The invention of television to my parents is the invention of the internet to me
If Teddy Duchamp from Stand By Me was growing up today, he'd definitely be one of those UrbEx people who film themselves climbing skyscrapes and train surfing
You made it as a white person in America when you name your golden retriever after your boat
Maybe it was because I was raised Catholic and am used to saying "and also with you" whenever someone says "May the Lord be with you", but I feel that the correct response to a "TIL" post should be "TYL." to acknowledge that OP has learned something new on that given day.
When you like your own posts on facebook is equivalent to pleasuring yourself(choking the chicken)
Do crabs think that fish fly ?
Fat people must be pretty muscular since they're carrying all that excess weight around all day.
The idea that i will sometime in the future get injured haunts
Maybe I’m not even showering right now, maybe I’m just dreaming
When I think of myself looking cool, I imagine myself dancing?
Why can't numbers in sports be in hexadecimal digits? It's like decimal digits aren't even trying.
A shooting star is like a dream.
Abbreviation is an unnecessarily long word.
I bet 95% of the world's problems would be solved if people would stop being dickheads.
Your zodiac attributes should change depending on what hemisphere you were born in.
Going to the comments section of a Reddit post is like a news anchor going to the field reporter for "more on the story".
Target should not advertise at schools
In the Marvel Cinematic Universe, which includes characters from several other planets and galaxies, why is everyone able speak English?
I guess some people aren't lazy but rather overly optimistic.
This subreddit is like robloxs chat filter you have to avoid the deteceble words
Towels are just imitation tongues we use to groom ourselves
Is heavens no the opposite of hell yeah? Or is fire fly the opposite of waterfall.
We could probably get more buy-in if instead of calling it “Socialism” we called it “Being a Good Christian Society”
Donald Trump and Elon Musk must share the same twitter dispatcher.
Only 90's kids will remember that multiplayer back in the day meant fighting over the opposite sides of a keyboard with ur friend.
You could say “I need to work on my posture” right now, and everyone around you will straighten up.
You can replace the word ‘hammered’ in the sentence “I got absolutely hammered last night.” With almost any noun with an -ed on the end.
If pro is the opposite of con, then wouldn’t congress be the opposite of progress?
Movies always banish demons with fire rituals, even though fire should technically not harm something from “hell”. It’d be more effective to do rituals completely of water (no book burnings, sacrificial symbol shit)
Can pro-life vegetarians eat eggs?
If I have 1 Weetabix for breakfast, am I actually having a Weetabick?
Pretty often I get to the point that I say "Wait a minute, this shit sucks!" Sometimes after that I wonder how many times my ancestors had that same remarkable revelation.
My SmartWatch needs to start tracking where I left my glasses. I'd love a little treasure map with a homing beacon to X marks the spot... if I could see the map...
What if we're the Xenomorphs released by some Ancient civilization?
Why is dry ice specified to be “dry” if water is dry? If water is dry doesn’t that make all ice dry ice? Ice is wet and water is wet
As much as I love the verbal language it’s certainly not the most advantageous and efficient form of communication you can think of.
We should give green cards to the families we separated at the border.
Sh*t, the new shampoo is trash. Next time I will buy some other.
I wonder how many people who don't believe in god say thank god when something good happens.
When I was younger I thought putting reds in with my whites would be a much bigger deal than it is
What if working 9 to 5 meant 10:00AM-5:59 PM instead of 9:00AM-4:59PM
Can the process of having twins,triplets etc. be considered some sort of cloning?
For all I know, I am the only sentient person.
I wonder will kids in the future restore our generations pictures to remove filters and see what it actually may have looked like in our lifetime, similarly to our generation adding colour to our great grandparents generations photography
in 3rd grade i was programmed to "Say no to drugs" ..but, i was also placed on Methylphenadate Seroquel.. i wish the world could make up its mind.
Programs should ask to install updates when you close them and are finished using them, not when you open them.
