What does Jason Voorhees smell like?
What if a bunch of mad scientists made every species on Earth to see which species would reign supreme but no one's won because humans keep trying to keep other species alive
Since kids don't play outside as much nowadays, "hey kids get off my wifi" is the new "hey kids get off my lawn!"
We always say money can't buy you happiness, but when a rich person says they are depressed/sad we belittle their emotions by saying they have so much to be thankful for and they should suck it up
Does the one-eyed one-horned flying purple monster eat people, or does the monster eat one-eyed one-horned flying purple people?
God killed Tupac.
“You can’t have too many _____” could mean either way.
r/mildlyinteresting, r/damnthatsinteresting, and r/interestingasfuck is the Reddit equivalent to copying someone else's homework and tweaking it a little.
If mission imposible is called imposible ten how does Tom Cruise do it?
Don't feel bad if you got to say 'no' to someone. It's always a 'yes' for you.
By the time a Time Machine is invented there will be most likely no future to travel to
A sure sign that I'm not intimidated by a co-worker is my ability to pee comfortably while they stand beside me at the urinal.
A US state + a noun sounds like a sexual position. "The Alabama Bike"
That spider in the corner of my shower must be starving...... right?
The Kirby character Meta Knight has "Meta" in his name because he is a Knight of the Night!
If you painted your room every time you saw "every time you paint your room it gets smaller" on this sub, then your room would get noticably smaller.
People who often make other people feel uncomfortable with unsolicited complements should really consider targeting their efforts to websites like photofeeler...
Is the 'Mickey' in "Mickey Mouse" short for Michael or Micholas?
"I was wearing an onion on my belt..." is now 25 years old, enough to make it an unironic indicator of old age.
When I was a teenager I thought when a older guy hit on me they just thought I was older than I actually was. Now I know they were all just creeps. A 14 yr old looks like a child.
The best hats are either really big or really small.
It’s odd that automoderator will deny and remove a post actually thought up in the shower for being “unoriginal” or “common” but won’t touch the 27 million reposts per day...
What if puppies go to the bathroom in the house only to mark their territory?
I should've made my account on my birthday to make happy cake day comments real.
The fact the word LIE is smack in the middle of the word believe seems curiously ominous...
Since our universe is expanding there must be other universes that are retracting and merging, similar as foam bubbles in the shower.
Donkey Kong must have tough bones.
Dr Strange gave the time stone to Thanos because it was the only scenario where the Avengers win, but this also means Thanos knows their plan too, since he now has the time stone
Dr. Strange gave the time stone to Thanos because it was the only scenario where the Avengers win. This means Thanos also knows their plan, since he now has the time stone
"The Sky is the Limit" really isnt true anymore.
Why is it called person of colour used to describe non-white people when white is a combination of all colours while black is the absence of colour?
The word bolognese should be used as a quick and efficient way to ask for a bologna and cheese since it's literally bologna and cheese as one word.
My brain fills in the missing sounds when looking at gifs
Usually the English language at least has a strange rule for the way certain words are pronounced, but we don't pronounce the "a" in "diamond" for seemingly no reason at all
They should make an Air Bud movie but instead of sports, it's for taxes.
Maybe every groundhog day repeats like the movie, but you're good enough you dont need another chance to get the day right
Reddit is really just millions of people sorting life into finer and finer categories.
Through 20 or so years of education, plagiarism was absolutely prohibited. Now, as a lawyer, I plagiarise the work of others on an almost-daily basis.
The "..was wearing an onion on my belt" quote is now 25 years old, making it an unironic indicator of old age.
r/showerthoughts is going to blow up once everyone will have waterproof phones
Watching the news feels like watching the news in an apocalypse movie right now
Dogs probably think it takes a really long time for us to pee when we leave for work.
The original clickbaits are book titles
When you get older, phrases that start with "Never in my life..." get more serious and improbable.
The plot/synopsis for a lot of The Twilight Zone episodes would work as an excellent post for /r/writingprompts
Seeing how James Bond works for a Secret Service, there's a good possibility that James Bond is not his real name
Google search predictive text really made me understand that I'm really not that special.
