I always press start after setting the timer on the oven because i think it would not start by itself
after i die, i will feel the same way i felt before i was born.
If not identifying with the gender you were born with makes you transsexual, does not identifying as fat make you transfat?
What if ancient aliens are really Humans from the future in suits to prevent any contamination like viruses and the such?
When I was a kid, my buddy had a pool, which had this weird cleaner thing that scurried about. And it scared the fuckin shit outta me.
Eye believe, there’s a small patch of back that has never been washed since my mom stopped washing me.
If Mr. Krabs loves the smell of money and money gets its scent from peoples hands, does he love the smell because it reminds him of the personal contact his greed starves him of?
Going to the grocery store with no particular list of ingredients to buy, but nothing else in particular to do, is a lot like mall walking. I’m a 30 year old mall walker.
Shit I forgot to grab a new bar
How did we get the alphabet in alphabetical order?
Today my girlfriend asked me why thinking isn't considered the sixth sense...
How long does it take to render a film ?
I don't even want to go back to my youth for nap-time or "no responsibility", I want to go back to a time where buying video games meant buying 100% of a fully developed game.
Why is it I am thinking, "wow I am so thankful I haven't had any problems with my printer in a month," when that would clearly not be acceptable for nearly any other household item.
Artists could put two watermarks in their work: one should be super easy to crop out and the other should be hard to see, that way assholes out themselves as art theives.
Most everyone denies that they pick their nose, or that they masturbate, but each one of those people knows they are lying. Why not just admit it if we know?
When I married my wife, she used body wash. So, I began using body wash. 20 years later, she rediscovers bar soap. Finally, I get to go back to bar soap.
Is a tiny watermelon a mini-melon or a micro-melon?
I really miss Chris Farley
Why do people think that pouring random colors onto a canvas is "art"?
I wish I could just somehow puke up the last few years.
If it’s impressive to kill 2 birds with 1 stone, is it equally impressive to kill 1 bird with half a stone?
During the R & D phase of Tickle Me Elmo, there must have been lots of test tickles.
i wish we had the ability to dream together with other people like multiplayer dreaming.
If the Space Force drafted me for outer space anything, I'd probably be okay with that.
Saying "I'm hot" is complaining that your molecules are moving to quickly.
When you die and you can only ask god one question before u passed on to your next life what would it be?
Quicksand is not nearly as much of a concern as I thought it'd be when I was a child.
If you were suing someone, wouldn’t you be considered a pursuer?
If coffee beans are really just dried, roasted arabica berries, does that make coffee a prune juice?
I wonder how many adults have seen through our excuses as children, but have just been nice enough to let them slide.
My Hero Academia is just a precursor series to One Punch Man
When I order Pad Thai, I’m asking the restaurant to send noods
Isn't hard water just ice?
Do jewish schools give young students gold stars, for achievements?
Alumni ends in “I” but refers to multiple people, while alumnus ends in “us” but refers to a single person
Saying "I cleaned the shit out of my kid" isn't hyperbole for the first two years of their life.
Let me just open this new tab...
If water got you drunk would it hydrate you or dehydrate you?
I use my pockets just as a woman would her purse.
Do soccer players crumple up in public when they get touched like they do while playing soccer?
I wish during sex women would give you one of those light up vibrating restaurant pagers so you'll know when they are ready.
Given how things have been lately, I can't help but feel now would be the perfect time for Rage Against the Machine to release a new album.
I just lost the game.
What if fish went fishing Humans? You see a DVD of Age of Ultron just lying on the ground, grab it, and get reeled into the water by a goldfish.
I wonder if we’re the only house on the block still using a tube TV
You ever realize that clouds are the Earth’s sunglasses?
Rebels are just weak minded people.
Is Maroon just Navy Red?
In retrospect, we should question the hygiene of the teachers who made us spit gum into their hands after they caught us.
