"When will my reflection show who I am inside" is either seeing a beautiful person in the mirror and thinking you're ugly on the inside, or seeing an ugly person in the mirror and thinking you're beautiful on the inside.
Shouldn’t a rainbow actually be called a rain-ribbon?
If someone you don’t know starts off a conversation by calling you “my man”, that conversation is probably going to be about marijuana.
You know someone pooped when you walk into the bathroom and it smells fresh
The phrase that has had the most impact on my life has been 'Fuck It!'
If around 10 pokémon became domestic pets, what are some that would make the cut?
I probably drive more safely with a coffee in the drink holder than I do with a person in the passenger seat.
Why dont people buy a small 3d printer and print parts for a bigger one, put them together and keep going until they have a big one for the cost of a small one?
I just realized that small kids’ drawings really resemble Rorschach tests. Trying to find what is allegedly by them depicted there should be a psychological test on its own.
Insect species go through complete unforeseeable exterminations on a daily basis. Why makes us think we are any different?
The word jargon is a jargon
A weekbeginning?
Failing to provide the total vote count next with the upvote percentage in a social media tool prevents the public from ever knowing the pervasiveness of bot attacks
The more you know how to speak a language the less you you know what it sounds like
Is a ghillie suit just grass cosplay?
Bathing two kids at the same time is fine but reusing the same bathwater one after another is gross
I still say "I'm putting my headphones on" when I put my earbuds in.
We should invest more in our beds, because we spend about a third of our lives on it
Combine Russian vodka and American bourbon with a dash of peach bitters and you get an Impeach Tea.
When South Korea scored the first goal against germany, weren't they were all T-posing?
If you are one in a million, that means there are 7,000 people out in the world just like you
If You Wanna Check Out Something Amazing Click On This Link: http://thisisfantastic.ml/
How did something as bland and uninventive as "I know you are but what am I" become the standard for comebacks?
"Eat my shorts" has been reincarnated as "Eat my Ass".
British/American/Australian folk never get to experience the bliss of speaking their own language freely while being on holiday
Why is it romantic if a guy washes your hair, but it's not if he brushes your teeth?
Is Digiorno still considered “Digiorno” if it’s delivered?
What if instead naming your own group message, group messages auto named themselves based on the current content of the messages?
I would have been exalted getting the computer over the car
Where is my mind
I started to question our relationship when I realised my wife's phone knew her better than I did.
With the recall of 16k Saudi college students from Canada there's about to be some great Craigslist finds near Canadian Universities.
Feelosophy should be a college major
When a state legalizes marijuana, are the thousands of people currently in prison for marijuana allowed to go home?
We use "Good Night" as a farewell, but if you run into someone in the dead of night, doesn't it then become a greeting?
Talking to a really attractive girl/boy without getting there name is like listing to a catchy song that’s just an instrumental.
With all this talk about being on the brink of irreversible climate change, Generation Z is actually an aptly named cohort for the last group of humans
Albino animals are like shiny Pokemon
You’re going to Hell whether you commit 1 or 1000 sins, so what’s stopping you from committing 1,000,000 and becoming a legend?
Mobile Amber Alerts should give you a photo of the child and potential kidnapper, not a wall of descriptive text
With everyone intentionally misspelling words it must be exhausting (and maddening) to someone who uses grammar correctly.
If blind people get to have dogs, near-sighted people should get something too. Nothing as good as a dog - maybe a rabbit or opossum, something like that.
Can Animals such as dogs get headaches?
The phrase "being hammared" is probably due to someone being so drunk they couldnt remember the word for it
It's called Head & Shoulders because dandruff starts from your head and then makes its way to your shoulders.
My Boss thinks his door is a jar.
"Jesus Fucking Christ" sounds like the title of a metaphysical Christian gay porn flick
I wanna see a documentary made where a group of flat-earthers are sent to go find the edge of the planet.
Everyone has to pump gas, but why are gas stations always filled with the sketchiest people?
