I have been advertised Goliath a bunch and, based on the movie Colossal, I assume it's a Kaiju movie
The phrase "I could get used to this" is used to show that someone is pleased with a situation, but actually getting used to it would diminish the value of the experience.
Knowing I'd prefer the homemade version vs the fast food kind makes me feel old
What if the reason we never appreciated our parent’s music was because we were stone sober when we heard it? Conversely, maybe the reason why we appreciate their music is that we’re finally high enough to appreciate it.
What if all the trees are pubic hairs and earth is just a Ball ?
I'm glad our eyes are waterproof when closed.
Why are water bottles 16.9 FL OZ and not 17?
I dont know how to act next
I preferred it when jeans weren't your favorite because they were faded, but were faded because they were your favorite.
Why the hell does Ariana grande wear cat ears. HELLO, you’re not a cat! was cute the first few times but now it’s fucking annoying
The average couple spends around $6000 on engagement rings. That's as much as a Rolex… … … Why not get the Rolex?
Why do toddler clothes have pockets? They literally never carry anything
Who is to say I am not you and you are not me?
Kids shouldn't talk to random adults, adults shouldn't talk to random kids, and I shouldn't talk to my ex wife
We should be grateful that we don’t yawn while being underwater
The Phrase "I died" can only be said truthfully while playing a video game
Do omegle jerkers use private browsing ?
If I named a yt vid clickbait and it’s not clickbait then what is it?
If you were to go back in time, before a tragic event and make a joke about it, would it still be offensive?
Practice makes perfect is a lie because nothing is perfect, there are always ways to improve on everything. Or is perfection really just an opinion of what a specific person would view as perfect but others wouldn't therefore making perfection unobtainable....?
Used to hate when uncles/aunties would fuss over how much I'd grown. Now, at 32, I can't help fussing over how much my nieces/nephews have grown.
If dentists make money out of our dental problems, should we still be using toothpaste and toothbrushes that are "recommended by dentists"?
30 years ago every house in my neighborhood had an aerial antenna on the roof. Thinking now about boosting my digital antenna, I realize I haven’t seen an aerial in over a decade.
We should invent something we can type on but not on the computer
People who say "I believe in hell but not heaven" are essentially saying if you want to live forever be evil.
Happily enough, i just realised humour will always be smarter than AI :)
I use to think that the term "kissing someone's ass" was a weird way to describe someone trying to please someone else but now that I'm older I understand.
What if food manufacturers that specialize in major food items such as corn wheat or dairy are purposely putting ingredients in their foods that will make people allergic to other types of foods?
Humanity is Nature's A.I. software gone wrong
If we made staircases with the distance between each step the length of 2 current steps, would people still try to take them 2 at a time?
when trips to mars become possible, we should put golden tickets in mars bars
As a German, I constantly read "bae" as "bäh" which is the sound we make when we find something disgusting or being unpolite.
Imagine you could interrupt people’s tweet mid way through so like i say something then some says “well actually” i could say “stfu no one asked you” before they finish
Animals always look into the/(our) eyes, while alot of people struggle with it or find it embarrassing
All skeletons are men, cats are girls and dogs are boys.
If something falls down - but nobody is there , was there noise?
There should be an ad blocker for US mail, pre-approved credit cards are getting creative.
Cancer survivors can seem to be pious in their illness. Like other sicknesses don't matter. It's a badge of honor.
If oil is made from dinosaur fossils and plastic is made from from oil. Plastic dinosaurs are made from real dinosaurs
You should be able to interrupt people’s teaser mid way through so like someone says “well accutally” i could tell them to stfu before they finish
It isn’t an OUI to drive while on a prescription medication, but is an OUI to drive stoned
Smelling is the trial version of tasting
The phrase "never the less" is the exact opposite of "always the more" but it has the exact same meaning.
There should be a law in place where verbal arguments have a time limit before they must progress to fights. Things would either either blow over quickly or actually get real interesting
Before cell phones you would never call someone and ask, “Where are you?”
If you cut a hole in a net you get less holes.
