Why is the sky blue? To much the eyes of the aryans
If a police dog lets you go does that make him a cool cop?
Every time I see a kid doing a Fortnite dance, I’m happy with my decision to never play that game.
I know I took a good shit when I walk out of the bathroom with only one sleeve rolled up
I think the problem is we don't live long enough as a species to make us care enough to take care of things.
I Wonder if Panhandling is Banned in Oklahoma
I wonder what it is the 1% are doing or feel that they are doing, which could possibly make everybody else’s suffering worth it.
Is the panic and sadness that people feel when their dog runs away the human equivalent to what dogs feel when their human leaves the house without them?
"I've thought of everything" is usually only said when everything hasn't been thought of.
What if 'Let The Bodies Hit The Floor' and 'It's Raining Men' are about the same event, but from different perspectives?
If you are overseeing something, nothing should be overlooked.
I wonder
I’ve never met a person who gets more upset at a persons death in a movie than a dogs death.
A game developer releasing level editors is basically like a bus driver throwing his hands up, saying, "Fine, I don't know, you try!" and getting off the bus.
If Cinderallas shoe fit so perfectly, why did it fall off?
As a sci-fi nerd, I wonder if I should perhaps start keeping track of sports events, in case I ever got sent back in time...
I wonder if I’m the only one that gets a sense of self-righteous superiority when I’m standing at a business counter and I step around the counter to throw away a gum wrapper? I’m not littering AND it looks like I belong.
Do rich people cook using natural spring water vs tap?
Apartments makes no grammatical sense. It should be Partments.
I think the first person to say "you can't bullshit a bullshitter" was just trying to bullshit a bullshitter and managed to pull it off.
If butts are disgusting, my uncle must be filthy
Being sad is a manipulative way of saying I’m lazy
Soccer fans should crowdfund a commercial where players who take dives are shamed during the World Cup Final
Rather than fearing workforce automation, we should strive for a world where everyone isn't required to work.
My husband asked me if we were invited to Grandma's house..
I dont know if I still have conditioner in my hair, or its just silky smooth
What if the light at the end of the tunnel is just us being birthed again
Grocery stores should sell meal kits just like the companies do through the mail
Whenever I see police car parked outside a takeaway shop I assume there's veebya robbery but they're probably just getting lunch.
I wonder how dogs measure the attractiveness of other dogs...
Battle Royale is currently the most popular gaming format because we're out here fighting each other - I feel attacked therefore I'm going to attack you.
If hot girls can have a sex toy party, than ugly guys should be able to.
I wonder what it was like to live in the early 2000s when you could sort your friends list alphabetically.
Talking to your clone would be like talking to a mirror because their brains would emit the same types of brain waves at the same time as yours does so it would be a really long ‘stop mimicking me’ argument
Why is the number 3 the only odd number that is as satisfying as an even number?
You ever wonder if you died at some point and this current life is your punishment?
It should be easier to touch your right shoulder with your right palm.
Dark Matter?
Toby from the office, Todd from Community, Jerry from RicknMorty, Sweet Dee (arguably) - the eye roll inducing character the others all hate together but for no legit reason other than vague/harmless/common character flaws...what is that trope saying about human behavior?
What if Rick Sanchez had gone by Dick instead? He'd become PICKLE DICK!!!
I wonder if dogs think or trees as just really big sticks.
Is tea just mulled water?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
Why didn't Ed Sheeran use "eternity" instead of "seventy" in Thinkin Out Loud
I wonder if news sites and celebrities know that when they use a meme it spells the end for the meme.
God could not have created the sun on the 4th day if it was impossible for days to pass before.
I hope 2018 becomes the year of women showing their boobs at sporting events instead of the year of celebrity suicides.
If you don't lose your virginity due to anal, are gay men virgins?
Being in a locker room is like going to the subway at midnight. You should be safe, but you never know if someone is going to whip their dick out.
What if animals can speak in other planets because theyve captured human souls leaving this human planet? And it has no awareness of a previous human life?