Pluto is to the solar system what the letter "Y" is to vowels
We all think they are singing, but I’m convinced the birds outside my window are playing a massive game of laser tag
I have never thought about listening to Alex Jones, until now, I am curious, maybe I will look him up tonight.
All kidding aside, if Pokemon was real life Team Rocket would literally be ISIS.
If we were 100% in control of our bodies, which we should be because, well, it's our own bodies, we would be in control of out own immune system, hair growth and the like, but for some reason we're not.
Redditors can't understand why people in power are corrupt, but give them a mod position and watch it happen to them
A car trip should be very weird for an animal:you hop in a metal box,you wait a while and when you get out everything has magicaly changed
I’ve never actually washed behind my ears.
Is abortion murder? We call Birthday the day when the child comes out of the womb, how can you murder someone who hasn't born yet?
The upside of Trump's presidency once it's all said and done, is the number of criminals that will be in prison that would have never been caught if they hadn't agreed to work for Trump...
When dogs meet for the first time and smell one another do they think "So that's the son of a bitch who has been peeing on my tree"?
Why peoples think hell is funny
With Reddit neglecting to provide the total vote count next to an upvote percentage, we'll never get to know the pervasiveness of bot attacks
All these jiant black slabs of asfault are probably contributing to climate change
Tinted eyebrow fillers (pencils, gels, powders) should encourage hair growth where applied.
Trump only thinks he’s superior to Putin because he’s taller.
Is 10:30am really "early drinking" if you just worked the night shift?
Leftovers are like reposts. They may or may not be good, they definitely aren’t as good as the original, and somebody’s going to get mad at having them.
Watching bar of soap slip from holder - "Why does it always hurt so bad when a bar of soap lands on top of my foot?"
Double door theory
The saying should be "What are you feeling", not "how are you feeling"
My Car Keys Have Traveled Farther Than My Car
The worst restaurant ever.
Its funny how most board games are meant to have fun with others but you end up ruining relationships
How I Rayman able to jump, when he has no knees?
Animals pee in the water supply we bathe with but we can't do the same.
Who decided that graham crackers would be categorized as crackers and not cookies? Bad call.
Memes are like modern dad jokes
A banner saying "the app is faster" doesn't make me want your app, it only makes me think your web developers are incompetent.
What if people just said Gesundheit / 'Bless you' when someone accidentally farts in public just like they might when someone involuntarily sneezes in public.
The phrase should be "What are you feeling", not "How are you feeling"
Asking an immortal if they knew a historical figure is like asking me if I knew Bill Gates.
Whenever you get flashbacks to your middle school emo phase it’s called PTxD
What if reincarnation was real via the simulation hypothesis? You die and respawn as a different 'life' within the galaxy, following a pattern that being pregnant or the incubation period is the respawn and connection timer.
People said that the world ending in 2012 was fake, but has anyone really felt alive since then?
People that believe Shakespeare never existed are my Flat Earthers.
Since farts are microscopic fecal matter, if you were to combine all of the fecal matter you’ve inhaled in your life, how big of a turd do you think it would be?
We should name the situation when you open up reddit and immediately refresh the front page but then you see a post you like but it’s gone after the refresh and never to be found again.
Thanks to toilet paper ads, I now know exactly which brand to buy if I want to lift several coins with only one damp sheet.
if dems want this country to be based on low skilled workers, why do we push so much for schools?
One of the worst feelings is someone accusing you of being argumentative, and you have to argue that you’re not arguing.
Everyday I live in fear that somewhere somehow someone suddenly grabs my testicles with a fast and gradually increasing force and I cannot do anything about it but whince in pain
The word “thot” is an acronym but almost always used as a noun.
Do crabs think we walk sideways?
There are dad jokes, but where are the mom jokes?
If you peeled off all your skin on your underarm area would you need deodorant?
Adults always say cash in a birthday card is impersonal but I’ve never been happier than when I find a $20 in my card.
