If energy cannot be created or destroyed, then what happens when the universe dies and everything rips apart into darkness? Is it just a void of no energy or a canvas full of energy, ready to explode into a new big bang?
When a person says 'my brain can't comprehend that,' instead of 'I can't comprehend that,' is it precision or avoidance of responsibility.
The company that I used to work at had a motto: It doesn't get any better than this. They were right .I quit.
This whole time I thought I liked eggs. But I really dont.
If someone cuts you dick off in the matrix, does your dick fall off in real life?
People say your life flashes before your eyes when you die, what if each deja vu moment you have is one for those “flashes” that youre going to be seeing ?
Before internet porn, I’ll bet most people couldn’t spell “amateur” correctly.
I have accepted the fact that I hate gay people. Any thoughts?
Is the past tense form of greet “Groot”?
How do you explain being high to someone who’s never been high?
If animals have souls. Thank god I'm not going to heaven. Theres probably a lot of mosquitos up there.
What if the reason we forget is because we're in a simulation and it doesn't have enough storage to store all our memories?
If Tomato's are fruits does that make Tomato Sauce a smoothie?
As I wipe this quadrant of the counter-top a 3rd time...
Every public restroom should have wifi
Are Frogs that Fight Bullfrogs Considered Matadors?
I miss people the most when I’m with them.
I wonder how many people have bought a skin on fortnite because they feel the ‘no skin’ is mocked
In prison, how do you deal with watery diarrhea when you have to shit in front of everyone?
I don’t see “tossed salads” on many menus these days, probably because of Chris Rock.
I would love to see Conan continue in Anthony Bourdain's path of travel, he would be a worthy host.
If having two left feet in dancing is bad...what about having two right feet?
Do dogs think they're taking their humans for a walk instead of being taken on one?
My parents taught me how to lie, especially to kids.
Dying is bad. People should stop dying.
If midnight snacks are bad then why does the fridge have a light?
Why do so many people specify “assless chaps” when all chaps are assless? If they had asses, they’d be pants.
i need to know..
Apple Music should have a feature where if you are listening to an album on shuffle you can see what songs have been played. Then you could add them back into the shuffle so that they play again later, so you could have your favourite songs appear more often.
I don't know how many napkins I get from any restaurant I frequent, it tends to vary but it's always just the right amount.
Shows, movies and memes constantly joke about clearing the good ol' browser history, haven't they learned about incognito mode?
Is stale just over ripened for non plant foods?
If people ate monkeys, would that make us cannibals?
I think all athletes should be forced to take performance enhancing drugs. Then, each sport produces amazing results, and we never have to worry whether or not people are cheating.
My Wife is always right, and I am always wrong. So, if I repeat what my wife says, am I right or wrong?
Tube with mirror walls inside, what would you see?
I am extremely eager to put my mouth on my girlfriend’s vagina, but I won’t pickup a tampon wrapper in a unisex bathroom.
If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?
Identical twins may never who is who in the photos taken together. Like, is that me or is that you. Imagine the baby photos and the photos when they are old enough to drink. Assuming they wear the same clothing and everything.
What if when you die, you remain in a permanent dream, so the life u are living now is only the dream of a dead person
Do different breeds of dogs bark in different language?
What got named first egg or eggplant?
What if deaf people sometimes confuse people yawning for screaming?
Is the German stereotype so serious and strict because Germany fought and lost two World Wars?
I stared at it for 1 long minute
If people are going to say "No Offence", you should expect something offensive.
Barbers and hair salons should only play music with interesting bass lines so people can always hear part of the song.
What if the guy from Sister Wives had all of his wives leave him, sticking him with over 20+ children, and a reality show about him now as a highly single father.
feminine products should have a husband symbol on the box. a simple colored shape in the corner so a wife can tell him to pick up the "blue square" or "orange diamond"
What if all Polar bears are just albino Black bears?
They say their will always be someone better than you no matter how good you are, but who is the best?
They should make a Kill Bill spin off where Vernitas daughter seeks revenge again The Bride and her daughter.