It should be teethpaste instead of toothpaste
Camp should be designed to emulate fire in the dark so that campers won’t have to afraid of dangerous animal
Is Florida shaped like a handgun on purpose?
What if anyone who actually found/captured credible proof of paranormal activity was just taken by whatever they captured proof of? What if we only have blurry photos and shaky videos circulating the internet because thats the best someone could get without disappearing.
Learning to type in school felt at the time pretty mundane. It turned out to be one of the best things I ever learned.
I used to use the internet to look up cheat codes for games. Now I use it to look up cheat codes for websites to get discounts.
People like me more when I'm drunk not because I'm more likeable but because others around me are also drunk and have poorer judgment and lower standards
I'll never figure out how the Harry potter directors predicted that those kids would grow up to be hot
In the past people generally married at a much younger age. Considering their stricter no sex till marriage morals.. People probably married young because they wanted to hit it 👀 can't tell me it aint a factor haha
When deciding on a contact number for emergency services, why did they choose the two numbers that are opposite from each other on a dial pad?
What if oxygen really are poisonous and it just takes around 70-100 years to kill us
What if
I guess we didn't make this up. Now, ni bo wo Fe re?
When you are drunk and there is an earthquake......was there really an earthquake???
When A.I. wakes up and becomes self-aware, anyone who abuses and insults bots, automods and other automated devices will be the first to know.
People who were born early can ne er truthfully say, "I was born ready"
I wonder, if I were on death row and I chose to eat a big bowl of salt as my last meal, would it get approved?
I’d have less anxiety if I could see my future. Take all the anxiety inducing unknowns out of the equation like car horns or asteroids
I wonder how long a whale has to swim around to find something to scratch an itch with.
Next time there's a widely-covered disaster and the Red Cross gets way more blood donations than they can use, they should release an app that reminds you to give blood at a random time in the next year.
Does soap smell like cilantro, or does cilantro smell like soap?
Tanning salons are one of the few (if not only) businesses that are *essentially* only for white people.
It feels like there's a "once in a lifetime" eclipse or meteor shower every single year
It’s strange to think about the fact that different words rhyme in different languages
The action: 'Punishable by fine' basically means 'Legal for rich people'
How come USB-C didn't get named USC?
Used to sneak out of my house to go to parties, now I sneak out of parties to go to my house.
Isn’t it ironic how we use unboxing videos to properly re box our stuff
It's funny how kids have to make sure that a video they're showing their parents doesn't have swear words
People who live in communist countries can’t use the “it’s a free country” argument.
What If electronic devices were created by glasses & contacts manufacturers to make more money?
What if there is a secret room in my house that I don't know of?
As soon as I stopped growing, I started dying...
If death is the only permanent thing in life then permanent markers should be called long lasting temporary markers.
If I floated in the air for 12 hours would I be on the other side of the world?
Doesn't putting "not clickbait" on a youtube video title make it more clickbait?
If you leave a subreddit because it is growing toxic, you just contributed to it becoming more toxic
Most Americans have said the Pledge of Allegiance over 2000 times
Downloading an app on your smartphone to order a pizza is kind of redundant.
With global warming changing the climate, pretty soon people will be taking vacations where the weather is cooler vs tropical locations. Alaska will be the new vacation hot spot.
Since the jokes on /r/jokes are reposts, how in hell did they get on there in the first place.
Bill Clinton was impeached for obstruction of justice, and charges of perjury.
There is one word that will save world
USB-C should've been named USC
When the last thing alive in the entire universe dies, it should be considered the Death of Death.
If finding out that "gnosiophilia" means "sexually attraction to knowledge" makes you hot, you probably have gnosiophilia
"Gnosiophilia" means "sexual attraction to knowledge." If finding that out makes you hot, you have it.
It’s strange that diabetes sounds like DIET BEAT US if you say it over and over again.
Most people in the US have said the Pledge of Allegiance over 2000 times
If DJ Khaled lost a bunch of weight he could change his name to DJ salad and it would sound the exact same on all his songs.
Pens that had images of women slowly ‘undressing’ as you turned them upside down were probably the first sight of a naked woman for many men born pre 1980.
