic on all of the major meme subreddits.
Shoes are also called kicks but gloves arent called punches
The National Anthem is basically an ad for America we have to watch before being able to see the game
Imagine what our planet would look like if the world's biggest religions worshiped nature rather than God
Big words in an argument are basically intellectual high heels
Language is weird. Saying “I swaddled and gave the baby a pacifier” is acceptable, but “I bound and gagged the baby” is not.
R/showerthoughts was probably a shower thought
You park in a driveway and drive on a parkway.
How do deaf people laugh?
If I had to make a list of things that could “take your breath away”, asthma would probably be the first thing.
There should be a car that transitions to self-driving mode when you scream “Jesus take the wheel”.
Even though Lebron and Serena Williams are both married, they should still have a baby together for the sake of Science
Just like parking lots, hotels should have handicapped rooms closest to the elevators
If I die in a car with lane assist and laser curise control will it drive my body into another state?
Eating corn isn't a "goodbye", it's a "I'll see you later"
It takes 3 days for the bank to verify that I've actually been given $1000 but if I spend $1000 it goes through Immediately
Is it gay if you sleep with your own clone?
I always analyse photos on the internet firstly by looking for plug sockets to try and determine country of origin. For no reason other than my own satisfaction.
Are viruses alive?
What if I’m not even the controlled player in some sims game being played by higher beings, like I’m just the background sim AI character
How is it that I've been chewing food for at least 20 years and still consistently screw up and bite my tongue or cheek?
Remember that one time you had a near death experience? What if you actually died and all of the life you have experienced since is just a stream of ideas made up by your consciousness.
Low battery mode should be the normal operating mode.
I wonder how many of the women featured on NSFW subs are aware their pictures are widely available online.
I have to refresh the CAPTCHA 2-3 times and play it safe because I’m not willing to fail and be a robot.
When a stranger invades your personal space, it should be acceptable to release a fart.
Has anyone every met a bad Dave?
Are left handed people also left footed?
Do people who are born blind understand sight?
Did the man who came up with the term "One hit wonder" come up with any other phrases?
As a kid I thought that death threats are a really serious matter. Now I get about a hundred death threats per day just through playing online videogames.
What if we live in a simulation and mountains and hills are a brail code to get out?
To this day I still wonder if that Bitch moved out of Ludacris’ way....
there should be more appeciation about the fact that our stomach doesn't dissolve itself with the stomach acid
The amount of times something claims to be stronger than steel makes me question how strong steel really is.
Aren’t crabs just spiders with armor ?
"You can't have the cake and eat it" is the stupidest saying ever. What's the point of having the cake if you can't eat it?
If you win an award for being the most medicore... are you still medicore?
It’s always made me wonder why we say we are in bed, when really we are on bed.
What if the hokey pokey really is what it’s all about
If pedants are no fun at parties, who ruins pedant parties?
What if when we die, "the light at the end of the tunnel" is just you being pushed out of another vagina?
What if EU banned memes because they knew Germany would lose?
Have you ever made a small gesture in a public place and wondered if you were accidently giving some sort of covert signal?
Dogs liking me is more important than other humans liking me.
My kids are going to think about terabytes the way I think about gigabytes
If a hard shell taco breaks and falls on your plate, does it become nachos?
Do babies think "New diaper, new me" when the have their diaper changed?
As much as I use my smartphone, I don't think I've ever seen it in any of my dreams.
“Dude, Where’s my car?” Was the original “Hangover”
The marketing slogan for Nintendo's new super smash bros should simply be "lemme smash."
If someone says you're insecure, they're telling you feel less secure than you actually should feel.
Have you ever thought the reason you're not getting good customer service is because you're a bad customer?
Hopefully it has been long enough, but in Infinity War when Mantis has Thanos in the sleep hold, why didn't they just cut Thanos's head off instead of trying to get the gauntlet off?
I’m pretty sure the G7 summit will resolve to C Major.
Turning 20 should be celebrated the way turning 21 is.
I just remembered handheld TVs were a thing
As a kid you love it when your parents say, “Sure, I don’t care,” but as an adult it’s not as great.
Most if not all elderly people would steal my youth if they had an easy way to achieve it.
I was taught the different types of clouds as kid like that was shit I'd be using daily as an adult
I’m 19. Not many dogs are left that were born before me.
People always talk about how The Simpsons has predicted real life events, I think it’ll be more interesting when Futurama does.
How would you describe springtime to somebody who had only ever experienced winter? Or summer? Autumn?
If you pay extra for curbside at the grocery store, I should get a discount when I shop for myself and then have to fucking ring myself out n bag my own damn groceries.
Depressive thought - What if all humanity dies off in the next 200 years, we never venture into the cosmos and our presence is never discovered by any other species, our lives truly amount to nothing in the grand scheme.
People rag on others about picking their nose but why would we evolve with tiny shovels at the tips of our fingers that just so happen to fit perfectly in our noses?