Scissor me timbers
You can text "I love you" to ya homie but can you say "I love you :)" ?
Why is it hot coffee tastes bad when it gets cold, but iced coffee doesn't taste bad when it gets warm?
“Send me your location” from Khalid’s song probably wouldn’t have made any sense 10 years ago
Fear of clowns are kind of like foot fetishes. I don't have either, but sometimes I can understand why someone would.
Intolerance of minority groups or vulnerable groups should never be tolerated. Puts us all at risk and makes our world something less.
You ever think about how the cruelty children can show each other represents the savagery of our species (Freaks and Geeks-inspired)?
How many potentially game changing evolutionary advancements have gone nowhere becuase they made that person ugly as fuck?
What if pizza became so popular that they became our national currency. But because of that people couldn't make pizza at home because it would be counterfeiting currency.
God is a bit of a hypocrite. He says that we should get married before having sex and children but as far as I know he isn’t married and he got someone else’s wife pregnant
Do penguins know that Antarctica is cold?
The plural of human should be humen.
Baseballs are pitched so fast, it would be illegal to drive the same speed.
The word “utilize” is worthless. In every instance you can replace it with the word “use”. Not only will your sentence not lose meaning, but you’ll sound less pretentious.
Many people who post in this sub don't actually have these thoughts while showering.
The guy who was the nude baby on the cover of Nirvana's "Nevermind" album has probably had his dick seen by more people than anyone else in history.
I don't understand why we call them unicorns. It should be unihorns.
Stripper shoes should be called "daddy shoes"
Nobody on Reddit has ever pressed 1 for more options when leaving a voicemail.
what if the cryptid, nightcrawler, is a tsukumogami (A youkai who inhabits items) and it inhabits a sheet?
The harder you work, the likelier you shower at night than in the morning.
When I vacuum or mow the lawn it seems to take no time at all, but when someone else does it, shit goes on forever.
Are right handed people better at tightening thing and lefties better are making them loose!
Sorting by new is like playing fantasy football, comment on posts that you think have good potential, hope ones you did not comment on do bad, and score large amounts of karma for good predictions.
If women’s nipples needs to be censored, but men’s nipples doesn’t. Can you censor a woman’s nipples with a man’s nipples
Shower mats are just human coasters
If you cut a hole in a net you have less holes than you started with.
If you can wish upon a shooting star, can astronauts wish upon themselves during re-entry?
Grates are called grates because they’re gates on the ground
Mario and Luigi is called the Mario brothers, that means Mario has no first name or his full name is "Mario Mario"
There are probably lots of socially capable introverts (like me) who just don't start conversations.
I just realized cigarettes are called that because they're a smaller version of a cigar
TIL The word 'password' has the word 'sword' in it
What if 007 was Jane Bond? How would the Bond movies become more interesting?
Slang words come and go, but the word cool has been cool for a really long time.
Do angels watch you poop?
Time travel is easy, set your clock back 4 hrs and go back to bed.
Activity in this sub probably doesn't spike during the times of day where people are done having showers.
Earth should be called Water when it is covered by it to 71%.
Does r/showerthoughts activity spike in the mornings when people are having their showers?
Do aliens call themselves humans as we do, if so, what are chances that we use their word for it as race name?
Without reddit Facebook and twitter would not have nearly as many popular/viral posts
Its a terrible feeling when you find yourself in a comments argument on Facebook then you realise you actually got there through stalking someone’s profile and it’s obvious the only reason you are there is because it’s through that person. (specific)
If you replace love (as a noun) in various songs, movies, or books, with global warming, it doesn't work out that much, but sometimes it does
So crazy fact is my socks or probably capable of making billions of babies! 😏
r/showerthoughts activity probably doesn't even spike at times when people are done having showers.
Every time someone skips a Stefan karl meme the knife gets closer each time for no reason for it to stab those whom dont believe in stefan karl.
No one is above the law, unless you are the standing president.