I bet Preachers hate Lionel Richie's song 'Easy (like Sunday morning)'
The World Cup makes me grateful that time units are universal around the world
My entire existence is just a series of me prolonging the inevitable... until it’s not.
Bill Cosby? Why not pill Cosby?
Do women with silicone boobs still get mammograms?
The same people who are adamant and vocal that they do not want kids can not understand why I am equally adamant about not wanting a cellphone.
I wonder if deaf people sometimes confuse people yawning for screaming.
Love is associated with hearts because for the longest time, those experiencing strong emotions believed it came from the heart as they felt theirs beat faster. Now that we know better, shame that "I Brain You" doesn't have the same ring to it as "I Heart You".
People always use the term "theres always a bigger fish". But who has no fish? Someone has to be the biggest fish. Who is that?
What if the big bang is the universe ending
I should get a chair in here.
I thought that I was a good guitarist, but I realised that I'm just good at imitating others work
Are windshields glasses for your car, or are glasses windshields for your eyes?
What if we're all living in a computer simulation and all the supernatural stuff that some people experience are just the glitches.
"I can't drive a stick" would be the end of all getaway attempts in real life
Foo Fighter?
Spotify should let you set an enter and exit time for songs so you could be your own DJ.
To stay logical, sates with seatbelt laws should outlaw motorcycles.
Machiavelli's ancestors should sue Merriam-Webster for defamation.
Do people still dial 411 to find a phone number?
I might be stupid but why is Coconut water not Coconut juice? Is it because it’s not a fruit or is it a fruit? Or is it a nut?
I drive more carefully with a pizza in my car than I do with a person.
If there are multiple universes with multiple versions of me, I wonder where this me's life would rank on the list.
Logically, states with seatbelt laws should ban motorcycles.
I imagine being a seagull is pretty rad because it's basically it's basically endless fries and permission to scream whenever you want
I wonder how good the cookies would be if I removed all the cookie dough from cookie dough ice cream and cooked them.
How much money would it take to fund every business idea you've ever had?
How can Lebron be better than Jordan if he isn’t even better than Kobe?!?
How do plastic shopping bags know how to mess with me the way they do
I just want to make enough money so that "adding avocado" isn't even a question
Why do most houses put the silverware drawer above the trash?
I want to clock people in the jaw when they push and then correctly guess a surprise I had in front of everybody.
What do ampersor and ampersimplies look like?
What if "common sense" is actually knowledge we've accumulated through experiences in past lives, and people who have less common sense are just newer souls?
If there is a fine line between genius and insanity and if genius is hitting a target no one else can see. Then wouldn't insanity be missing a target no one else can see?
Ever wonder how being overweight as a human is frowned upon but being overweight as a cat is considered adorable?
We should be able to write off what we tip (to servers, etc.) on our taxes.
Any Chance that Hollywood can make a movie about everything being 1?
I love my child so much. Screw people because she's the greatest friend the universe has to offer. Feels good.
I'm worried that in the future feminists will force us to stop calling dogs 'Good Boy'.
Easy There Chedda Your Getting All Cheesy On Me
Now that LGBTQ+ has a + to cover "everything else", wouldn't the + include straight people?
Please help, My dog (Border Collie) in pain
If companies are treated as people, can they adopt children?
Isn't it strange how we are happy to drive in metal cases, but don't want to live in one?
If pinocchio said “my nose will now grow”, his nose wouldn’t grow because the magic wouldn’t care about such an arbitrary statement.
My ass smells like shit.
Why aren't breathalyzers just a standard feature in every manufactured car?
How many frames per second /FPS does a human see?
If Xmas is pronounced “Christmas,” should we pronounce xylophone “Christylophone”?
Be there or be square, because you're square if you're not around.
When humans are able to upload their conscious to a computer, there should be a snooze timer selection that reads: when I'm not high.
The word “approximately” just feels like it should be shorter.