Dr.Strange should have just told Star Lord the truth before the fight so he wouldn't flip out
Imagine the number cigarettes you have smoked through passive smoking (inhaling other smokers' smoke)
Dog shows are contest in which participants are ranked according to how racially pure they look.
The fact that the most downvoted comment on Reddit has more downvotes than the most upvoted post on reddit has upvotes really shows how much of a dick EA is.
There will be a time when almost all the usernames will be taken and the only ones left will be random numbers and letters.
We should appreciate that the differences in the metric and imperial system do not include time measurement
Its impossible to laugh in your head without sounding sarcastic
Why does my oven go in increments of 5? I've never had to cook something at 405 degrees.
A dinosaur has never heard the word dinosaur
Why don't they use liquid soap dispensers in prison showers?
It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it’s fixed and finally cool, you leave.
People saying « customer is king » are actually the worst customers.
There are people whose job is to study the public's response to political campaign shenanigans in order to better orchestrate more shenanigans for future campaigns.
why does no one remember the first time they saw rain? Seems like it would be pretty significant by the time you were able to process it.
If Priyanka Chopra is 36 and Nick Jonas is 25 and we go by the “Socially acceptable” age range formula (36/2=18+7=25) then no one should be upset.
An average shower uses 17.2 gallons of water. That weighs just over 143 lbs. Most people would barely be able to lift that.
People who only do cross-posting are the day traders of the Karma world.
Tying our shoes within a couple of seconds is such an underrated skill
Phrases that start with "Never in my life..." get more serious and improbable as you get older.
If it were possible to "Un-gold" the accounts on reddit and take back the money, some people here could live very well doing it.
Showers are just domesticated waterfalls
Monsters are real. But whenever we discover one, we call it an animal
Remember The Office episode where Michael said “we should get YouTube here to film this” and we all laughed. Well now it’s kind of true
Priyanka Chopra is 36 and Nick Jonas is 25 36/2=18+7=25 so it should be socially acceptable but it doesn’t seem to be to most peopl3
reddit is the equivalent of the groups of students in-class but even more separated
Your brain is the only organ to name itself
Why is it everytime I ask for "all the veggies" at Jimmy Johnz it turns into a hostage negotiation?
If space is constantly expanding, wouldn't that mean its within something thats allowing it to grow?
Why do we brush our teeth in the same place we shit?
why do i never have to poo when i pee but always have to pee when i poo?
Why don’t we put carpet on toilet seats anymore??
Okay fine I admit it!
The quickest way to make up for saying something dumb is to say "My brain was hacked."
There are no feminists on a sinking ship.
I’m reading this text out loud in my mind right now
The guy who proof-read Hitler's speeches was an actual grammar nazi.
Religions are ingrained in human nature. Even if all religions were wiped from Earth right now, new ones would return - unless humans as a species make a conscious decision to abort them
Nowadays hitting decline on an incoming phone call is the international sign of fuck off
Time is the reason we exist now. Time is also the reason we're gonna die. Time is our ruler, our God. But also our Destroyer. It is an ally but also our enemy.
It's probably for the best they chose Dick Fosbury's surname to name his famous technique.
The fact that Hell needs a highway and Heaven has stairs should tell you how long the queue length is.
If "some of them want to abuse you" and "some of them want to be abused", why don't they just find each other and leave me alone?
It was a good decision to name
The fact that almost everyone has a flash light with them 24/7 is underappreciated.
You're much less likely to answer phone if number has same area code and prefix as your mobile number. Spam callers have programmed me into blocking all calls from similar numbers to my own.
What if Mars has water on it becyase we used to live one it but tucked up the climate so badly we had to evacuate and sent just Adam and eve to earth
There are no feminists on a sinking ship ... "Women & children first", ... All the females on the sinking ship will absolutely get in the lifeboats first. All will renounce feminism in the face of death in a cold sea. And not regret the seats they take, which were not allocated to males.
Im still waiting for some one who is being arrested on a Cop style reality show to say 'I didnt do anything'instead of 'I didnt do nothing'
The best water in the world.
Pepper Spray is just Spicy Air
"My brain was hacked." Is a considerably great way to distract from an awkward statement said previously.
With all the record fires in California, Smokey the Bear should join the fight against global warming.