Why haven’t they invented microwaves that are equipped with silent closing doors and a mute option for the beeps? That way all us midnight snackers and renegade eaters can rest easy.
Everyone knows that nobody reads the T&Cs, but who writes them?!
If I changed my name to Adolf Hitler and started saving a lot of Jews I could imbue a lot of ambiguity in the way future generations of Nazis approach each other in greeting...
Dang this water feels really good I should stay in just a little longer even though I have things to do.
What if mirrors are a portal to a separate dimension where everything is backwards
Saying "I got some stools today!" Can be very perfectly fine,or really,*really* wierd
Pirates and Pilates are nearly spelled the same but have completely different pronunciations.
There’s no such thing as an unbiased person because if they’re unbiased they’re biased towards neutrality
The first advertisement on the moon will probably be the best advertisement that no one will see.
Slang words come and go but the word 'cool' has been cool for a really long time.
I know there’s a general dislike for BuzzFeed, but being paid to browse Reddit seems like a pretty awesome job.
What if bowling was like golf and every frame was bowled on a lane/pin variation.
Everyone always says all babies do is eat sleep and poop for the first couple of months but mother's do the same thing
The USA's "bicentenial" was 1976. Many of us will see its Tricentenial.
Figuring out exactly what the Shower Thoughts bot considers a valid post is hard.
Thunder is just a god's way of taking pictures with flash...
In the case we didn't manipulate oil we would be using electricity in every aspect of our lives, that means that apart from timper fumes there would be almost no climate change and pollution problems.
When my toddlers pretends to answer the phone, they hold it up to their face. Holding a phone to your ear is no longer relevant.
The People Who Believe In BigFoot Are The most Likely To Doubt The Existence Of A Missing Link
Sure, the term 'penis' is great, but isn't 'pump action yoghurt thrower' just WAY more fun?
You shouldn’t throw your ideas of non-stick pans at the wall, I promise it won’t stick, you’ll just make a big hole in your wall.
Some monster put an s in lisp
If John Lennon had jaundice would he be called John Lemon?
What if instead of pooping from our anus, we pooped from out belly buttons?
Why is Earth called Earth and not Water when it is covered by it to 71%?
Slutty people are like Walmarts - everyone makes fun of them but when you’re inside one at 4am you think “I’m glad this is here!”
Bowling should be more creative like golf and have each frame be bowled on a different lane shape or pin setup.
I've never eaten a cream pie and I've also never eaten a cream pie.
I wonder if part of the deal with North Korea was to turn over Seth Rogen and James Franco?
As I've grown older I've realised that adults don't talk about weather because they find it interesting. It's because it's a nice conversation starter.
Is meat an inanimate object?
Why don’t trains have seatbelts?
If you have a near death experience, do you die in an alternate universe?
If the Taskmanager does not respond, who does manage the tasks then?
If your semen tastes like what you eat, does what you eat taste like your semen?
"God" is basically a poor alternative to "i dont know" for everything in existence
Is it weird that im a Human?
If Colonel is pronounced Kernel, Colony should be pronounced Kerny.
Can Game Characters hear there Game music?
If Colonel is pronounced Kernel, shouldn't Colony be pronounced Kerny?
What if there are shadows in the dark and we can't see them?
Brain: Listens to music staright for 8hrs, but later hums only the worst one (..one I hated) continuously. Why! Why!!😣
I bet the Taco Bell employee who came up with the idea to put Doritos flavoring on their tacos is retired on a beach somewhere counting his money.
Is it true that the only people who You think are happy are people you don't know very well?
Anytime I see calf boots on a woman I imagine that woman in calf boots... and nothing else.
Heaters and fans should have an inverse timer, an ammount of time they are off after which they turn on.
If your brain control's your body, then aren't all farts brain farts?
If humans can't see the air, do fish see the water?