Any word can be a noun if you acknowledge it as a word
Maybe the reason that so many modern athletes are young isnt because older people are less capable. Maybe its just because the youth generally have more free time to persue interests
I have seen more people mentioning their girlfriends in posts since that one guy pointed out you get more upvotes by doing so
If zombie movies took place on the 1800's, then people knowing nothing about zombies would actually make sense.
If Satan found a magic lamp and wished to win the war against heaven, would it work? What would his other two wishes even be after that?
In my life, I have never washed my body before washing my hair.
General grievous's arch nemesis should be general quadriplegic
Country music stars all have stripper names.
If the US were to tax religion, they should give 100% to science, so we can find some real answers.
Maybe the reason that so many modern athletes are young isnt because older people are less capable. Maybe its because the youthful generally have more free time to persue interests
I hope Sean Connery never invites someone to sit on his face.
Isn't it weird that we can put beef in the microwave, but beef contains iron?
Never understood Brail on drive through ATM’s, I mean, if they navigated their way there, I’m betting they can nail a 4 digit code...
If Adolf hitler were canadian would he be called ehdolf hitler?
If zombie movies took place in the 1800's, then the whole "nobody knows anything about zombies" trope would actually work.
Would penetration of an artificial intelligence's security be considered hacking, breaking and entering, or rape?
If a steady flow of snot means your nose is running, would a slow drip be jogging and a sneeze be a sprint?
Is Islam is the religion of peace then shouldn’t Islamic extremists be extremely peaceful?
I'm nowhere near skilled enough to be an official astronaut, but if NASA offered to send me to the ISS just to give the real astronauts back/foot rubs I'd go in a heartbeat.
If i like everything, do i like nothing?
I usually don't realize that what someone said was a pun until they say "no pun intended"
They say time heals everything. I wonder if in the future space will heal things too.
Someone weighing 100 pounds eats a 5 pound steak, does that make them 5% cow?
I want somebody to talk about me and my body like Guy Fieri talks about food.
Karma is a currency we can give endlessly just not to ourselves.
The first to successfully market a beauty product that combines the words "sham" + "poo" in its name must have been very convincing.
I'm sure immortality would be fun if other people where immortal too, tolerable people that is🤔 the good kind that could be appreciated.
Facebook is like having a conversation with your friends and having 800 people watch.
In both English and Chinese you can’t be sure of what a word means or how to pronounce it unless you’ve seen it before. (Even though English has 26 letters instead of 5000+ characters)
Why do shampoo manufacturers make their shampoo and conditioner bottles identical, and make the font size for the most important piece of information, whether it is shampoo or conditioner, the smallest on the bottle? The shower is the one place in my day to day life I can't wear my glasses.
Pardon the interruption, but you could you pass me some lean and white china? Damn!
Why don’t people who are being suffocated by a plastic bag just rip open a hole at their mouth area?
For those rich enough to end world hunger several times over, why not just do it to be remembered as the person who ended world hunger?
Democracy fails when the education system is broken. Uneducated voters make poor choices. Democratic systems can’t work without a rock solid education system that meets the needs of every student.
Some askreddits just sound like journalists looking for material
There are stereotypes about bad drivers originating from every U.S. State, to the point where you can say something like “typical [insert state name] driver” about any state and get a similar response.
Do Asian people see life in a wider aspect ratio?
It’s weird to think in the 1950’s sitting in the back of the bus had an extremely negative connotation, but in elementary to high school it was the coolest spot to sit.
The best way to know if an actor is actually famous is if you know them as their actual name instead of just the characters they've played.
There's a D in the word "Fridge," but not in the word "Refrigerator."
If bouts of rain are called "Showers", why aren't floods called "Baths"?
Only white people have been to the Moon!
At some point in time, someone had a shower thought to invent showers instead of baths.
When we’re children we ask our parents the meaning of words. As parents, we ask our children the meaning of words.
What's going on in the world when we need public service messages to tell us to check in on friends when they stop hanging out and showing up to social gatherings?
People make fun of people watching other people play video games on YouTube, but watching sports on tv is pretty much the same thing.