It's probably for the best that they chose surname to coin his famous technique.
Could reincarnation be a thing?
Eugenics is just gatekeeping for existence
I wonder if people will start giving social media information to their children so that they can inherit followers.
Imagine how different life would be if humans could only throw around 10-15 mph (on average ) and run up to 40-50 mph (on average ) ?
As a thirty four year old, within my lifetime, its possible that I may be able to ride a tourist space shuttle into space just for entertainment purposes.
I wonder if the falling person in the “This is America” music video is ok.
In these days of recording and broadcasting your everyday life. The Kardashian’s are thinking, what’s he difference between them and us?
Whales were probably called that because they sound like they’re whaling.
Let’s offer Trump a Noble Peace Prize if he steps down from office. I think he’d take the bait.
Wouldn't space have to end somewhere? What is beyond space? Heaven? Hell? A man sitting infront of a videogame?
When people pronounce it “supposIBly” or “eXpecially”then I assume they are dummies
It's probably for the best they chose Dick Fosbury's surname
Do they design the iPhone for it to be used in a case or on its own? I think it’s for on its own
It's likely for the best they chose Dick Fosbury's surname to coin his famous technique
Best Snuggle Pedic Bamboo Pillow Review – Yea or Nay?
No preacher has ever said that God is punishing Oklahoma with tornados for tolerating too much racism. It's always some other state with some other natural disasters because of the homosexuals.
If r/theydidthemath had the same amount of comments as the correct answer I wouldn't have to open the post
Identical twins
A large number of people are triggered by the word triggered
I really hope that some English major somewhere took the opportunity of being left at the altar to return the wedding gifts with the note, "Reader, I did not marry him".
It should be spelled scientest because they test science.
Whether you are stoned in Amsterdam or stoned in the Middle East both provide you with an out-of-body experience.
My gums are literally giving birth to wisdom teeth right now
If I was on the top of the earth and my buddy was on the bottom and we both drop a peice of bread would earth be considered a sandwich
Why isn't there a tv show where people have to compete to literally smell what the rock is cooking? Can you smell what the rock idle cooking?
In certain fonts the letter 'w' (double-u) should be pronounced double-vee.
When you are a kid Christmas everyday of the year sounds like heaven. When you are an adult it sounds like hell!
If a baby sits, wouldn't that make it the babysitter?
What if Saturn doesn’t have rings and is instead a planet going through swirling wormhole
If I make a post to r/ShowerThoughts titled "This is the only shower thought that isn't a repost," it would probably be correct.
I bet condom theft has dramatically decreased now that we have self checkout
Someones last words were probably "I'm white, police won't shoot me"
In the face/off universe the thing that would freak me out the most would be seeing myself first hand for the first time.
If this subreddit had actuall shower thoughts, it would probably be thing like 'burn the bad potate'
True marriage equality is leaving the toilet seat at a 45° angle.
I always hate seeing people taking pictures of public events and get annoyed that they can't enjoy the moment, but I also enjoy seeing the pics/vids on reddit I'd otherwise never see.
I wonder what happens when a working girl accidently runs into a client in the street or restauraunt, I wonder what embarassing situations have arose
Is there a female equivalent to the exclamation or term of endearment “Son of a bitch”?
If I make a post to the ShowerThoughts subreddit titled "This is the only shower thought that isn't a repost," it would probably be correct.
“September” should be the seventh month of the year, “October” should be the eighth month of the year, and so on.
If you stick your d*ck in a box of your relatives ashes, is it still incest
Ligma, Bofa, and Sugma jokes are all knock knock jokes in disguise.
Reddit is basically Facebook, but with fewer consequences
Saying the word “crisp” slowly, travels from the back to the front of your mouth.
What if the big bang was the result of a previous the explosion of a previous universe that collapsed? And that everything is just a loop that repeats at every universe's explosion?
In all history, we timeline everything by the century or by who was on the throne. For the 20th century we remember everything by each decade. Does progress happen faster now?
This is, in all likelihood, the only shower thought that isn't a repost
We use refrigerators to cool meat. We use air conditioners to cool humans. Air conditioners are human refrigerators.