If hand sanitizer kills 99.99% of germs, couldn't you just use it twice to kill 100% of germs?
If birds in the air appears to be flying to us, does a fish swimming in the water appear to be flying to a crab or any creature in the bottom of the ocean that can't swim?
We should get two days off for holidays: one to celebrate the holiday, and then the next day to recover from the hangover.
What if our teeth were constantly flaccid and only became hard when we got hungry?
Why isn't it more common for people to wash hands BEFORE they use the bathroom?
Mosquito day?
Imagine if men filled in their mustaches like women fill in their eyebrows?
What if you tried to bury water?
Pretty sure my parents broke multiple child labor laws as I was growing up.
What did Einstein's voice sound like?
why is my penis shaped like a WW II torpedo
What if North Korea demolished their underground testing area in order to keep something from escaping?
Most of my Under Armor apparel doesn’t go under anything.
New phones should come standard with 2 USB cords. Because lord knows we all need more than one
Is the richest person in the world technically living on maximum wage?
The only time I've ever worn a navy collared shirt is for work orientations.
If you fart with a closepin on your nose, and there is nobody around to smell it, does it stink?
It's like if every website and app where I ever created an account sent me a "user agreement updated" email during the last couple of weeks
The people who think that the fellowship of the ring should have used the eagles to fly the ring to Mordor, are probably also the people who would pull the lever after the DM directly asks them if they're sure they want to do that.
Why does shaving make your hair come back faster
I remember when I still had memories
Terry Crews is a great guy but he doesn't belong in me to movement. He actually dealt with it when it happened instead of waiting 20 years. He put his shit on the line.
Microsoft has had so many failures: the Zune, their phone, their OS (according to most who've used other OSs). Why are they still a thing?
Wedding planners exist, do funeral planners?
No one knows how to load a dishwasher except me
If today you are seen as a bad parent for allowing kids to use technology, what will become of the kids whose parents do not let them use any technology today in 30 years?
I'm starting to think that the response "Sure" is synonymous with "Yeah maybe go to hell".
People avoid dogs mouths because of where they've been. They should treat human hands no differently.
We should use logical thinking to think logically.
What if Adam Levine of Maroon 5 and Ted Levine (Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs) are secretly twin brothers?
Finding that one extra long hair on your leg is always more difficult than it should be
Are all terrain shoes a bad idea to use on Mars?
For how often it’s asked, “How’s my driving?” has to be one of the least answered questions ever.
Today, the response "Sure" is synonymous with "I'll do it maybe go to hell"
If Thanos were principled, there'd be a 50% chance he'd die with the snap. Marvel should have released two versions of the end of Infinity War. The sequel would involve alternate realities dealing with the consequences.
The last place you'd wanna be in an emergency is a shower.
The saying "if you look up
Are all posts considered to be on the front page now that Reddit has not pages?
How is it that you have all the best thoughts in the shower anyway?
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
If human beings had diagnostic codes like automobiles, then healthcare would be much simpler.
Puns are technically the best form of humor
I know this isn’t really a “shower thought” but I thought of this joke in the shower. So the first two farmers ever harvest a purple root vegetable, and one farmer asks the other “hey what is that” and since they’re the first farmers the other doesn’t know and says “I don’t know, beets me.”
When we see more than one goose, we say geese, so if we saw more than one moose, shouldn’t we say “meese”?
What if the unexplained pains we randomly feel from time to time is just the feeling of our alternate reality selves getting injured
People shouldn’t tolerate racists in general, not just white supremacists.
I feel for any ASL interpreters trying to get through Eminem’s Rap God.
The best things in life aren't things, they're boobs.
Robbin Hood was a communist
What if Kim Jong-un truly believes that everything is perfect in North Korea, just because his executive officers do their job so well.
It's really ironic that White Supremacists are being kicked out of restaurants and businesses, considering the history of racism in America.
All these businesses should say we won’t tolerate or serve racists. Not just white supremacists.