*Someday you will hear the funniest thing you've ever heard and nothing will ever be funny again.* "Life's a laugh and death is the joke" From Monty python and the life of Brian basically said this years before this subreddit was a thing... Probably.
In the 1950’s, sitting in the back of the bus had a negative connotation to it. But in elementary school through high school the back of the bus was where the cool kids sat.
The word crass is a combination of the words crude and ass
How did Doc Brown get inside the Delorean when he first showed it to Marty.
Thanos killed half of all life, which means he killed half of all trees and plankton as well, basically putting us back at square 1
What if squirrels don’t remember at all where they buried their acorns but just dig and find acorns other squirrels buried
The fact that a soap dispenser is hands free doesn’t matter.
Can you imagine how will you fell when you’ll be at few minutes from your death? I’ll be very pissed to my self because I never “said that” or “went to” or “risked my actual life for” or “did that”. This thought scares me more than failure dose, or any other meaningless fear dose
How many people do you think went out and bought green cars after seeing Meet the Parents?
It’s weird to think about how sitting in the back of the bus in the 1950’s had an extremely negative connotation tied to it, but in elementary school through high school sitting in the back of the bus meant you were one of the cool kids.
Reading the comments on a reddit post is like walking into a room and forgetting the original reason you went in but coming out with a book, a calculator, a spoon and a giant inflatable pig
The older I get, the super power I most want is elasticity. So then I dont have to get up to grab something or turn the light off.
Another name for a sweet tooth would be a suicidal tooth.
They should have made a soundproof room in A Quiet Place
Religion is the oldest form of fake news
Someone had a shower thought to invent showers instead of baths.
Having Reddit on your phone while you browse it on your computer helps you see when someone responded to you comment, but then decided to delete it from knowing they were wrong or said something very stupid in return.
I have so many fake conversations with friends in my head, I run out of witty things to say in real life.
There are two kinds of people in this world. Those, who - if they miss a concert after having bought the tickets - will say “wasted my money”. And those who will say “missed an experience”.
God didn't create dogs. He made wolves, then WE created dogs.
Do K9s think drugs are good or bad
Mosquitoes would be a much bigger problem in my life if they were as evasive as house flies.
The will to live must have be frighteningly low in the era where the best part of waking up was Folger's in the cup.
"Butterfly in the sky, l can go twice as high." Twice? Butterflies always seem to fly around 5-6 feet off the ground, so the singer is talking about maybe 12 feet then?
My younger brother and I had a bunk bed when we were growing up and I slept on the bottom bunk. Does that make me, literally, the monster living under his bed?
God is just a really lazy Game-Master
If Gandhi had weed, those hunger strikes would have been a lot shorter. But if everyone back had weed, they probably wouldn't have been necessary.
You wouldn’t drink almond milk if it was called nut juice.
My thoughts on trends
When called an asswipe, it is important to know which wipe the person means.
Imagine
Next time I am called an asswipe, I will need to ask which wipe.
I wonder if Notch (the Minecraft programmer) regrets taking that as his handle because of the iPhone
Reddit is the Fight Club of real life, one doesn’t talk about Reddit in real life
Donald Trump is a lot like homer simpson
I bet (if given a choice) a dolphin would rather live in a 50% smaller tank than a sea world performance tank if it included tubes throughout your house to allow it to hang out with you. They probably value friendship.
Cutting Corners can be a Good Thing if it Means You're Rounding Out The Edges
We should have the police go jogging more, joggers always find the bodies.
I finally understand why I like twitch. It takes me back to warching my friends play games in their living room
Since both vision and smelling are both senses, shouldn’t it be Tele-Smelling instead of Smello-vision?
Reddit is a social media platform full of karma sluts.
Athiests try to disprove god with science. But if god created the universe wouldn't he also have created science.
Sand is probably called sand because its inbetween sea and land.
Australian farmers need to declare themselves a sovereign nation so they can receive foreign aid from our government.