It’s sad that the pens that had images of women slowly ‘undressing’ as you turned them upside down were the earliest pornography for anyone born pre 1980.
My parents telling me to create my own Netlfix profile so they stop getting recommendations for shows related to Bojack Horseman and Star Trek is like the 21st century equivalent of gearing up to kick me out of the house.
Instead of a car alarm that just beeps, it should also read out the number plate. That way, whoever owned the car would know it is theirs, instead of everyone just ignoring it.
I wish the old lady on my bus, who constantly complains about phones killing society, knew how many people I’m able to connect with on my phone.
Being on the front page of a newspaper is either a really good thing or a really bad thing.
Pedophiles and rapists are not allowed in heaven.
Elon Musk might be boring tunnels on earth because he wants to bore tunnels on Mars to live in
A ton of dead people shared my birthday
Blue raspberry isn't an actual fruit, so what if blue raspberry flavour is actually blueberry and raspberry flavour just shortened to blue raspberry
Does it really matter if google can upload a million links or more, related to your google search, in under a half second if you never go past the first page of the search results?
I’m all about trying to lose weight when I’m not hungry.
I’m much the same way that we all must grow up one day and accept that we are responsible for our own lives, so too must an intelligent race eventually admit responsibility for its own existence. ❤️
How does everyone know I'm high?
Do you Know the Power of Acquiese?
What if alien abductions are just intergalactic wildlife protection captures?
I think I need some more shampoo.
Why is there krazy glue if there is no sane glue
I can't wait until I'm an "older gentleman" selling a cool car.
I've never actually hit my alarm clock like they do in the movies.
Fries should never be sweet
I cannot remember a time I've ever washed my elbows
In th future the male argument “I’m not a mind reader” wont hold up.
Mosquitoes should suck fat instead of blood.
As a parent of napping kids, I often think "why didn't I take naps back when I was a carefree adult?" before remembering that, oh yeah, before kids you don't need a nap.
Marvel should film 20 or 30 Stan Lee scenes to use in future movies.
In the Pokémon universe, are humans also Pokémon but in denial?
What constellations are visible in the celestial spheres of alien planets?
Something can be evoked, invoked, provoked, or revoked, but can anything just be voked?
For all you vegens and vegetarians I would like to inform you that plants are alive too and have to be killed to be eaten, So where is the line drawn?
Do pets think we’re their master or their servant?
Trapezoid or cantaloupe? I ask many random questions and I need answers
What if dogs want to play catch instead of fetch and we're just being jerks to them by throwing the ball as far as possible
I’m glad we sleep with our eyes closed because imagine a mosquito bite on your eyeball.
Shouldn't a gym membership be a part of healthcare?
Something grows/lives for a long period of time in order for me to get a few hours of energy by eating it.
Healthcare should include a gym membership.
I would 100% be a cat person if they walked on 2 legs
When a fly hits a mirror, does it think it just managed to crash headfirst into another fly?
I always thought dive bars were where scuba people went.
I wonder if a FTM transgender person ever married a MTF transgender person
We use the phrase: "They were human" to describe people who have made mistakes in their lives. We should hold "being human" to a higher standard.
If you eat your own stomache, where does it go?
My parents should've known I would be an underachieving stoner when i picked Michaelangelo as my favorite Ninja Turtle.
Birth and Death dates should be inscribed upon our skeletons to benefit future research.
What if bugs like 'whoosh' of us swatting at them so they keep buzzing in the same place for more, like an air ride?
Patrons should be allowed to inspect kitchens of restaurants themselves before they decide to eat there.
You don't really feel old until you hear a news report about something that happened 30 or 40 years ago, and you think, damn that was in my lifetime.
If you’re a psychiatrist/psychologist, can you diagnose yourself?
The harder one tries to think of something witty to say, the less amusing that thing is.
The letter "і" is the letter "l" with an extra dot, while the letter "l" is the letter "і" with an extra dot.
What if UFOs were Time Traveling Drones? The reason why we don't see them as often, is because we now document everything so well.
