Where's Upton Sinclair when we need him?
If you’re gay in France are you a faguette?
Every person who has ever submitted a showerthought has some form of internet connection
You hear many people say Weinstein as "Wighn-steen", but you never hear anyone call him Albert "Ighn-steen".
No! The air conditioning turned on right as I was about to get out. Better wait until it turns off to get out
Thank god our internal organs don’t itch.
I wonder if ponies look at horses and think, "Some day I'll be as big as him."
r/thanosdidnothingwrong could perhaps have been the best guerrilla marketing campaign. Why? Nobody thinks it is a marketing campaign.
The only thing worse than having Polymyalgia rheumatica is having to spell it
Carrie Underwood should have carved a different name into those leather seats.
If lightsabers are made of pure energy, why don’t they just pass through each other?
In the future Reddit will be the biggest quarry for electronic archeologists.
I have never heard of a blind person committing a crime
As an adult time seems to pass faster, which means Christmas comes around quicker!
I spend about 3 hours a day scrolling through Reddit, but if someone sends me a Reddit link through messenger, I groan.
What if we were just living in a virtual reality this whole time and nothing around us is real but in reality we are in a lab as some sort of experiment and everything we know is a lie
NSFW we should worship female premature ejaculator as much as we make fun of male ones
Carrie Underwood should have carved someone else's name into his leather seats.
Someone reading this might be dead by tomorrow. Take care.
Voting is more Powerful than a Firearm.
If we manage to create general AI in the near future, the topic of what rights that AI should have will probably be extremely controversial
Prayers are just politically correct incantations.
What would happen if you made a kanal into the Sahara Desert, where would the water go?
Business telephones should include an option to NOT listen to music or adverts while on hold.
Murphy is God
It would have been smarter if Carrie Underwood carved someone else's name into his leather seats.
The concept of god was extremely effective as a self-policing strategy, until religion came along and completely confused things.
Why aren't mix breed animals called chimeras?
The fact that there isnt a porn series called "The Hunt For Cunt" is a big opportunity missed.
It's funny how unicorns are fake but giraffes are real. What's more believable, a horse with a horn or a leopard-moose-camel with a 40 ft neck?
Facebook should have an 'eyeroll' reaction option.
We should celebrate trash collector day.
I always forget to bring in the new bottle of shampoo until it’s too late
Right now, someone is arguing with a celebrity on the internet over something stupid, and they don't even know it.
The designer of my childhood light up shoes probably doesn’t realise that the exact pattern in which they lit up will burned into my memory forever.
Saying 'I slept like a baby' shouldn't mean 'I had a peaceful uninterrupted sleep'.
You only realize how much shampoo you use when the bottle is almost empty.
What do motorcycle gangs drive in winter?
Bold is the thicc version of italics.
The auto corrector in smartphones is the best grammar teacher in the world.
Dogs Lick Us As Repayment For All The Time We Give Them Headscratches/Belly Rubs.
There’s no male equivalent to the word “lesbian” (noun).
I wish i had a bullet for this gun. I dont belong here.
Prayers are just politically-correct incantations.
A bukkake is technically a baby shower.
School attendance rolls should show preferred names. It would save so much time and embarrassment.
To propely target ads browsers should sell the private browsing data to advertisers
Aren't Mormons to Christians what Christians are to Jews?
If an octopus had 8 legs, and an octagon has 8 sides, why isn't October the 8th month?
Downvoting without commenting is the internet equivalent of giving someone the stinky eye without saying anything
“Do Not Touch” would be a very unsettling thing to read in Braille.
Candles used to be used primarily as a source of light now we use then as a source of satisfying smells
For guys, the worst part of shaving your ass is the inevitable five o'clock shadow.
Is sex anti-mitosis?
Double “liking” means canceling your first like so you’re actually unliking.
People should learn the mirror and reflections mechanics of their home, it could be pretty useful in some emergency situations.
You know you upvoted the right comment when you visit an old post and become sad that you can't upvote it again after rereading it.
Apart and a part mean opposite things but have the same letters in the same order.
A bukkake is also a baby shower.
Surely it’s okay to make memes about blind people, because they’ll never see them
When little kids start to say new words they've learned but use them in a completely incorrect way, that's like when an adult who isn't musically inclined, walks up to a piano and just starts hitting random keys.
The best thing about growing up isn't having loads of money and good bit realising it's having people you love around you
Where are the jobs that don't take 40 hours a week, make you stay in one location and are bad for your health?
If an alien species population was in the centillion would they think the human population is almost extinct?
How would they have nailed Jesus on the cross in Veggietales?
When a girl catches you staring at her, did she catch you staring at her or did you catch her staring at you ?