People arguing for a conspiracy would appear a lot more valid and believable if they wouldn’t support a dozen other conspiracies aswell
If Thor’s hammer can only be moved or picked up by him (and a select few others), does that mean the arm that holds the hammer has infinite strength because nobody else can affect the hammer?
If you could time travel to past it would be easy to prove you come from future, but if you time travel to future it would be impossible to prove you are coming from past.
At the rate the news are going, Mice are probably going to be immortal in 2020
As a teenager, being called 10 years younger than your actual age is an insult, but as an adult it’s a compliment
Considering how many of the damn things I have to pull out of my eyeballs every day, it's really a wonder I have any eyelashes left at all.
It's almost impossible to make a mess spilling soap
If Finding Nemo was made in 2018, "Fish are friends" would be "Fish lives matter."
Don't ask a vorarephile, "are you shitting me?" They might get ideas.
Does Lighting McQueen have car insurance or life insurance.
Saying "I'll love you 'til the day I die" = romantic. Saying "I'll love you 'til the day YOU die" = creepy
If we respond "yes" to "Are you lying to me?" we're actually telling the truth
What would spectacles look like if we didn’t have ears? Did our ears evolve like they have just in case we needed eye wear?
Imagine being the marketing person tasked with coming up with a super catchy catchphrase for a new hit breakfast cereal's character, who happens to be a talking cartoon tiger. You show up to the meeting with "They're great."
Adulthood is when you change your friends nicknames to their real names on Snapchat
If robots ever decide that the best way to help humanity is by killing us, it will probably be because we keep talking about wanting to die on social media
There's a big difference between saying "I'll love you until the day I die" and "I'll love you until the day YOU die"
When you respond "yes" to "Are you lying to me?" you're actually telling the truth.
If a dead-arm comes back to life, is it then a zombie-arm?
Does Lightning McQueen have car insurance or life insurance?
Have you ever considered the possibility of Fortnite taking place after the Rapture? And the storm is an act from the anti-christ?
I am more fearful of my own species than I am of any other, mostly in regards to self-preservation and global destruction.
Why is Applesauce not in the sauce isle at the grocery store?
"My wife thinks I'm strong" is the grown up version of "My mom thinks I'm handsome"
My conditioner always runs out before my shampoo.
While eating lunch today, I realized that Salsa is just spicy Bruschetta
What if every time we go to sleep, we die in our universe, and wake up in another universe
Absolutely nothing is going to make me feel older than the generation of kids who wont know what spongebob is
What if our teeth were normally flaccid, but got hard when you were hungry?
Someone should invent a mattress pad that slowly gets colder and colder at a set time until it's freezing. That way, you can't stay in bed for "five more minutes" because you have no choice.
If Thor is the god of thunder, wouldn't his hammer just make very loud noises?
The song “I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus” is about a kid catching their mom cheating on her husband
Nothing is longer than a minute being counted down.
"Are you shitting me?"
I wonder if they've made the gay porn parody Rectum Ralph yet?
911 should really have a “share your location” feature
If we all did DNA tests, people in the future could see who they get their traits from.
I wonder if a group of thieves ever just sat back and thought "well, there is no honor amongst us"
We have no way of knowing whether Hollandaise sauce served at restaurants is fresh or just melted, recycled table butter
how did i think this?
You can’t swim in foam, but you can drown in it.
Are deserts deserts because it doesn’t rain, or does it not rain because they are deserts?
People are worried that A.I. will surpass human intelligence and take over the world, but world leaders aren’t necessarily the smartest.
Why is it acceptable to brag about owning a lot of land, but not a big house?
Do you ever wonder if the way you complete an every day task is incorrect?
Its games like Cyberpunk 2077 that make me sad I wasn't born 100 years in the future.
Aren’t ALL printers 3D printers?
A bag is essentially a storage mechanism but I have too mich bags and I am running out of space so I need more storage for my storage
Everytime you touch the inside of your mouth with your tounge, you're actually licking raw human mouth meat.
I can't wait for the future where everything is exactly the same but covered in dry ice
If Brexit turns out badly international call centres could move to Britain resulting in worldwide spam calls from posh British people.