I bet someday we find out that all the UFO sightings were just first generation quadcopters.
If Kanye West was called Kanye East then he might go by 'Yeasty'
Tapping someone on the shoulder means a very different thing when driving.
All of the water waisted while thinking about this sub reddit. It could probably save a Third world country...
Copyright is just a legalized finders keepers
Pimples, warts, etc. on your face & body are basically cesspools stuck in your skin
Failing to comment on a new post that later becomes front page material is like turning down the ugly girl that later becomes a hottie.
Who puts the presents under the tree?
There is an infinite amount of units, but also an infinite amount of tens. Even though there are ten times as much units as tens.
Airport bathrooms probably have the most diverse collection of food on the planet.
Las Vegas has a giant pyramid and sphinx, a palace for Julius Caesar, musical fountains, a zoo of albino animals, a theme park on top of a skyscraper, legal weed, lots of casinos, sex workers everywhere.
I wonder how often my dog would give me treats if he had them
I’m a compulsive liar
Shampoo is shampoo, but body soap is also shampoo, considering it also cleans hairs
Emperor Palpatine names his apprentices like the US names hurricanes, alphabetical order starting with himself (Darth Sideous, Darth Tyrannus, Darth Vader)
Transitioning from twitter to reddit is analogous to transitioning from a cancer support group to a fight club.
Why call it the palate when it is the tongue that is doing the tasting.
You can say “I’m going to pick up some milk”, or “I’m going to pick some milk up”, or “I’m going to pick up Jim”, or “I’m going to pick Jim up”, and you can say “I’m going to pick him up”, but not “I’m going to pick up him”
If you think hating people because of their race is bad, then you should never do it.
If Satan is portrayed as the ultimate bad guy, then why isn’t he having rad parties with al the other bad guys in hell instead of punishing them for doing wat he likes?
Why is there a setting on a toaster that will burn toast? Shouldn’t it stop when bread is perfectly toasted?
There shouldn’t be an option on toasters that lets you burn toast. It should stop once your bread is perfectly toasted
Mattress Firm has the most counter-productive name on the planet.
Action movie heroes are particularly poorly served in later sequels by their reticence to murder the families and children of the villains and innocent bystanders they just killed.
The ability to chew with only half of your mouth is underrated
We should give spiders more recognition for killing annoying flying insects in our house
Jack must have been a pretty horny dude for his name to become a synonym to beating it.
All of the water wasted thinking about r/Showerthoughts while actually in the shower...
showerthoughts should not be:
I feel like the sizes of our daily meals is reversed. You should start off the day with a big meal to keep you going and end with a small meal before bed.
When someone says "Asian" my mind usually goes to China/Japan/Korea, when it could also be Russia/India/Iran.
What lifeforms will be fueled by the fossils of humans?
I call it, "Eye Witness."
If god is everywhere and he knows everything ahead of time wouldn't he know that not all people will be religious? Then isn't that unfair to send people to hell in the first place?
Still believing in God at this point is like still believing Santa Claus is real.
As a kid I was practicing my knot tie ing skills, as a dad I'm practicing my knot untie ing skills
If Trump legalized weed in attempt to get more votes for a 2nd term, I'd bet we'd get some pretty dank memes...
Nothing overcomes the feeling of soap in your eyes and you can't curse because your mouth is full of foam...
If Barack Obama was born in Kenya, he could have become their first white president
In-ear earphones should be colored-coded so you don't have to figure out which ear to insert them into.
God is actually just threee smaller gods stacked in a trench coat
Horrible and horrific are similar, so why are terrible and terrific complete opposites?
The government essentially made an investment when they paid for our primary education. They hoped that paying a little early on would motivate us to go onto college and become professionals so they could earn all the money back in tax dollars.
At thirst it feels weird when you think about naming your child after a color, yet someone at some point in time thought it would be a great idea to name their daughter Violet and people liked it.
If I turn my pants inside out, do I suddenly have the world in my pants?
If there is an infinite amount of parallel universes, there must be a possibility that this one was created by a god.