When people say: "I've slept since then!" to indicate that they've forgotten something. It's actually sleep that gives you the power to remember
Caffeine is recommended for migraines. So is sleep/rest. Go figure.
People say "R.I.P. my inbox" when clearly their inbox is not resting in peace.
The Bee Movie should have been a B movie. Ideally with Bruce Campbell in a rubber bee suit.
Picking a college is like finding a significant other. There are some that you won’t even apply to because they are out of your league. There are some that you’ll settle for if necessary. But there are one or two out there that are a perfect fit for you if you can find them.
Go to bed, you’ll feel better in the morning is the human version of “Did you turn it off and turn it back on again"?
PC Desktop SORT BY should include BY OPEN FREQUENCY
I can't believe I've never sneezed during a haircut.
The best thing about computers is they do exactly what I tell them to do. The worst thing about computers is they do exactly what other people tell them to do.
I hope those firefighters got a chance to celebrate the tie goal this time!
If you edit an edited picture to make it look unedited, would the final product still be edited?
If my life is a Truman show then the viewers must be disappointed
Saying “I fell on the ground” is just a mild way of saying “I collided with a planet.”
Do we know every single emotion there is to know?
Is that sweat, soap, or sunscreen in my eyes?
They should have a channel that's just the last 10 minutes of shows from HGTV.
"Oops, I forgot the attachment" has to be one of the most common emails that is sent.
Being bisexual can make Never Have I Ever twice as hard.
If an animal never sees what it looks like, how does it know its fellow species looks like?
Being a homeowner has made me realize why people play the lottery every week.
Water is constantly poisoning you from your birth until the day you die. Can you think or anyone who has lived eternally after drinking water?
If there’s such thing as human rights, is there such thing as human lefts?
I hope at some point George R.R Martin gets a railroad station named after him so the sign reads George R.R. Martin R.R Station.
I wish my body had a ‘re-set to factory settings’ option
If ghosts are real, it would explain how I can get pee shy with no one else in the room.
With all the medical breakthroughs we develop on rats, I fear we are making our eventual rat overlords impervious to disease and injury.
If Life was a video game, I feel like I have just reached that point where I know the rules well enough that I could do way better if I could respec my character stats.
PePe Le Pew was a sexual predator that should be banded from television and arrested immediately.
I have always wondered what it is like to live in civilization that had an epic past, pyramids, ancient cities etc. To know that you are living in a place that is past it's prime. Now I know. (U.S.)
Since the biggest dinosaurs died out after the asteroid hit because they were dependent on big food I wonder if the human species is similarly vulnerable because we are like one giant interdependant organism
I wonder if the 2015 movie The Witch was inspired by Goya’s painting Witches’ Sabbath...
Can zombies swim?
What if brushing your teeth is actually just scrubbing your enamel thinner, making it more susceptible to cavities, and dentists perpetuate the the habit of “dental hygiene” for job security.
When I die, I hope I get the option to go into a top-down observation mode the way I do when I get shot down in Fortnite.
If massage parlors gave back scratches instead of back massages, I would more likely go to one.
If we can't see air, can fish see water?
When i die, ill be following famous female celebrities and everytime they yawn ill stick my benis in thier mouth
The more I learn about what people do, the less I wish I knew what people do.
I realize my life is good when having my earbuds get caught on something and violently ripped out of my ears is the worst thing ever.
Instead of percentage cell phones should have a countdown to when your battery will die.
Will future us will look at chemotherapy the way that current us looks at bloodletting?
Ten is the perfect number of Commandments. If there were nine or eleven I don’t think people would’ve got on board.
Gin & Tonics taste like what I imagine drinking aftershave would taste like.
What if...
At this point, any time someone does something amazing in public we should just start clapping so that no one will believe them when they tell the story.
“Should’ve” can always be replaced by “should have”, however should have can not always be replaced by “should’ve”.
Do you think animals have their own gods that they worship?
The first student to use the "my dog ate my homework" excuse must've thought they were the smartest fucking person.
They should make cookie flavor pancakes and pancake cookies.
What if oxygen is a hallucinogen and we're just hallucinating our entire lives?