I've never had a meal that consisted cooked lettuce.
Alexa is the only robot that make me want to slit my throat.
Do Bloods and Crips vote on the issues? Or do they only vote by the color that their gang is affiliated with?
Imagine America, but all the cities were made out of planted trees that were groomed for 300 years.
I wonder if the way to be gilded is to just act nicely
I’m going to have to show my kids a video of a typewriter so that they know what I am referencing when I teach them to eat corn on the cob.
I just realized Donkey Kong is not a donkey.
Every time I go to a Chinese restaurant, I never see a meat delivery truck
Why do people want to only eat happy cows or pigs? I'd rather eat a sad cow than kill a happy one.
Gloves and mittens stop at your wrists, but oven mitts go almost halfway down your arm. Shouldn't this be the other way around?
Whoever thought, “Public restrooms don’t need paper towels” never had to wash their face in one.
A yellow traffic light means slow down, but most people actually speed up
The drawback to recycling is the fact that it makes me look like a raging alcoholic.
Jesus probably would have made a very good lifeguard.
Donkey Kong is not a donkey, he is an ape
If you say "20-year-old game console", my mind immediately goes to the NES, not the Dreamcast
Being an adult isn't so bad... Payday has become more exciting than Christmas and it comes around every two weeks!
What if ghosts are really just a product of another dimension/reality “touching” ours where there is overlap and we experience these phenomena as paranormal beings/events?
Is anyone considering using straw to replace straws?
When you tell a joke, it is accepted that you are retelling something you've already heard, but if you repost on /r/jokes you're a bad guy. (Not a repost)
There are a lot of pictures of how people from memes look like today, but I just wonder what does the bear from the confession bear do?
What if...
Black and White vs Standard and HD
The only acceptable time where I can whole heartily smile at someone who makes eye contact in public, is when I see a baby
What do people who don’t have showers call their showerthoughts?
One of the best motivations for doing something we don't want to do (cleaning) is avoiding something we REALLY don't want to do (studying). However, we call this procrastination and not motivation.
It’s pretty underrated how an entire planet can follow one government in Star Wars
Have you ever thought how pizza is made as a circle, then cut into triangles, and put in a square box for us to eat...?
Dogs probably think elevators are portals
You gotta wash your spoon with a sponge and soap before you use it again, but your toothbrush is good with a little rinse.
90°, 180° and 360° gets used in different ways but I never hear anyone give any love to 270°
Air conditioners increase the average air temperature in the open environment outside since they put the heat from the inside to the outside. So, if you ever felt it was really hot outside, it probably would be because you wanted a cooler inside.
1-bedroom apartments in San Francisco cost >$3295. So how are there janitors, fast food workers and street cleaners there?
If you deep fried a bagel and covered it in sugar, would it be considered a donut?
Can you cry underwater?
“Space Heaters” should be called “Stars” OR the “Sun” should be called “THE Space Heater.”
When people say something is "humbling" they typically mean the exact opposite
Tesla’s “Signs” should be the official song of r/thathappened 🙄
Father’s Day should be on a Saturday.
When you tell a joke, it is accepted that you are retelling something you've already heard, but if you repost one you're a bad guy.
Censorship must be so @$*#ing annoying for deaf people
Why the opposite of interrupted is uninterrupted and not terrupted?
If Trump went to prison for conspiracy, his new adventures could make the most popular reality show in the world.
Celebrities have no idea what it feels like to finally have a comment with above 1000 karma after a few years worth of comments lower than 10.
Did Snoop Dogg get his name for being nosy?
Cars should have a signal to tell you to check on a carseat in the back
We call getting old "getting long in the tooth" but the older we get the less teeth we have
Pooping after taking a shower is like washing your car and then taking it through the mud.
Why are eating competitions about how *much* you can eat, rather than how *well* you can eat?
Banana skins are one of the best forms of packaging known to men.
A washed up actor should make a movie about a washed up actor.