Pokémon was a way to entertain generations based on the concept of slavery
The general populace's will to live must have be frighteningly low in the era where the best part of waking up was Folger's in your cup.
help me understand
The best way to ensure someone losing their trust in you and your recommendations is to tell them that it really works without promting
Bill Wurtz' video "The history of the entire world, I guess", is the biggest tl;dr ever
I wonder how many people have cut/killed themselves (in the shower?) to Mudvayne’s L.D. 50 album...
You can’t sing the letter “s” in any particular tune, so in songs in a really tuneless letter...
If hot water freezes faster, then does cold water boil faster?
What if my stomach growled while giving a blowjob?
Between dick pics, periods, and pregnancy, I'm pretty sure all females did something horrible in a past life and are being punished.
The 6-inch Sub should be called the Dick-Long
More people would buy solar powered things if we called them External Fusion Drives
Every variety of mythological deity exists in the Marvel Universe except God.
Adam Sandler making a deal with Netflix is probably the best thing that's ever happened to David Spade
There are people who can spear a fish in a river from the shore while I can't stab the last pickle in a jar with a fork.
I feel like beef jerky giant Slim Jim missed a fantastic marketing tie-in opportunity with Infinity War and Thanos with its famous slogan "Snap into a Slim Jim!"
Dogs already have smell-o-vision.
God didn't give epileptics a fair shake.
Why does every company need to have an instagram/twitter? Like, who are the people following Loftware Inc (example) on twitter?
On your birthday you acquire a new age. But you are still all of your old ages too. I think we would do well to honor our __-year-old selves and their dreams/desires/ambitions instead of focusing exclusively on the new number.
If you have no sense of smell, is your sense of taste improved or hindered?
I'm sure that a rather high percentage of guys that are homophobic are just afraid of being treated the way they treat women.
I wonder how the girl which the song “Mr. Brightside” is based on feels nowadays
Social media's influence?
Would the Antichrist turn wine into water?
Airport bathrooms should really have luggage racks in the stalls and behind the urinals.
Ever tought about how someone discovered milk?
If two gay Chinese monks go out, is it called a Man-date of Heaven?
Did I already wash my butthole? Oh whatever I'll just wash it again.
Seeing how facebook alone gets the older generation completely worked up, introducing them to reddit would just cause their brain to permanently malfunction within an hour
In America we call it Chinese food, in China they just call it food
I've had a lot of life experience for someone not doing so hot at the whole "life" thing.
John Cena's slogan is "you can't see me", while his last name is pronounced "see? Na."
Why do we call it last night but say yesterday? Why isnt it called yesternight or we dont say last day?
What did they call the 100 year war while it was happening
"I'll never forget you" and "I'll remember you" say the same thing but mean something very different.
The fact that certain hairs on your body know when to stop growing is greatly underappreciated
Being the oldest person in the world means that all the people that were alive when you were born are now dead.
It's called a British accent even though English originated in Britain.
When a cat is being pet, i bet it feels like someone giving you head scratches but all over.
If a pipe organ uses air, does that make it a brass or percussion instrument?
Its called a British accent even though English originated in Britain.
There would be a lot of chaos if for every upvote you gave, a Karma point was taken away from you
If I was out at the club with a gay buddy; he’d be my wing tran
If i get my arm amputated, can i keep it for Halloween decorations?
If I skip a stone, what are the odds that I kill a fish?
Are bald people supposed to use shampoo or soap on their heads?
Why don’t they just make a mobile that instead of having a glass/metal back has a solar panel so we can just throw it in the sun as we drive or on the window sill while we work? Like is it even possible? Do they already exist.
What if planets are just another form of life
I’m glad that I grew up in an era when school busses didn’t have tinted windows. I’m also glad that I drive in an era when they do.
Amazon has ruined my expectations on how quickly an item should be shipped and handled
I can divide my past English teachers into two groups...
Bethesda finally announced that they’ll be developing TES:VI… now it should be Valve’s turn with Portal 3/HL3!
I used to think women wouldn't date me because they are shallow. Now I realize they don't date me because I'm not interesting, funny, attractive, or have any other admirable qualities really.
I need to crap when I get out of here.