Gentlemen’s club owners should have a daycare either next door our attached to the club. That way some of the strippers have a place to keep their kids and they can make even more money off of them.
If everything belongs to something, in the sense that everything has a context, what is the context of space? What does it belong to?
There should be a version of The Bachelorette where one of the contestants is a Golden Retriever.
What if movies and tv shows that have a dog barking in the background just use a bunch of recordings of the same three or four dogs? Dogs must hear them and recognize them as the same dogs from all the other movies so they're the equivalent of our biggest movie stars.
Sometimes I feel like I should leave a booger in my nose to see who my true friends really are.
“Should’ve” can always be replaced by “should have” but “should have” can’t always be replaced by “Should’ve”.
Many foods I eat are merely the vehicles for condiments.
men, if your with a woman and smell some stank on her butt, she probably didnt wipe well and you should just go home.
Shouldn’t the singular form of rice be rouse?
What if trees kill us slowly by releasing carbon dioxide so we die and feed them when we’re buried
What if cops had to get tattoos instead of badges
How is it possible that Microsoft is using AI to improve Windows software when the ‘Diagnose’ option never yields a single answer to remedy issues?
It is easier than ever to access information, but less people actually trying to access it when they should.
Bunny Chunks?
People say nothing is impossible but I do nothing everyday.
You should sometimes leave a booger in your nose to see who your true friends really are.
What if the testicle my dad lost to cancer was ACTUALLY removed to power a super race of humans in South Africa?
Sometimes I wonder if swimming was invented by some random dude who was simply trying not to drown.
What if we experience the 4th dimension after death
My goldfish probably has no clue how to communicate with other goldfish.
No establishment with splintered rotton wood patio furniture should be allowed to make you feel inferior.
If I slept in a room full of rice, would I have dry skin in the morning?
I believe animals have secret languages. Particularly, i’d like to think dogs really speak a language, and since we’re not dog, we only hear it as barks? They bark once, but since were not dog, they actually said like “Hey George, how’s that new park on 11th?” yet we only hear a single bark.
In the case of no law, is a surrogate who carried a child and birthed it more its mother than simply the woman whose egg it started from?
If a game has "free content update included", why isn't it already included in the base game?
I am probably going to watch Millie Bobby Brown grow up and become an adult actor and go through many milestones and then I will die and she will still be alive.
So we’re exploring the universe looking back in time, hoping to find intelligent life that can show us new technology for the future. ?
Was the biblical story of Johna and the Whale the first piece of vore?
Pet bats should be more of a thing.
When I see someone speeding and swerving through traffic I always assume they're rushing home to catch their spouse cheating after receiving a tip from a neighbor
Does ChristianMingle automatically set you as straight?
I wonder if the FBI men watching us through our cameras get scared when we drop our phones.
I've never consumed a grilled cheese sandwich, that had been prepared, on a grill.
If you prefer one kind of rice over another, you are “r(i)cist”
What if sleeping is just the loading screen of a simulation to create a new level(day)?
I would register and provided my CVS account at checkout to the cashier if the incentive was a shorter, coupon-free receipt.
Do Hair net makers wear hair nets?
A long long time ago, in the distant future, today is happening. The question is, are you going to do something that will be with remembering then?
How many genetic mutations are we currently treating as disorders, that actually are potentially evolutionarily advantageous?
My phone battery drains faster than my toilet flushing a 734 pounds of my shit
Is everyone that watches porn technically a voyeur?
If we feel warm is warm a feeling?
As a mother of 4 I have just about every gaming device but neve ever get to play them
When we eat chicken breast are we breastfeeding?
I wish I had realized as a kid that when I did anything wrong, other people didn't see it nearly as bad nor put the blame on me, "because I'm just a kid".
I don't laugh at sitcoms but love them anyways
Did I wash my armpit yet?
I have only now just realised that the kids birthday parties I went to with my parents were just an excuse for the parents to have a few drinks while the kids entertain themselves
Empty Airport buses that say "Dropping by off only" seem pointless to me
Airport buses that say "Dropping off only" if they're empty when will they ever pick up again?
I always chuckle when I see ads for “accurate” psychic readings. Why would you want inaccurate psychic readings?
Why don’t dogs like making eye contact when they poo