Using the kettle in a hotel room presents quite a risk when you think about what awful things people could put in there. I'm not saying that you shouldnt use them, but what if someone has been 'doing things' to it?
People should sleep with each other before dating to see if it is worth the effort.
Why does ninja turtles wears mask if nothing else look like them
I think we should appreciate that we live in a world with plungers
The keys in Switzerland have holes in them and probably inspired the name for Swiss Cheese.
I could save saying an extra syllable if I said "same" instead of "big mood"; therefore saving a breath.
The water you use to flush your poop down the toilet could be the same water your drink from the tap a few days later
Everybody tastes different things based on their perspectives therefore have different likes and dislikes what if in actuality we are all tasting the same thing but just identify it differently ,therefore have different tastes ,otherwise we all are the same?
I , WE or just me?
There are alternate universes where Al Gore and Bernie Sanders won
We should take a moment and thank plungers for all the work they safe us
My poor younger self wanted to play the latest gaming everything 24/7. Now as an adult who can afford the latest and greatest... I just want to lay in bed with a good book to read until I fall asleep.
Who's Left With The Payments?
What if humans were to have a baby on mars and brought it back to earth, would the baby be considered an alien
If Banksy died, how would we know?
Why is it "roof of your mouth" and not "ceiling of your mouth?"
If you send two texts at a time, but correct both of their misspellings with other texts, is that technically four texts or two?
What if humans had a baby on mars and brought it back to earth, would that baby be considered an alien?
Was there a time in your life when most people were as tall as you? If so, could you tell if they were older or younger than you?
If humans were to have a baby on mars, would that baby be considered an alien if brought back to earth?
If you egest everything you consume, shouldn’t you be the same weight as when you were born?
We should probably be more thankful that copy, cut and paste is not a paid features considering how many paid add-ons and microtransactions there are today.
Taxi drivers should brush up on the points of interest in their city because they're going to have to turn into tour guides once automated cars roll out...
Are cupcakes just muffins with frosting?
Unlike War, Famine, and Pestilence, Death isn't inherently evil or avoidable; Fear, however, is. Fear should have been one of the Four Horsemen, not Death.
I miss vine...
I wonder what the value of everything I’ve even vacuumed is
Tomorrow’s Onion headline should read: Russia invades Croatia. Remains in World Cup.
Since high definition video is so common place now, shouldn't it now be considered the new "standard" definition?
I bet ghosts are more scared of us then we are of them.
Is it more sexist to hit a woman or to not hit a woman because she's a woman?
If we live in a simulation and are NPC's, is blinking simply updating our programming?
Scooby doo just teaches kids that ghosts and monsters aren’t real and you should never trust anybody.
Since high definition video is so common place now, high definition should be considered the new "standard" definition.
I live with one other person, and my household generates as much trash as the family of 4 next door. I know this because every Monday we take our trash to the curb to be picked up, and they never have more trash than us.
As a kid i never though belly button lint was an actual thing, now a days im constantly just picking it out like its nothing
The best way of categorizing is at random, because nothing will ever be out of place.
Reddit News won’t let me deselect Politics. 😩
My last name is Jameson. In an alternate reality, it would be Jamedaughter.
I can’t hear the word “furiously” without adding “masturbating” to it mentally
time travel
Dont know if this has been said already.14, 16, 17, 18 and 19 are the only numbers where you say the last number first. (I don't count 13 because is not three, its thir, hopefully that makes sense)
If Ms word and Ms PowerPoint and Ms Excel and all that stuff is free on phones, MsOffice Should be free after I paid for windows.
All of human knowledge should be contained between r/KenM and r/NotKe nM
Google has helped me learn more things than any textbook
Apple doesn’t have a normal pink heart emoji
If nicotine itself isn't harmful, why not add it to healthy foods to solve the obesity crises?
What if the feeling of De Ja Vu is what happens when your consciousness overlaps with that of a parallel dimension and you are experiencing the exact same event twice at the same time?
I wouldn't trust credit karma if it was spelled "Kredit Karma".
The “finite” in the word “infinite” is pronounced differently than the word “finite”
How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on?
Laughing emoji with tears is the new ‘lol’. You’re not actually crying with laughter, just like you’re not actually laughing out loud.