How awkward is the afterlife for a widow that remarries?
More and more Trump is acting as a Leslie Nielsen character
I have never seen my phone in a dream
Is sign language the same for every language? If it were it would be the most important language.
If women can create an entire new human inside them why can't they repair their own cells forever?
I remember when dogs would just smell my hands to find which one kept the treat. It’s amazing how each generation is so different.
Doing, going, and boing don't rhyme.
Rainbow corn makes rainbow poop
Trump supporters have to sort by controversial to find people they agree with
Being a Saint must be a bummer. You're just chilling in Heaven enjoying your rewards for living a Godly life and suddenly the Catholic Church conscripts you gives you a job.
Donald Trump is like a grown up version of Eric Cartman from South Park.
Ash's surname is probably "Ketchum" because it kinda sounds like "Catch 'em (all)"
When you clear a spider web from your home the spider come to realize why the spot was vacant before
Instead of "moral support", we really should be giving "morale support".
Does anyone actually have a favorite color?
I should boycott the number 45.
The name of every letter can be spelled with different letters
Not being called a squeaker when you talk on the mic is the child equivalent of a job promotion
Saying ‘I’m going to slap you into next week’ is saying that you’re going to knock them unconscious. When they wake up a week later, to them, no time has passed.
Is Ash's surname "Ketchum" because it kinda sounds like "Catch 'em (all)?"
Maybe the voting system in the US should have an option to downvote a candidate instead of voting for any of them. A vote that would cancel someone else's up vote so to speak. It would finally allow many people to vote the way they want to which is "I don't know, but definitely not that asshat"
Doing something because "I didn't have anything better to do" is actually a really good reason.
It's a lot easier to say What Would Jesus Do? than to say WWJD?
What if I died so suddenly that I didn't realize I was a ghost and this weird reality that I'm living in, where reality TV stars are presidents, is a complete fabrication of my consciousness?
If a team player wanted to act in a utilitarian manner, couldn’t they just quit?
Communism is basically 100% Tax
History made us, so we should make history
Dogs must think we really love their poop, seeing that we always pick it up.
"I didn't have anything better to do" is actually a really good reason to do something.
Social media would be a lot better if, instead of unfollowing people, you could set keywords and any posts containing those words or phrases just don’t show up in your timeline.
Confidence is less of a "Oh they are going to like me so much" and more of "I'll be fine if they don't"
Do penguins ever wonder where their knees are?
saying it’s your opinion doesn’t justify being an asshole so don’t get all pissy when people call you out for it
Why does my colon always want a race with a photo-finish when my brain knows I'm on the way home?
On 8-10-18 the date can be read forwards backwards and also upside down.
Group suicide should be an option for those not wanting to die alone
The plural of human should really be humen.
The Tinder “no one around you” message is the equivalent of the Netflix “are you still watching” message.
Porn is a good example of redistribution of wealth/socialism at work; the 1% pay so that the other 99% can enjoy for free.
Cracking off to heterosexual porn is a bit gay.
Work is not a democracy, it is a dictatorship. The boss is your master and you are the slave. Your tie is the leash for them to drag you around with. Everyone is expendable and money is all that matters.
99% of all shower thoughts will we never know about
Most shower thoughts are not posted while in the shower.
Making a phone call while you're charging your smart phone is almost the same as just using a corded phone.
Do plants worry about polluting the world with the oxygen they release since they can't breathe it?
If you lie about a certain event happening, but it that event actually happens before the other person finds out, is it still a lie?
They should change the title to Mission: Implausible, because it's obviously never "Impossible".
How often do people eat something that's been left in the sun?
Are mints just the cold variation of spices?
If you find yourself saying, “how have I not tried this before,” you’re probably not trying enough new things on a regular basis.
Ring? Square?
Why aren’t Sheep Shearers called “Baabers”?
If a dog is man’s best friend why don’t we have best dogs at weddings?
SpongeBob’s last name is Squarepants but he always wear square-shorts.
Only 10% of the posts on this subreddit are actual showerthoughts, this is not one of them
Moustache should be called lipbrow.
When little kids start to say new words they've learned, they often use them in a completely incorrect way. That's kind like a non-musical person walking up to a piano, and trying to play a chord by pressing down on a few random keys.
You can't have shower cold enough, so chocolate would't melt in your mouth.
If 50's education put so much emphasis on Reading and Writing, they were pretty bold to insist "Writing" and "Arithmetic " started with R.