LESBIANS > STRAIGHT MEN: CHANGE MY MIND
Joey McIntyre is alive. But, if you see a picture of him, just barely. He looks like he could die at any moment. So I’m just saying, don’t take for granted that he exists in our world.
If Mars had a healthier “greenhouse belt” it could sustain Earth type life. What if that is what we have been doing all along but nobody dares admit we are parasites?
What we consider American food is a sandwich named after a German city, and a cut of fried potato with the word French right there in the name
If you eat yourself, would you be twice the size or disappear?
Dogs can go their entire lives without seeing the sky.
The last place I'd want to be in an emergency is a shower.
Every comment on here has its mean time to happen
Reddit is like politics; everyone has the right to vote, not everyone uses that right, and at the end of the day it doesn’t matter. The moderators (politicians) will do whats best for them to promote their narrative.
I perceive all hippopotamuses to be female, and believe this is all Fantasia's fault.
There are people who'd characterize these times as the worst theres ever been, but in 2030 there'll be teenagers claiming they were born in the wrong generation wishing they could live in the 2010s, if u have 90s nostalgia in just over a year the 90s will be viewed the same way we view the 80s today
If there is a God he must have a dark sense of humor for making the two largest religions believe they are the true faith and have the same holy land.
The food we consider "Arnerican" is a sandwich named after a German city and a cut of fried potato with French right there in the name.
When I two parts of a hive mind fuck, is that masturbation?
What if the main part of the meal was the bbq sauce and we just used chicken nuggets to scoop it into our mouths?
Netflix needs an "incognito" option so I can watch terrible movies without being recommended more terrible movies.
anyone ever wonder how spongebob rips his pants multiple times, and somehow, every time they’re no longer ripped?
Is life a dream and u wake up in hell
Is chrome in the computer, or on the computer?
If we cancel an Uber we have to pay $5, so if an Uber cancels on us shouldn’t we get $5?
When we say ‘sleep tight’ to someone we are wishing exactly the opposite of what a good night’s sleep should be, which is loose and relaxed
"Lost dog" signs should read "Runaway dog"
Is chrome in the computer or on the computer?
Could it be that all those art pieces that are one or two colors and sold for unimaginable amounts of money just a really clever way of laundering money¿?
If there was a Yelp for people, I’d be rated 1 Star : /
I've never seen a hashtag switch meanings as fast as #boycottabc.
Why do we have to die to, “look so peaceful?”
HQ Trivia alerts should notify you who the host will be for the next game.
If a customer needs a carry out, how do they get it into their house?
I wonder if colorblind people use “I don’t see in color” to appear more progressive than they really are?
I don’t think I’ve ever pressed 1 for more options.
I’ve never seen a slack trampoline mesh.
It just occurred to me that you "surf" because you're on the *surface* of the water
Where do hamsters live outside of pet stores???
Can you burn ash?
Bruh if i was one of those starving kids in Africa, me and Jesus squaring up when i see him, on God.
Vegeta always refers to himself as the "Prince of all Saiyans," but since his father was killed, Vegeta should technically be the king.
There should be system that tallies how many items the cashier scans in the 1-15 items only line up which charges the customer extra for any extra items scanned over 15.
'Precipitous' should be the adjective form of 'Precipitation'.
How many times is too many times to ask a girl out and get rejected?
If dogs have a “wet dog” scent to humans, do humans have a “wet human” scent to dogs?
Assassins always seem like super skilled people until I think how quickly I will eat free food
Just once, I’d like my sandwich to come out looking like what they have pictured on the menu board behind the counter.
What if instead of being half-horse and half-man at the waist, centaurs were men with horse skeletons
"I am Groot." can be rearranged to "Am I Groot?"
I haven't been sorry much in recent years, probably because I have been safe.
I wish I was as fat as I was the first time I thought I was fat
I don't understand why my car insurance requires a 10 character password, when all they can do is pay for the insurance
If my parents didn't have sex at the right time, I would be a completely different person.
