Smelling something means it has entered your body via your nasal cavity.
my commute to work lasts 12 minutes by bike, I often see otters in the river I cycle along and I take part of a formula 1 track. Guess it's quite good..?
"I'll Be Back" "Consider This A Divorce" "Let Off Some Steam"
"Trust me I've held a presentation/written an essay about this" is the school equvalent of saying "I know what I'm talking about I have a Ph.D. in that field"
When I was a child, I used to wonder what my teachers were like when they were kids. Now I'm a teacher, I wonder what my students will be like as adults
What am I doing with my life...
What if foreign companies purposefully make products with bad English because they know tourists will buy them for laughs?
If vampires can't see their reflections, why is their hair always so neat?
How was Dracula so we'll groomed (perfect shave and slick back hair) when he cannot see himself in a mirror?
What do we do if we jinx the action of knocking on wood?
Why does everyone look forward to the weekend when it is only 2 days
why is it okay to flush footlong SHIT, but not a tampon?
If beauty is in simplicity, does our complexity make us ordinary?
Should the Jazz Cabbage be considered a performance enhancing drug in professional eating?
I spend an abnormal amount of time trying to get various things to be a certain temperature.
If you gave a speech that was broadcasted to 7 billion people saying "You should punch yourself in the face," someone will probably do it.
What if Bob Ross was a serial killer and his paintings are where he hid the bodies?
When someone says social anxiety hides my true personality, is it true? Or is the social anxious person IS their true personality...
Greeting cards and wrapping paper. What the hell are we thinking?
Why is this water so damn cold?
Is pet shampoo tested on animals?
Why do we get IN a car but ON a bus?
I cannot wait to be surprised by all of the remindme! bots that I have set but probably already forgotten about.
All porn videos should start with 5 seconds of music to remind you that your volume is turned up
A mosquitoes second favorite thing is buzzing into my ear hole
Porn videos should start with 5 seconds of music to remind you that your volume is turned up
If a husband and a wife may fuck so should step siblings.
I always hear of bring your kid to work days, but have never heard of anyone actually participating in one.
At 60 years of age, I will have slept around 20 years in total.
I fold when home and wad when away.
There should be dog zoos where people can see all the different dog breeds.
If we go extinct and our e-mail spam folders are found later will the people of the future think that we gave out free wealth to random people?
If the size of penis were directly proportional to the level of intellect, I would have the largest penis in the world and live without sex forever.
The life of skinned finger tips is so weird. Like it should just disappear at a moderate rate each day until it slowly disappears but instead it seems to disappear every so slowly for like 3 days until you wake up with it magical gone
Calenders should count down instead of up so that you know how many days are left in the month.
There is no way of knowing if reality actually exists outside of your head?
For 10 years of my life my dad told me, and I believed, that cracking your knuckles give you arthritis. It doesn’t.
How creepy would it be if babies were born laughing instead of crying?
Can Vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Has anyone ever used just one ketchup packet?
In a world that people doesnt have economic problems, would sex jobs still be a thing?
Some ask for world peace and no hunger. I on the other hand ask for RuPaul’s Drag Race to feature drag racing drag queens.
How many strangers have a picture of me in their house where I am just in the background somewhere?
If a super genius were to get high, would they act like an average person?
What was the whole point of being a good girl all this time?
In the world of the purge, the people I feel the worst for are the HR and scheduling departments, man they must have scheduling and paperwork nightmares on July 5th.
I am pretty sure sociopaths eat the heads of animal crackers last because eating off their heads would put them out of their misery.
On 4/20, gas stations should have a discount on all cigarillos.
You have a bag of fifteen million marbles, but only one is blue. You put your hand in with your eyes closed and pick one at random. The chances that you'll pick up the blue one is higher than winning the Lottery and that is why I don't play.
It is so fashionable to be a nerd from the 80s now, and real nerds from the 80s should be really pissed about it.
Life is not like a box of chocolates. I always know what chocolates I'm getting when I buy them.