Nerds post on Reddit so Wannabes can post on Instagram so grandparents can share on Facebook
Probably saved a lot of time in my life by never playing Fortnite
Before the invention of the car, I bet buzzards had an extremely strict diet.
How many ants do you need to eat before you feel them move inside you?
Pokemon Go is a game where you search for monsters near to you, just like Tinder
Providing a group of job applicants with a new Reddit account and instructions to gain the highest number of karma points would be a great way to identify skilled customer service applicants with strong people skills.
Hip Hop artist names have evolved from variations of their given names, to gamer tags.
The best way to get a friend to watch a show you like is to say “there’s a character on it that reminds me exactly of you”
Volcanoes are Earths pimples.
The battle against global warming is similar to fantasy novels. The elves protecting nature from humans. But in reality it is just humans protecting it from other humans.
A lot of bathrooms don’t even have showers in them
People should call the thing that some actors do where they take immersing themselves in their character’s mind to extremes as “madness acting”. Because there is a method in’t.
The spam emails I get saying my account has been hacked or compromised would be more believeable if I actually used those websites.
Most people think soap is just "clean stuff that makes you clean" instead of understanding how it works.
Accepting myself, accepting others
What would a chair look like if our legs bent the other way?
The worst part about having a beard is you get little dark curvy hairs everywhere and nobody is going to assume it's from a beard
Thoughts On Reots
Many times the word "obfuscate" itself complicates whatever sentence it is used in.
People are feeble and incompetent beings who want to believe they are gods.
Hitler’s dog thought he was the best human in the world
If someone says:"I am gonna screw you over" and then doesn't screw you over, he still screwed you over.
Are crackers just toast that’s already been toasted for you??
What kind of satanist do you have to be to put on dry, without fully drying yourself off after getting out of the shower.
Most people are used to experiencing that weird sensation of analyzing a word so much that it makes no sense anymore, but very few people (if any) know how to explain it
I like wearing a backpack, it makes me feel like a Ninja Turtle.
I Wonder How Cartoon Network Feels About Their Critically Acclaimed Cartoons
Where’d I leave the extra shampoo?
I wonder how many colds will result from Coca-Cola's "Share a Coke" ad campaign.
Do people that work at barbell factories ever go to the gym on their days off?
I bet the CDC are not big fans of the "Share a Coke" ad campaign.
If a blind person is watching something, are they still considered a viewer?
If life is unfair to all, doesn’t that make life fair?
I bet getting all 50 states in the license plate game really sucks for people living in Hawaii.
If the B in LGBT stands for Bi, doesn't that imply that there's only two genders?
If they made cherry flavored cocaine would it be as popular as the drink Cherry Coke?
As a longtime comic book fan, I see comic book characters everywhere, yet rarely see an actual comic book.
What’s the point in living if you don’t have a big impact on society?
Everytime I eat chicken I'm potentially eating dinosaur meat.
I’ve never encountered a decent person online who’s social media profile avi was a pic of them smoking a cigar...
They say human is a rational animal but i think its a rationalising one.
If [thing that isn't true] is true, then why isn't [ridiculous conclusion]?
What if dogs only brought the object back because they thought you like throwing it?
I'll never remember to use effect or affect in the proper context.
People who went through tough weight loss regimes should not be lauded and praised, they are the same few who did not take care of their bodies in the first place
Who the fuck came up with the Tooth Fairy?
The most terrifying moment will be when your creator appears in front of you and when you try to have your mom see it, she says "It doesn't look like anything to me".
All the things that happened to us happened to us so the next things that are gonna happen to us can happen to us?
I doubt humans are an intelligent lot when I see that Mariana Trench has over 700 reviews on Google Maps
Beer fridges should have an alarm that alerts the owner when it is empty.
Do same sex twins have same dick size?
Uncircumcised penises always have a turtle neck to keep them warm, How do circumcised penises keep themselves warm?
When I was in middle school an older girl taught us an important
The idea of a Space Force really appeals to my inner 8-year-old. So awesome!
If you fart while wearing really tight pants, will your fart sound louder?