If fish reproduce by spraying sperm into the water I assume mermaids do so too
How many locks on the Paris Lock Bridge do you think are from relationships that have ended?
Every toilet bowl should be big enough to hold the contents of the reservoir or cistern, just in case.
They should do a starwars but the Jedi fight for LGBT rights across the galaxy and the sith are anti LGBT
Considering the saying that celebrity deaths typically come in threes, I wonder if celebrities ever get nervous ehen you hear of a famous deatblh.
Ma Anand Sheela should be an unlockable character in the next fighting game.
Are speeding tickets doubled in construction zones, or 50% off in non-construction zones?
Single serving beef jerky packages should come with a toothpick at the bottom.
If I treated my entire toilet paper roll with the same determination I have to make the last 20 squares count, it would last at least 3 times longer.
When I was in high school, if I invited 3 people to my house, 15 would show up. Now I’m almost 30. If I invite 15 people to my house, I’m lucky if 3 show up.
If you sweat in a sweater, are you the sweater?
I wonder how much water I've drank that's already been through me...
We're always on the lookout for aliens in this world. What if animals are aliens?
Imagine if instead of calling it the Death Penalty, we said, “You are to be removed from existence.”
AskReddit submissions are like modern pop songs; everything is a remake, a surprising amount are sexual, and you can't ever figure out why they're so popular
Hugh Hefner first daughter Christie was 34 when his would be wife Kristal Harris was born.
Knowledge
The most underrated part of being a superhero with unbreakable skin must be their immunity mosquitoes.
If you’re waiting on the waiter, aren’t you actually the waiter?
Now would be a good time to invent a reusable straw that folds up into a compact carrying case.
If you microwave water with ice, would the temperature of water get colder?
Thirty years from now, business majors in college will listen to a boring lecture about the "Great Facebook Meltdown", and ask themselves " face-WHAT?".
What if the LGBT community is just God's way of preventing over-population?
As I get older I find myself giving out the same advice I ignored when I was younger.
r/Showerthoughts is just a cheaper, more sober r/Stonerthoughts
Maybe the LGBT community is God's way of preventing over-population
The best part of a cucumber tastes like the worst part of a watermelon
If Thanos wanted to create balance with a snap. 3 of the original 6 avengers should've died.
The name Tic-Tac-Toe is just an onamonapia of the game being played on a chalk board/slate tablet
If you have two pieces of bread with ham in the middle and cut it in half, is it two sandwiches or two halves of a sandwich?
There are only a couple of thoughts on this sub where people were actually in the shower when they typed it.
spray simple sugar on a broken laptop and let ants crawl around inside to experience Tron-for-Ants
The Average American is so poor they can't even afford to care.
Can Vegetarians eat Animal Crackers?
We sunbathe in starlight
Can you hear silence?
If an exercise bike would generate electricity for my TV, I'd probably be in much better shape
I find that the 80/20 rule works about 80% of the time.
I just realized Thanos is left handed.
The best LPT to know is the existence of the subreddit r/LifeProTips
I wonder how many cheetos "prize" shapes I have eaten and not realized.
Dogs have got to be so confused when they see us change clothes. “Oh my god, HE’S SKINNING HIMSELF ALI...wait, wait no nevermind. He seems ok now.”
If they somehow made a great tasting fat-free chocolate, obesity rates would likely increase.
If u were 2 inches deep in ur mom, and ur dad was 2 inches deep in u, would u back up too get out ur mom, or would u go forward inside ur mom too get dad out of u?
Maybe global warming is just an elaborate scheme by Lex Luthor to turn Antarctica into the new Hawaii.
Winnie the Pooh sounds like We Need to Poo
I have size 13 shoes, my brothers are shorter than me and have 15, and 16s...They both have bigger dongs than me.
If she gets you off with your hand it’s called a handjob, so if she slaps your dick with an iPhone it’s called a stevejob
Weed would be legal if people talked about it as often as they talk about drinking
You have to be 18 to play Call of Duty, but you can enroll in the army at 17.
Your significant other throwing you a surprise party where you were successfully deceived can lead to intense trust issues.
Right now someone is hearing a guitar solo for the first time and wondering what makes that soun
Why are waiters called waiter when in fact we are the ones waiting for our food.
Figrin D'an and the model nodes from the Mos Eisley cantina were pioneers of the electro swing genre
Anti vaxxers should live together in their own communities.
When they send immigrants, they are not sending their best. They are sending their worst. Those immigrants are beating us at a game rigged in our favor. How are we the master race?
If dentists make money off bad teeth...why should i use toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend??
A dress is just a 360° cape.
What if a Prius only gets good mileage because everybody who buys one drives like a lil bitch?
Can you Solve the Lawnmower Paradox?
Aren’t tattoos just really colorful scars?
When taking a behind-the-scenes tour of a funeral home, you should probably avoid using the phrase "how the sausage is made."