I'm also unsuccessful and spelling successful successfully.
I wondering if lightning bugs inspired or annoyed Thomas Edison when he was trying to invent the light bulb
If analogue clocks model the movement of the sun why do they not run anti-clockwise (i.e. east to west)?
Nothing ruins my day more than the micro drops of piss that bounce off the urinal and back to me.
My summer solstice is someone's winter solstice
Who was the first dude who thought it was a good idea to touch a cows utter and drink whatever came out?
All user agreements should have a TLDR at the bottom so we generally get what we can and cant do
Technically I am making read this
Why do people say fucking a instead of f-ing ass?
I’m happy we say “tits” and not “teats”
They should make a race-based power rangers.
My adult fear of early morning inbox messages is more terrifying than when I was worried about monsters under my bed as a kid.
I sometimes wonder if the Fourth of July is just conditioning for war.
If my alarm clock could simulate the sound of a bee/hornet buzzing against my window screen then I would never be late for work again.
What if there are people out there with our childhood faces?
Who's ready for our next round of... "Fireworks or Gunshots!" I hate where I live...
We indeed are in a simulation, and the Earth indeed is flat, but if you can't tell, does it matter?
Forget my search history, if someone takes the time to go through my dash cam footage they will hear some terrible things.
If animals that eat well taste better like grass fed cows. Do cannibals think vegens taste best?
There needs to be something we can wear, a symbol, that says, "I don't care what breed your dog is, I'm gonna pet it."
If it takes more energy for a OLED monitor to make a white screen and less energy for a printer to make a white page, and it takes less energy for a OLED monitor to make a black screen and more energy for a printer to make a black page... does that make a printer a computern’t?
The “5 Love Languages” book should be titled “How to Mutually Manipulate One Another”
I realized I was so worried about my karma that I was afraid to comment my honest opinion sometimes. And that worries me more.
I only ever drink from the tap from one side.
How the hell does Superman stay in perfect shape?
What if the moon is really made out of cheese but we couldn't make sure because there is no oxygen in the vacuum of space.
To sell more healthy cereals to kids (US-specific), cereal companies should offer more exciting boxes and prizes in half of the line. The other half of the product line are as normal for adults.
What did I just step on?
So I was I thinking about robots and..
It’s funny how the sentence “my Boyfriend is in Band” and “my boyfriend is in a band” have very different connotations
If oil and water are heated together, is it considered frying or boiling?
What if the only reason you can't walk through a mirror is because you are just running into the other you.
Doing something for fun should never be a waste of time.
Has the amount of murder and other serious crimes increased in the past few decades, or has it been the same and the access to information with the internet just makes it seem like its constantly increasing?
Who in their right mind decided that eating asparagus for the first time would be a smart idea?? Like, why would you see that in the wild and decide 'hey, that looks amazing to eat'...?
What if everyone sees different colours and there is no way of telling because there’s no way of proving it.
Is Portland, Oregon's nickname P[ee]-Town because of the notorious urine smell in parts of the city?
If I say the universe was created last Friday, no one can prove me wrong.
I spend more time looking for something to watch on Netflix than actually watching anything on Netflix.
The fact that the Holocaust ever happened is proof that we will never invent time travel
Communist propaganda are just commercials about how commercials are bad.
First woman to have twins probably thought she was seeing double
Destroying a Tactical Insertion in a video game is the equivalent to an abortion in real life.
By transporting and selling caffeinated beverages for years I gained extensive experience in both drug dealing and drug running.
Autocorrect thinks every other word I type is "Midget"
when you bath/shower you're basically bathing in 65% you
What the fuck do I want from life?
Someone in their life time saw you even for a glimps and now your face inhibits their dreams until they die but neither of you knows it.
Why do we think human snoring is gross, but animal snoring is cute?
Can men nipples be considered boobs?
When people talk to God it’s called prayer but when God talk to us it’s called schizophrenia
Do we call our animals Pets because we ‘pet’ them, or do we ‘pet’ them because they’re called Pets?