The person who thought, “Public restrooms don’t need paper towels” clearly never had to wash their face in one.
If Thanos likes everything balanced, why didn't he wear two gauntlets with 3 stones on each?
What if everytime you yawned...
February 22, 2022 is Tuesday, so we can call it 2's day
Reddit is internet's sandbox
We should not buy dentists recommended toothbrushes because they make money off our cavities
Stop drop and roll sounds like the instructions to do acid
Most of the posts here arent even thought of while showering
Airliners should have sunroofs.
If you feel stupid remember that I saw the movie Troy and my friend said "I think they are hidden in the horse, do you think that to".
The 80’s were a truly magical time. A movie was made about a sleepy yet oppressive town coming to life through the power of dance and it become a national treasure. Let that sink in.
Heaven has a wall and strict immigration policies. Hell has open borders.
I would pay for a gaming controller steering wheel. Life size of course!
'word' is the only word that means itself
I wish food recipes would include estimated time for doing the dishes. Prep: 10 mins. Cook: 35 mins. Cleaning kitchen: 2 hrs.
The bible is a fiction story based on real facts.
If women's breasts are my considered sexual by #FreeTheNipple standards, then touching a woman's breasts should not be sexual assault either, just regular assault.
r/showerthoughts is actually r/im14andthisisdeep but for adults
Isn't a web search in Chinese actually an image search?
Why does biweekly mean twice a week AND every other week?
As cool as the Avada Kedavra spell is from Harry Potter, it’s basically the equivalent to shooting a few bullets at somebody.
At some point a white tadpole and a giant egg essentially did the fusion dance and became me.
The easiest way to utterly destroy the US internally would be to rig an election such that “1 vote would have made the difference”, then watch as friends and family tear each other apart.
If a group of cats all pile on top of each other, it's still called a dog pile.
Complaining that a blanket is too hot is really just complaining that it is too efficient at its job.
When you raise your hand, arent you actually raising your arm?
It’s surprising how little toilet paper I need when I’m forced into a situation with only a few squares!
When will the profiles of dead people on Facebook outnumber the profiles of living people?
What if every time you take a screen shot your phone takes a selfie of you and what you screen shotted
Imagine being a cat and taking naps all day and never knowing how long you slept each nap? "How long have I slept? What day is it?"
As a seaman, I fully support that term's replacement with a new, gender-neutral equivalent.
I should buy soap.
We can have showerthoughts when we're not showering.
I like to think that Don Draper ends up so rich that he starts fighting crime in a bat suit.
I don't mind the grey in my hair and beard because it lends me credibility.
The football team is the military industrial complex of high school. 🏈
I wonder if ants get big dicks
Drake's "In My Feelings" is the next generation's version of Lou Bega's "Mambo No. 5"
I'm running out of soap, I should buy some soon
Its's gonna be weird when all youtubers eventually die cause if we rewatch their videos will be technically seeing a ghost.
What if your height is modeled by a sin curve but no one has lived long enough to notice it
Are pokemon saying their name after they called so or are they called after the only thing they can say?
The platypus is evidence that God was called into work on the seventh day.
My cat watches me cut the grass. When finished, birds come to feed at the freshly cut lawn. To my cat, the lawnmower must be a bird attractor.
There are two kinds of people, those that know and those that don't know. Now I don't know about you but I know, don't you know?
Isn't your godfather's son just your god?
Evil dead is murder by words the movie.
If we're the same age, and I've been playing guitar for 2 yrs, and you've been playing for 16 yrs, I'd consider you an expert. But if we're the same age, and I've been raising kids for 2 yrs, and you've been raising kids for 16 yrs, you're still just the chick who got knocked up in high school.
I just realized that "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits and "Takin' Care of Business" by BTO are basically the same song
This sub is free karma
Emails should include attachments by default when doing “Reply/Reply all” or at least prompt to include.
Before the 1980’s I bet almost everyone smelled like cigarette smoke but didn’t really notice it.