I'm very glad I don't live in the timeline where Shigeru Miyamoto went into a cave as a child with only a lantern and died from a snakebite
What if mirrors are portals to an identical dimension where everything is exactly the same and every movement you make is replicated on the other side
Here I am, alone inside a locked house with all the windows closed, and I still feel the need to lock the bathroom door
People should realize if you don’t pay for a freemium app / game, you are what advertisers / paying players buy.
Have girls ever crossed streams?
I hate washing my legs, they are so far down there
You’re always touching poop.
Do crabs and lobsters think fish can fly?
Not being called a squeaker when you talk on the mic is a child promotion
I used to think beautiful woman was a gift from God, now I feel like it;s just science =... which is sad.
I tell my dogs about how much I love them every chance I get, but when my friends or family say, “I love you” I have a hard time saying “I love you too” every single time, even though I love them too.
Father figures will always inspire you. Even if that means something you do not want to become.
Despacito 2 alternative names
Booty=butt, call=dial, but booty call is not the same as but dial
I wonder how close I’ve ever been to a celebrity I didn’t know/recognize...
Does anyone else hear DJ Khaled in their head when you read DJ Khaled?
As a parent of a toddler, it's scary how a smudge of poop on the couch looks exactly like a smudge of chocolate.
If camera lenses are round. How come pictures turn out rectangular?
97% of Shower Thoughts were probably not conceived in the shower, nor were they original thoughts by the writer.
It's ironic that #metoo can be read as "pound me too."
Dora says she is an explorer but she only travels through mapped areas.
Black people can't get tan
Would dinosaurs see us the same way we see spiders and try to squish them?
I should have brought an umbrella.
The fact that you can eat the ice cream cone is extremely underrated
The worst part of spending with cash is looking at it and thinking "I don't remember spending this amount of what I withdrew". The worst part of spending with a card is how it taunts you with the purchases you undeniably did make.
I wonder how many times Einstein had a Eureka moment while taking a shower
When you kill yourself , only your self-awareness dies. The rest (what consists of your body) stays, with or without chemical changes
My gatorade is purple, yet my pee is yellow
It would be sick if an “I’m Feeling Lucky” button was added to Google self-driving cars that drives you to a random location.
I just watched a video and saw a laptop with a "Read a Fucking Book" sticker on it. I think 10 years after we get brain implants or eyeball displays Millennials are going to complain that kids never open their cellphones and read tweets anymore.
Should have brought an umbrella.
Why do both microphones and megaphones make things louder?
Volcanoes are like Earth's pimples. So when it pops it leaves a scar behind.
Is hotdog a sandwich?
There's no "i"in "team," but "me" is certainly in there.
Kids playing Call of Duty today are making the same memories we did when we were in school
Kids growing up now dont know what a time before internet and iphones is like
The Google self-driving car needs an “I’m Feeling Lucky” option that drives you to a random location.
If you try to fail at something but you succeed, which have you done?
If night falls in the forest and nobody's around to hear it does it make a sound?
How do insurance companies still make money from The Purge?
I would much rather go bald than get pregnant
We don’t need a government anymore because people can vote themselves through their smartphones without the need for representatives anymore
Downvotes should not show negative, but keep a hidden tally of how negative the comment went. There would be no point in trolling as these comments would still get scrolled past as inane or boring.
If a dentist makes money off people with bad teeth. Then why would I buy toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentist recommended?
Sometimes i wonder how much of my brain memory is wasted with all the minecraft crafting recipes i know 🤔
Thanks to our ability to communicate effectively , young or old people don’t go to the bathroom on the carpet as frequently as young or old pets.
Theyre called "pants", yet its one article of clothing
Although they were excoriated by the music industry in the early 90’s by most modern standards Milli Vanilli were visionary music industry innovators.
The “Keke do you love me?” challange is teaching people about inertia like no physics teacher could.
Do dogfish chase catfish?
The name Seymour could have come from someone saying “hey let’s go see more” and someone else overheard and was like “oh someone’s name is Seymour... that name isn’t half bad...”
If time machines were one day invented, then wouldn’t there be people from the future walking around dressed up like the present?
If shower thoughts can only be had in the shower then most people here are liars
For a brief moment, references to /r/unexpectedthanos and /r/expectedthanos will be perfectly balanced
There should be a social media platform where you're only allowed to post about your failures
I wonder what is the average IQ of people who enjoy watching WWE.
Sure, the new Doom Eternal gameplay was great... but what if you could just talk to the Demons?
Can't spell manslaughter without laughter.
The “X” are just domesticated “Y” posts are just Domesticated karma points.
Thanks to our ability to effectively communicate, young or old people don’t go to the bathroom on the carpet as often as young or old pets.
Where do centaurs lactate?
Does the local aquarium serve fish at their restaurant?