Its on busy days like this I'm truly greatful for how little time it takes me to masturbate
People call things like 9/11 and the Moon Landing Hoax the greatest conspiracies of all time, but the greatest conspiracies of all time are those that will never be discovered.
Enjoy global warming while it lasts. Once the whole world goes electric, it's going to be back to normal.
Oh god.., only 5 more hours until he gets home from work. Fuck.
Instead of Major Motion Pictures, we should call sad movies "Minor Motion Pictures"
Scary to imagine that someone saw your face for a moment and now your face inhibits their dreams until they die.
If food that was good for you tasted better than bad food would fat people be as annoying a vegans now.
Why is it illegal to pay and have sex with a prostitute but legal to pay and have sex with a porn star? (UK)
One of the best things about being human is being able to scratch every part of my body
I feel like I need to review r/LPTs before every trip or even going outside. There is so much that can help that I forget while I’m out and only remember upon reading LPTs
Most of us are afraid of getting old but we should be more afraid of dying young, getting old is a platinum achievement
If you're hotter than me then that means I'm cooler than you.
Right now, while you're reading this post, thousands of people are probably being tortured and are screaming in pain, while you enjoy your daily break on the bed reading post on reddit
Racism is only a problem because of facebook.
We have facial recognition technology yet a vending machine cant recognise my dollar bill.
Adding a “s” to nouns makes it plural but adding a “s” to verbs means that the subject is singular
Feminism is just racism aginst men
Alcoholics anonymous should just be a bunch of drunks who don't know each other getting wasted
A picture is worth more than a thousand words you count captions.
I wonder what happened to all those chuck e cheese tokens
Google/FB know my internet history, who my friends are, where I go and what I buy. They even listen to my conversations. Yet, even with all that information and with the world's top talent, they have yet to show me an ad that I'd click on...
Knowing the answer to a question on “Who wants to be a millionaire” before the answers are announced is one of the best feelings ever.
Some day in the future we'll look at nowadays games like we look at 80's games
If you don't have sex for seven years, are you technically a virgin again?
Why does red bull have a parachuting team if red bull gives you wings?
If you don’t sin, Jesus died for nothing.
Being American, having traveled outside of the country, and having no debt is pretty much the life equivalent of the Holy Grail.
Coming up with good questions is a much rarer gift than coming up with good answers?
I wonder if I put the shampoo on
Donald Turmp is a traitor
I don’t know of any place where the locals say “people here are great drivers”.
If your bath towel ever gets dirty, you're probably cleaning yourself wrong.
If I killed someone in a living room, would it then be more appropriately called a dying room?
The 80s might be having a revival but I haven't heard Freddie Mercury in ages...
My dog has seperation anxiety. If dogs can be support animals, I should be able to be his support human.
What if hieroglyphics represent ancient Egypt in the same way stock images represent the 21st century
What if we are all in a dream together, which sounds like it makes no sense, but what if in the "real world" it makes perfect sense, and that's just the way the real world works?
Would a prison-based reality based show about Trump be called 'Orange is the New Orange'?
If we have Reddit in the afterlife, the most popular subreddit will probably be r/TID
I can’t be the only one who think “I could have come up with that”, every time a post from r/askreddit or r/showerthoughts reaches the front page
Before everyone had a cell phone you would never call someone and ask them where they were because if you were calling them you already knew where they were.
Homicide is to suicide as rape is to masturbation.
One of the most underrated perks of being human is being able to reach all over your body to clean and scrub yourself.
Stefan Karl was not only the number villan, but also the number one meme.
Its amazing how ya girls arm gets tired after a couple strokes but her mom can whip a meringue for 30 minutes without blinking.
Pooping is one of my top five favorite things to do. Running is one my top five favorite things not to do. I take amazing poops post run. They balance each other out!
Is it called Boycotting cause grown men act like children and throw a fit?