Bathrooms should have a 4am option that only uses half the lightbulbs so you aren’t blinded in the middle of the night
Why do we point upwards when we want someone to notice a song that is playing?
Someone that makes cosplay outfits should really make the Swat Kats outfit for cats.
what if a man said a palindrome in his single life but no one noticed it
There should be a market for silence inducing headphones.
Imagine how terrifying it would be if your creator appeared and when you try to show it to your mom, she says "It doesn't look like anything to me
I imagine all the moths and other insects getting really upset that the party is suddenly over when I turn off my porch light.
I feel more like an adult at age 18 then I do at age 23
A lot of kids don't like to read books because parents and teachers tend to try to force them to read books to the exclusion of other activities the kids might want to do. What if parents/teachers try to punish children by explicitly denying them to read books?
Almost all shower thoughts on reddit aren't even made up in the shower.
"Keep your nose clean" sounds like a subtle way of saying "don't do drugs".
Political Party membership in the US should be based on how you vote, not who you declare for.
The geniuses on /r/Iamverysmart are probably talking about the badasses from /r/Iamverybadass and vice versa.
Did the mandela effect just happened with Stefan Karl's death, I mean everybody though he died already but he actually passed away yesterday.
I guess we can be sure that the USA doesn't have proof of Aliens now. I've gotta think the President would have used any information about Aliens to deflect from what's going on right now. ....Unless he's saving it for a Hail Mary.
The more you know, the more you appear to be a conspiracy theorist to people that don’t know
Between Post Malone and Vanilla Ice, I'm surprised how infatuated the world is with white rappers who went to upscale Dallas suburb schools.
People with a lisp can't properly pronounce the word "lisp".
You could stack multiple lasagnas on top of each other and it would still be one lasagna
Instead of asking what zodiac sign people are, we should ask them who they played in Mario Kart.
People say that you should pick four-leaf clovers for good luck, but by doing so you are removing the four-leaf allele from the gene pool, thereby making them even rarer. You’re literally stealing luck from future generations.
To make more money, companies should write “of” instead of “off” on their sales posters. Ex: 20% OFF of $100 is $80, but so is 80% OF $100. From afar, customers wouldn’t see the missing letter and be enticed to look around. Plus, it’s technically the truth.
Board games might be called board games because you play them when you are bored
Fried chicken and watermelon has to be the worst stereotype on the planet
The same way radio plays old songs now, XXII centuries' internet will be full of 2010' memes while our grandchildren play 5D FTL VR
Maybe climate change isn't made by humans, but is actually an attempt by the reptilian aliens that live under Antarctica to terraform Earth in order to prepare the planet for their eventual takeover. Or maybe greenhouse gases.
Do black male pornstars get their news from the BBC website.
Google Home should have a feature where kids have to add "please" and/or "thank you".
If you treat your child's partner like your own child, that means you see their relationship as incestual
I don't know or care who Stefan Karl is or was.
Showers are just domesticated waterfalls
Firefighters are called firefighters because they fight fires
Since a “hamburger” was named after Hamburg, Germany, then the name of the filling should not substitute for the word “ham”. So a chicken burger should technically be a “chicken hamburger”.
I wonder what happens when a hurricane hits an erupting volcano.
$.02 is worth a lot more in words.
When I see a post or comment with Gold I immediately like it thinking it has to be good
We called people who we find attractive "hot" but we don't call people who we find unattractive "cold"
Xbox missed a big opportunity by making games only on their console called Xclusive Games.
Today, many would consider it to be sexist and gender-ist of McDonald's to give barbies to girls and hot wheels to boys in happy meals
A billionaire could give me %.01 of his wealth and change my life while he is virtually unaffected
If the FBI Man was spying on me, they'd realise what a boring life I have.
When food is too hot for our hands, why do we still put it in our mouths? I'm looking at you pizza rolls
Sometimes I think about the kid in Spongebob that kept yelling “hoopla” and I wonder if he’s okay after they hit him with a brick.
If you think about it, knife murderers always stab away from themselves, which means they technically practice knife safety
We think in heard words, what do dogs think in?
We missed a great opportunity when we called them farts instead of ass gas.