If I post a really good original thought, I might get 5 updoots. However, if I point out a problem with the subreddit I’ll make front page.
It just occurred to me that Silicon might be the most addictive chemical on the planet
We so badly want to communicate with our pets but if they understood our actions would they hate us?
What if we all perceive the same color differently?
Why do people shave when they could just put hair removal cream on their face?
When we call somebody birdbrained, we mean to say that they are stupid, yet when we attribute wisdom to an animal, it is the owl.
Wrinkle release spray is really just dry shampoo for your clothes
If Facebook was an Orwellian novel 1984 would pale in comparison.
The word “Long” is shorter than the word “Short”
If you switch around the compass letters, it spells news. N E W S lacks a moral compass.
If you flip your phone upside down , the word “swims” still spells “swims“
What if mystique was biologically a man but loved looking like a blue woman?
When we reference our past selves, we say ‘the old me’ even though that’s the young you.
People who wear "I'm with Stupid -->" shirts are generally perceived to be the stupid ones
Why is the water so cold?
The most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it
If you were to have amnesia and people starts telling you about yourself without any proofs. Would be really able to trust them ?
Being an adult means opting to brush your teeth instead of having another Reeces Mini.
If I asked you to tell me the most forgettable movie you've ever seen, you wouldn't be able to
If you lose $70 on the stock market it's a 'no big deal' feeling. But if you were to lose my wallet filled with $70 you'd be pretty upset.
Indian government has to support education system so the best students can go abroad and contribute to the US economy
Most of the posts on Showerthoughts aren't actually thoughts that people had in the shower.
It’s always “God sent his only son”. So.....if he’d sent one of his younger kids that would definitely have been less of a big deal, yeah?
Was it always necessary for the power rangers to roll up in separate megazords? Couldn’t those guys have carpooled or called a megazord uber??
W is pronounced "double u" but M isn't pronounced "double n".
The Koolaid Man is basically a sex offender.
I envy the joker from batman's stories for the fact that he can choose what past he prefers before his madness and I can not despite being sane
Based on reddit, inception is one of easiest thing to do with the human mind.
but why didn’t brain nickname buster, buster?
Even if your name sounds really sweet in your own language it probably means something totally different and possibly rude in another
Making the noise “Beep” could be the the universe censoring the worst word in existence.
Seeing TV commercials about my VPN service, makes me trust my VPN service less...
If animals weren't meant to be eaten, why are they made out of food????
There should be an item purchase limit in fast food drive-thru's
If Lemons become lemonade, why don’t alligators become Gatorade?
If you knock on my door it better be a beat or some kind of tune to let me know your cool or I’m going to be like 70% less likely to open it.
Since all government call centers now are receiving higher than normal call volumes, this is the new normal call volume.
A group of people wrote a long ass book only to say that the protagonist wrote it aka the Bible
If people could see bacteria without a microscope I bet 99% of the world would suffer from anxiety
Someone Going "Head Over Heels" Should Actually Just Them Be Walking Away.
Someone shouting "I've had a rough day" makes me hope they have.
Domesticated is the new buzzword for all shower thoughts
I wonder what percent of shower thoughts originated in showers...
Good thing I don't have to worry about dropping the soap, becaus
We fail to realize that toilet water and shower water are the same water.
It's crazy that since Christopher Columbus mistakenly thought he landed in India, it took around 500 years for people to stop referring to Native Americans as Indians.
If Music is Sounds, Than Why am I Autistic?
Whenever I am putting on socks where one of them is the left sock and the other is the right sock, I always just grab one of the socks and start to put it on. I guess wrong EVERY TIME.
Putin messed with one election, NSA screwed the whole world.
Dogs and cats are just tools used by aliens to spy on us.
If you lose $70 on the stock market it's a 'no big deal' feeling. But if you were to lose my wallet filled with $70 i'd be pretty upset.
Whenever the word “anytime” is the single response of a text message or email, I always read it in the voice of Predator.
After taking my children to the bus stop this morning and seeing all the mesh shorts and t-shirts, I realize I dress like a 5th grade boy.
Wouldn't it be cool if we could fully listen to, comprehend, and enjoy more than one song at one time?
A phone should only show 100% charged if it's plugged into to a power source. Any power used unplugged would take it below 100%.
We're one of the most literate countries in the world, but now we speak in acronyms and shortened words.
Reposting a meme is the internet equivalent of saying a joke louder than someone else and getting the credit for it.
The people with the best English are the ones who apologize for their poor English
Are we in a time of nostalgia because we are subconsciously aware that things are coming to an end.
If I combine shampoo and conditioner. Do they work simultaneously?
If your parents had twins, one of you were an accident.