God definitely created Eve because Adam kept masturbating.
All the poop you've ever made is out there somewhere, in some form, influencing the world in ways you'll never be aware of.
Why doesn’t youtube have a NEW area like reddit has with different sections?
Comic super heroes must have started in America because we have a legal system that allows the powerful and connected to avoid repercussions and thus continue to be a threat.
Pet cleaner commercials teach me that I don't need pets in my house.
We say "I didn't ask to born", yet we were the sperm that deliberately raced and won its way into the egg!
If someone tells you a lie, but you think it’s the truth, then you proceeded to tell someone else that same thing, are you lying too?
During a heatwave, the toilet feels like someone was there before me because its really warmed up
There Is Way Too High A Correlation Between The Time I Spend procrastinating And How Productive I Need To Be In Life / At Work
I think its interesting that humans only live on twenty-five percent of the planet, but we're already thinking about how to colonize a far away irradiated desert called Mars.
I've never seen a fit person wearing a Fitbit
Awful and Awesome should have almost opposite meanings. Aw-Ful = Full of Awe. Awe-Some = Some Awe.
“A.I. Take the Wheel” would make a great Weird Al song with self-driving cars and such
People think thousands of little bugs clumping up is gross, but that’s literally what cities are to humans.
The concept of speech is pretty insane. You create certain noises with your mouth, and other people only understand it because they memorised what a combination of those sounds mean.
Your recently used emojis are your true feelings about life as it stands summed up.
The US is 3rd in both land area and population
Stairs?
If a president is impeached, everything they did should be undone as punishment.
The popularity of yoga now means you can have sec props lying around in plain view
The only people who can say “not my first rodeo” are those who have either performed in one or been to one.
Hamburger and Beef Sandwich are the same thing and mean something different.
In all my years I have yet to see a “red” onion, I’ve seen green onions, white onions, yellow, and purple, but never red
[Showerthoughts] lit
I want to start a sub called r/conflictingfetishes but I’m not too creative...
There will never be flying cars because people can't drive in two dimensions, how the hell are you going to give everyone access to the third?
Abraham had to circumcise himself.
Everyone you encounter is really just a reflection of you; your words/actions toward others are always repayed.
When buying and drinking beer are we only renting it?
If so many things in life are like riding a bike, what happens if you forget how to ride a bike. Will you forget everything?
why, after millions of years of evolution perfectly designing us do we insist that our bones are going to become brittle and useless unless we down the milk of other species from birth to death...?
Yo what will happen if... ahh shit what was I thinking about ? Damn how long have I been in here?
I am constantly surprised at the lack of Vladimir Pootin jokes.
A whole generation grew up to “Stay away from drugs” without a definition of what’s a drug. Today, Facebook is the most powerful drug and only a few followed that advice.
It's called ‘420’ because only 420 people can be smoking weed at once.
How many historic moments had to be cut short or delayed because someone had to use the bathroom?
It’s 2018 and I still can’t change the length of the snooze on my alarm.
How did god create the sun on day 4 if there was no such thing as days before that?
What would happen if a star someone bought turns out to have some valuable stuff?
What is Mueller's investigation is part of a move to make the Trump opposition hope that there will be a legal end to his presidency and deter wide protests.
Mhm, so a person proofreading Hitler's speeches was a Grammarnazi?
Your philosophy is no match for my ignorance.
People who share the same birthday also have the same birthplace. Because the Earth orbits the Sun once a year.
Since the Earth orbits the sun once every year, people who have the same birthday were also born in the same location.
Cyber Security Colleges Should Automatically Admit Students That Hack Into the Computer System and Admit Themselves
How fat is a fuck?
The older I get the more I can relate to adult cartoons
Why would you use toothpaste recommended by dentists? Their job relies on cavities.
If only the phrase "use it or lose it" applied to my belly fat
I would most likely pay to watch a complete re-enactment of Home Alone with Macaulay Culkin as Kevin McCallister at the age he is today.