I can't remember the last day I didn't look in the mirror
My friend suggested this
If people are scared of spiders being in small, dark corners, what are spiders scared of in small, dark corners?
I hate this song.
🤔If only we could e-deposit cash like we e-deposit checks...
What happens if everyone can understand animals, but no one says anything because they are afraid no one will believe them?
If Know What you did Last Summer had a triquel, if would be called Really Know What you did Three Summers Ago.
Nobody should need a "right to repair" your a human you have thumbs and a brain make the tool and fix it.
Why is time measured in seconds... Shouldn’t it be measured in firsts?
What if the self-checkout machines at stores was just a method by the company to train future employees so they won't have to waste any money on actual training?
Are farts just our inner voices being released out of our system?
Imagine what whoever was the first person to discover concrete made with it.
It’s scary to think that you’d probably be the prime suspect if your significant other was ever murdered.
I need to get more shampoo.
When I look in the mirror at myself, I get shy. What does that even mean??
The only time you think of showrr thoughts is in The shower
Yo dawg, I heard you like the Navy...
I feel like I'm losing my shit, but that feels important to maintaining my shit sometimes.
If you ingest Imodium it will stop shit from pouring out your ass. Will cramming a box up Trumps ass keep this shit from coming out of his mouth?
One of the worst feelings is the feeling of your sleeves sliding down you wrists as you wash your hands
As a kid, I thought crabs were cool and spiders were creepy. Now I think spiders are cool and crabs are creepy.
If music is supposed to be for entertainment such as sport, then live concerts should be broadcasted on the sport news.
Maybe British people go down stairs the opposite way of American’s too.
If I had the MCU Space Stone I’d obviously use it for extravagant things like intergalactic travel. But if also use it for mundane things like not having to leave my couch to crap... into orbit... or into my enemy’s open sunroof.
All those Hipsters from 2009 who were so pissed that their favorite underground Indie bands got big and mainstream popular all of a sudden? The "I liked Deathcab before they were cool" crowd? I hope they're happy now that most of those sorts of bands aren't super popular anymore.
I am a millennial but I have no clue about what a PUBG is. So that's what it feels like to be the daddy out of touch with latest tech fads
Since each month indicates a position of the Earth relative to the sun as it orbits around, people who share your birthday were also born in the same place as you.
If I got the infinity gauntlet I’d snap and kill all the mosquitos.
I Am So Glad I Graduated Before Fortnite Came Out
Saying 'My Cocaine' in an American accent sounds like Michael Caine saying his name in his accent.
Why do we use "good morning," "good evening," etc., as ways of saying hello, but use "good night" as a way of saying goodbye?
What were the first people who tried anal thinking?
The phrase “oh yeah, I follow that person” would make you sound like a creep 15 years ago
MY DREAM JOB !! Growing up as a child, I wanted to become a banker, I ended up as a teacher !!
The saddest thing to come out of the story of the boys trapped in the cave is the number of adults that I've had to explain to that people from Thailand are not Taiwanese
I will do insignificant things and it will be in my dreams, yet I am on my phone all the time and have never dreamt about it.
Did I scrub behind my ears?
what gonna happen If you make a hole between 2 polars of earth and jump in it except you die?
What if snack and drink machines are programed to occasionally eat your money?
It’s impossible to kill yourself by just holding your breathe.
A good portion of the kids who first “pwned noobs” in Call of Duty, are now acting on their own countries call of duty for their armed forces.
There should be a keyboard kill switch for when your cat walks over it.
Why don't people ask for karma?
When you make friend don't you just DLC to your life?
Can a Caucasian person join a mariachi band?
Given their nature, vampires should turn into mosquitoes rather than bats.
Sometimes I wonder if that bitch ever got out of Ludacris' way
If a pregnant woman is swimming, is that considered a human Submarine?
An autobiography's "about the author" blurb is also its summary
If we never had dreams, people would probably pay alot of money to have a great dream.
Trump is a current day version of the emperor has no clothes.