If some people have globes on their desk, do Flat-Earthers have maps on their desks?
What if mutants like the X-men actually exist but one of them is so powerful he has the power to hide the presence of all mutants from humans.
Instead of going to a concert, just contact me to scream at you for 3 hours for $100
Instead of going to a concert, contact me and I'll scream at you for 3 hours for $100
Do things still have color if there is nobody to see it?
"Copypasta" is by far the awesomest word-you-kids-invented so thank you.
How many animals are currently inside of Hot Pockets right now?
I talk faster than I write, but I read faster than I listen
Do women get whiskey clit?
Isn't it too much?
Prisons should be Rehabilitation Institutes.
Its annoying when our character can't jump in a videogame, but how often do we do it in our day to day lives?
The words you write on Reddit will probably last a lot longer than you will. Your decedents may look at your account history to get an idea of what you were like.
Copypasta is by far the awesomest word-you-kids-invented so thank you.
James Gunn should have said those tweets were aimed at white people.
Would it be better if I showered with my glasses on so that they'd actually be cleaned for once?
When you drive into a sunset, doesn't that make the sunset faster?
Reddit is just one big comment section 🤯
Someone should invent a glass that automatically melts the ice inside once your drink is finished
You know you're a Reddit veteran when you can't read half a paragraph before checking the username to see if it's written by Shittymorph.
Bail is just a fancy name for ransom
Soap is just like a body eraser.
Heterosexual porn might be a god-sent for bisexuals
Enter and Return both mean the same key on the keyboard, but have almost opposite meanings in the English language
I should probably be doing sumner reading.
When you read a dictionary, you've technically read every book, the words are just laid out differently
Scientist should invent a device that records or makes you remember your dreams.
How many BTUs i wonder
You know the stereotype how women are always cold and need a man to keep her warm? Isn’t it fortunate we stay warm “down there” at all times?
Soap is a body eraser.
Buying clothes in Europe is the nightmare of most very overweight Americans
Don't borrow ruler from male classmates. Most of them have used the ruler to measure the length of their dicks without cleaning.
As long as stereotypes exist, racism will exist.
I think America is having civil war, but not in the traditional sense
The 2018 midterm elections are like hiring enough people to finally be the ones to say "You're fired" to Trump
r/Showerthoughts is a goldmine for stand-up comedy routines
If Disney fired James Gunn for a 10-year old tweet, they should also refund all profits from the first two movies.
It’s not illegal until the cops show up
Pure bread is just a name for dogs that people use to charge more money.
There are no blind people on reddit.
This subreddit is a goldmine for stand-up comedy routines
"Double" mattresses should be renamed to "Jack". Then the sizing would be King, Queen, Jack, Twin (10).
You cant make a 'P' sound longer.
Why do we call Greek Gods mythology, but Christian’s God religion?
Napping Centers
Whoever first called the Reddit points system "Karma" missed out on the opportunity to call it "Reddit Creddit."
Why do people say they're taking a shit, when it's pretty much the exact opposite?
I wish I could remember to be thankful for every morning I wake up feeling normal.
Used to think to myself, "At least I'm not getting shot at. At least I'm not walking through a mine field. At least I'm not in a trench." With age comes wisdom though. Now I think," At least I'm not sucking dick for beer money." So, there's that.
I feel like the second person to be bit in a zombie apocalypse would be going “ Hey that's a pretty realistic costume!” before being bitten.
Labs before time is incorrectly titled... I mean it all took place in time
I feel every family has that white fridge from between 1994-2006 in their garage that they replaced with a modern one, but refuse to get rid of because it's great for storing and freezing drinks.
You cant do the "kiki challenge" in a manual car.
Right now, you are older than you ever was in your life, still you won't ever be this young again.
How are seedless grapes grown?
If zombies occur by being bitten by a zombie, where did the first zombie come from?