I remember when Charlie Sheen was the crazy one...
I imagine having your kids move out of home would feel almost as sad as if your dog just packed up and moved out
"I really don't care, do u?" is the modern version of "Let them eat cake"
WHO HAS ALREADY USED MINOXYDIL 5% IN THE HAIRY LEATHER, HOW LONG TIME YOU NOTICED BETTER?
“You can do anything” is inspiring. “I can do anything is arrogant”
Obviously, the person proof reading Hitler's speeches was a Grammar Nazi.
I bet Kanye never hollered "We want prenup, we want prenup" when he married Kim.
I love spicy food, but I hate it when food products marketed as 'spicy' are anything but
Romans had a god for everything. Now we have a day for everything. Happy breast feeding week.
I bet if democrats pitched government-paid firearm insruction, home defense training, and gun safes..
While watching an A destroys B in a debate video on YouTube, you can judge your own ideological bias by seeing if you feel the destruction or not.
If I was the CEO of a plastic straw company right now I’d be very worried.
Millennials hate that older generations give them alot of shit, but millennials are already giving newer generations shit for idolizing youtubers and buying fidget spinners.
When one of our siblings congratulates you it isn’t much, yet some people go out of there way to get consent from complete strangers from and app called reddit.
'General reposti' has all three E's pronounced differently.
Little splinters are annoying. I bet they're even more annoying for vampires, who have an aversion to wood.
I can move an entire planet subatomic distances with the flick of a wrist.
The Dada art movement was just the 1900’s version of shitposting
You can write a digit in letters but you can't write a letter in digits.
if our online kills counted as real kills, most of us would be guilty of genocide
How often do we do something without knowing it will be the last time we do it?
Everyone who has drank water has died. Coincidence? I think not
People who complain, that we should use everything from an animal like old timey tribes, are ussually those who dont eat hotdogs.
“Go back to work.” -Cat
I’m 31. I think if 40 year old me were to meet 20 year old me, he’d be terribly annoyed. 20 year old me would think 40 year old me is a dick.
One can identify a personality type by asking a simple question. IOS or Android ?
We’re taught that humans aren’t nocturnal yet I always want to sleep all day and be up all night.
What if mentally our dogs call us by our names in the same high pitch kid voice we use with them
Speeding is illegal but every car commercial show the car smashing down a street or the edge of a mountain
“Multisex” should be used instead of “Unisex”
Losing interest in an artist over time is like growing apart from a friend; their new (or old) songs don't (or no longer) resonate with your new self
Unless the phones waterproof NONE of these are showerthoughts...
What if the phrase “the customer is always right” is meant as a warning, as in every customer you have will carry that attitude?
The best example of "they don't build em like they used to" has to be video game consoles.
I don’t know why I didn’t think of this last year
I hope Eskimo blow jobs aren't as boring as Eskimo kisses.
Mercedes has three “E’s” all pronounced differently
Someday people will have no context whatsoever to why we call our job our bread and butter.
Unisex salons should be called Multisex salons.
Cookies should be called bakies
Why do fish breathe in water in tho air has more oxygen?
Where does the 'rice sneeze' fall in the pantheon of sneezes?
I wonder how much gold has William Devane bought from Roseland Capital
Since assassinations are killings with political motives/purpose everybody who died fighting in a war was technically assassinated.
Our ability to type is miraculous. We can type hundreds of letters in succession with millisecond intervals without looking at the keyboard.
The stomach is an alcoholic of the worst kind. Every time it's not doing anything, it asks for more work.
If you laugh at something I say and I say "I'm serious" I'm probably joking. If I'm actually serious and you laugh I'll probably just look at my shoes and go quiet
Is it vain to be self-conscious and overly worried about being perceived as vain by others?
If we were to train idle soldiers in the military to be able to assist with preventable disasters like wildfires, damages of the disasters could be lowered significantly.
The less offensive term *n—a* is just the word *n—-r* with a southern accent