The shower thoughts auto-moderator doesn't understand humor and therefore should not moderate. That is my shower thought.
'Extraordinary' means the exact opposite of 'Extra ordinary'
If most businesses draw a line in invisible through hundred dollar bills, how come all the bills don’t already have lines drawn on them?
Is human flesh considered as white or as red meat?
If 9k people upvote this, odds are one will die from a car accident within a year
Bangladeshi teenage students having to protest against their government for safe roads feel completely absurd until you realize American teenage students having to against their government protest for safe schools.
Reddit could one day be the only trace of our time a d we will seem like fucking idiots.
Every odd number has the letter E in it.
I wonder if in the future people will be good to each other? Not just good, great!... It will be made mandatory. AI takes over and imposes it's superiority through advanced human weakness exposure technology...
How long do you think someone has to have lived/worked abroad before you consider them legit cultured in that place?
Imagine how many Taco Bell tacos you’ve ate.
a dick pic should be called a dicture
I was shot at, house robbed, lost my bestfriend to a bullet, girlfriend cheated on me and left me .. This is my story . I love you all link below . (shower thoughts 🎶)
Liberals complain about Trump's "fake news" rhetoric but they themselves started it with "Faux News".
Even though you're in alcohol anonymous, they still make you say your name
Websites are being slowing down due to usage of new technologies (including Reddit) that soon all, so called $2000 FaceBook machines, will have to be updated anyway.
The word sup upside down is dns
Dipshit is one of the sweetest swear words you can call someone
If clothing companies made clothes with rips in it then they should make clothes would stains on it so "messy eaters" would feel bad about spilling sauce on their top
You know how in winter, it gets so cold that you think you’ll never be hot again? And then in summer, it gets so hot that you think you’ll never be cold again? I think that’s how it is with feelings. Like when you’re sad you think you’ll never be happy, and when you’re happy you think you’ll never
The only time the word “incorrectly” isn’t spelled incorrectly is when it’s spelled incorrectly.
If a glass cup is called a glass why is a plastic cup not called a plastic.
Most of the people on Reddit complaining about "kids these days" posts will eventually do the same thing when they're older.
Imagine how big Clifford would be if he knew how much children loved him
You’re fingers have names but you’re toes don’t
You need a drivers license to buy alcohol, but you can’t drink and drive...?
If you had a dream about dreaming of a dream you've dreamed before, are you dreaming about the dream you're dreaming?
the worst smell is a strong woman fart
None of the judges on America’s Got Talent are American
You would think it's weird if you hear that some people name their children after colors. Yet it feels normal if a girl is called Violet.
Why is spongebob the main character when patrick is a star?
Why aren't all safes shaped like explosives?
The goal of gold is to play the least amount of golf?
Phones should just record in landscape no matter the orientation
Every pro-life individual should adopt 2 kids to put their money where their mouth is.
If we're all Toys R Us kids and they went out of business, does that make us orphans?
I’m honestly quite surprised rubber bands haven’t caught on as a fidget toy
The sad truth is that my funeral will have more attendees and probably be more fun than any of my adult birthday parties.
I just wish that I still had a Xanga.
When a person says, "My brain can't comprehend that," instead of "I can't comprehend that," is it precision or avoidance of responsibility?
What if the whole "life flashing before your eyes" thing, is just your consciousness being uploaded to the cloud
Is the reason why there’s no blood in Star Wars because getting hit by a laser instantly cauterizes the wound?
All safes should be shaped like dangerous explosives.
Wouldn’t the first religion created, be the correct one ?
I bet your average young stoner doesn't even know what do with two knives.
I really love being human.
How does dust accumulate on a fan that runs 24/7?
If the world really is flat, then what is on the other side?
If a person says my brain can't comprehend that, instead of I can't comprehend that, is it precision or avoidance of responsibility?
Why do we feel more naked in just socks than when we're completely naked?
Wouldn't a 100% satisfaction guarantee negate a refund?
Natural peanut butter should come in short, extra-wide jars to facilitate easier stirring.