Religion should evolve like technology. For example you wouldn’t buy an old MacBook expecting the functionality of one that is 10 years old, so people should take parts of religion that they like and combine what they believe.....Hindi-Muslims or Christian-Darwinist
I would appreciate a women who had an expectation date tattoo.
Pretty much all everyday items have expiration dates. I wonder when people will start to get expiration date tattoos on themselves.....
Dim sum are like Chinese tapas... or are tapas Spanish dim sum?
How does a blind person know when he is done wiping?
If Michael Jackson was still alive could he be nominated for a BET Award?
What if I sneeze on my dog
If you're injured on the floor in a football game, you should have to sit out for at least 5 minutes.
If salt tastes salty, then why doesn't sugar taste sugary?
Do you think people in fictional worlds write stories about us?
did we give February a leap day because we felt sorry for its lack of days?
Why are there no blue peppers?
I don't stare at people teeth nearly as much as I worry that people stare at mine.
Can you get arrested for drunk driving in a wheelchair?
I'm pretty sick of people acting like their mathematical geniuses for knowing you won't win the lottery. A ticket costs 2 bucks a week for the chance at hundreds of millions. I'll take my chances. That mountain dew can wait.
I’d have to imagine a helium tank is the only thing that gets heavier as it gets empty.
If I could have one superpower, it would be to blink at the same time as anyone else. Then, they would think I never blink.
In less than half a year I'll be turning 30. Yet, when I hear someone say "a 30 year old" I picture someone much older than me who probably wouldn't get my references.
I wonder a criminal has ever tried to come in my house when i’m sleeping and just walked away because it’s locked.
Don’t look at my comment history
Why do we make our coffee tables out of materials you can't actual put drinks on, when that's like the whole point of the table?
If unicorns were real and giraffes were mythological, would it make us want giraffes to be real?
Why do spaceships gain speed in movies when their engine gets shot...
Why are girls encouraged to go into male-dominated fields but men aren't encouraged to go into female-dominated fields?
Why is it "unicorn" and not "unihorn"?
Everything we should take completely SERIOUS, turns into a meme.
I would imagine that when a dude meets his doppelganger, one of the first things they'd do is compare penises.
Nothing lets me know how out of touch with what "cool" is than shopping for new sunglasses
Are Stairs, Streets in air?
Has anyone ever actually tripped from an untied shoelace?
According to common American wisdom it's fine to go to a bar, get drunk, meet a stranger, take her to your home, have sex, and fall asleep together, but very unsafe to tell someone on the internet your last name.
Your Facebook page is a movie trailer for your personality.
I was betrayed by a shower. Showers at work run for a minute then stop. Rinse, soap, repeat. I rinsed, soaped, then shower would not start for second rinse cycle. Had to do the shameful shuffle to the next cubicle. Only had negative thoughts in that shower.
Oh no, we abolished plastic straws because plaster is evil ( hands me a my coffee this in a plastic cup with a plastic lid)
How can people ever trust one another, when every time they visit a website and agree to accept cookies, those cookies never come?
If two teams played flawlessly in a playoffs or World Series situation, how would they determine who moves on or is awarded victory? It could potentially go on for years.
An Atheist's thoughts toward life after death usually end in the longest "I'll deal with it later" of their life.
Would your boss’ boss be your Grandboss?
When Luke died and just vanished, like all Jedi masters do, leaving his robes behind, I wonder if he left his mechanical hand behind
The OP of a repost technically isn't the OP
It would be ironic if someone made a post complaining about reddit's trending notifications and that post ended up giving trending notifications
I can’t think of a single person who has ever tripped due to an untied shoelace
Medusa is litterally the worst at staring contests
A person who is deaf cant, in full honesty, use the phrase: 'or so i've heard'.
"I really wish I had an orange in here"
Someone should make a nsfw subreddit for showerthots
The poop emoji has a shit-eating grin 💩
A lot of people would feel pretty silly about their comment jabs at re-posters / liars if Reddit ever started selling these "free internet points" we all love so much.