Floccinaucinihilipilification is the act of estimating something as worthless, although all those extra letters are pretty worthless.
I wish Boxing was allowed at the Special Olympics
Its happened to almost everyone to think we'll never find someone as amazing as our ex. But if its happened to so many people, either the majority of people are amazing or infatuation blinded your judgement.
There could have been someone worse than Hitler or Stalin but a time traveller went back and stopped them being born and we'll never know.
If you steal a Tesla, does it become an Edison?
"Anus" would be a great name if it didn't mean what it means
We know how dinosaurs structured looked like but do we actually know how they looked // sounded like?
Mods are asleep. Upvote my empty thoughts.
In 1986 a horror film called Maximum Overdrive was released, where cars came to life and ran people over. 30 years later it happened.
Collusion sounds like such a legal term I feel like everybody's surprised to learn it isn't a crime.
For how commercial and how product-advertisement forced the USA is, it’s the only (one of?) place sports don’t ruin their kits with sponsors.
The next Hitler will probably be a failed youtuber
If you put two pieces of bread on the outside of a sandwich (which already has bread), is it a sandwich sandwich or is it just a sandwich?
When you swallow saliva, does it count as drinking?
If Thanos snapped half of this universe, that means nothing has changed in the rest of the multiverse and everything is still unbalanced!
As much as everyone hates mosquitos hospitals should run a campaign like "Fuck mosquitos. Donate your blood.".
The Mad Titan T. only snapped this universe, so the rest of the multiverse is still unbalanced!
We call Greek Gods mythology but Christianity’s God religion. When both have the same evidence.
I should probably get out now
Thanos only snapped half of this universe, not the multiverse... So actually nothing's balanced!
The sun is mean.
People are always complaining about the star signs and how they look nothing like what their supposed to; What if the stars the greeks saw died in all of this time?
People are battling AI through chess and go, and Im struggling to repost without the automod busting over and over.
Happy Days was filmed 20 years after the 50s. That 70's Show was filmed 20 years after the 70's.
Is 'Happy Hour' alliteration?
The saying "nou" is the same upside down
Trump is indirectly responsible for more Star Trek as w/out Trump being such a shitty leader, Patrick Stewart probably wouldn't have ever come back as Picard.
Even though i’m 30, i can’t get over the fact there’s a planet called Uranus
What if psychology and paranormal are two branches that are trying to explain same thing, using two distinct angles/explanations?
Joining the military is seen as a patriotic act, but in reality a majority of people join because its their only option.
Bathtubs are glorified sinks.
The people who say karma will repay those who have afflicted them fail to realise that the same concept of karma has afflicted them also
Respiration turns an organic molecule and oxygen into carbon dioxide and water, so isn't it just combustion in the human body?
If boiling the meat of the calf in the mother's milk is not kosher, what does that make bread-battered chicken?
The best gypsy curses are for mundane inconviences that the cursed probably wouldn't have noticed until it was brought to their attention.
We call the most aggressive and dangerous bees Africanized, and no one seems to have a problem with it.
Farts are technically gaseous poop
Carpeted bathrooms were a terrible idea.
Being healthy is pretty much committing suicide by old age
A group of white boys should be called a khaki.
There are quite a few names that can with either a G or J like Gorge and Jeffrey, but this never applies to John and James.
The government is freaking out about 3d printed guns when it's been possible to make guns out of a pipe and nail for the last 100 years
I want a movie made like Hot Tub Time Machine, except it's Hot Tub High Machine and it's about Danny McBride getting so stoned in a hot tub he travels back in time. His younger self is played by Joel from the CustomGrow420 YouTube channel.
I wonder how many of my stupid conversations with Customer Service have been used for “training purposes”.
If you are already dead inside, is it considered suicide?
Time Travel Possible
We call it ‘dark’ and ‘white’ chocolate because ‘black’ chocolate might be problematic and ‘light’ chocolate could imply positive health implications