After hearing Eeyore voiced by Brad Garrett, I can't imagine anyone else ever doing the voice.
When people repost something on this subreddit, it’s possible that they might have had the idea to repost it while in the shower.
If some humans are allergic to dogs, are some dogs allergic to humans?
If you cum in space then it will keep going forward
The Spartans would have approved Hitler killing the mentally disabled.
if we say "my old man", we're referring to our dad, but if we say "my old lady", we're talking about our wife, not our mom.
I feel like Reddits notification system and I have different definitions of 'trending'.
I wonder if people who wipe 'standing up' versus 'sitting down' were taught by different guardians...
80% of people pee in the shower. 72% of people say they get their best ideas in the shower. So, at least 52% of people get their best ideas peeing in the shower. I just did.
Some day in the future, getting schooled might mean getting shot
When deaf people say something along the line of 'or so i've heard', you'll instantly know they are lying
Shower thought #587
Whatever happened to those “new phone, need numbers” FB groups?
In an alternate universe, there’s a dog tinder where bios say “send me pics of your human and I’ll answer”.
Doors are broken walls
I'm Surprised Religion Hasn't Jumped On Climate Change Yet
Everytime a human is created they are adding weight to this Earth.
Im14AndThisIsDeep would be a totally different sub if it was nsfw
What if old/historic coins aren't rare and expensive because of collectors, but because of time travellers trying to get rich in the past?
Hot moms are upvoted way faster on r/OldSchoolCool
Rare legal currency has two values (Ex. Santa 1 dollar bill). One if you use it in the store and another if you sell it to a collector.
If time travel gets invented a lot of people will probably want a TARDIS as design.
Not everything used to be better. Just me.
There should be a tinder app for my single socks
Do crabs think fish fly?
Is a house cats “hiss” the equivalent to a lions “roar”?
Millions of tiny lamps are shining on your face as you are reading this.
Shower Thought
I have a feeling I never want to learn the origin of the phrase "I want this out of my hair".
I'm pretty sure the actors from the Final Destination movies die because I never see them in another movie ever again.
Does wanting to be trans and not identifying with my original gender go hand in hand with a lack of self love?
There is nothing that makes me more sad thank stepping on a dogs tail on accident.
Used the same skillet for a year. How many different cows, chickens, and pigs have I cooked on that thing.
Do small bugs have a quicker reaction time because their brains are closer to the rest of their body in actual size?
People saying 11 should be pronounced onety-one when it should clearly be pronounced tenty-ten.
Authors are the gods of their books
People in the future will probably wonder why plumbers are named after a metal that is banned from use in plumbing.
Uber should have a “round trip” option for drunk dudes trying to be responsible on a beer run.
I often find myself saying “aks” instead of “ask”.
Famous people committing suicide, proves that money doesn’t bring true happiness
I wonder what life would have been like if Humans had more species just like animals and plants.
"I Just Can't Wait To Be King" is a song about Simba wishing his dad would hurry up and die
Antibiotics should taste really bad so people would take antibiotics only when absolutely necessary.
If make the statement "I'm lying", I'm telling the truth.
I feel like a good raw onion-based mace would be super effective
I wonder how many people second guessed the meaning of the street sign, " Slow Children at Play"
Where did the word "ow" come from and why do we say it after we get hurt?
Calligraphers are make-up artists for letters.
Another good name for the subreddit /r/bettereveryloop would be /r/gifsthatkeepongiffing
Sex in a ELI5 perspective is just a man masturbating himself inside a vagina
God killed 2pac.
People will do anything for Reddit karma.
Somewhere there's a subreddit dedicated to mylar balloons where everyone posts pictures and videos of flying saucers.
Imagine how it would be in a world where eating makes you thin and decreases your weight while starving yourself increases your weight.
Middle names are just your reject first name
Right now you're the youngest that you'll ever get to be again