You’ll never be as young as you are right now
Food delivery guys/gals always give me something to hold before asking me to utilize my occupied hands to sign something.
Could ‘never’ originally have been an abbreviated version of ‘not ever’?
People who hand food out to fat people at fast food are essentially extremely underpaid drug dealers.
I'm beginning to think /r/idiotsincars is an elaborate marketing effort by dashcam manufacturers.
Who in the Jurassic Park/World universe thought it was a great idea to make a new park with dangerous dinosaurs after what happend before?
Vending machines should clearly show the expiration dates on their items.
Donald Duck doesn't wear pants, but he uses a towel as a pareo when he has showered
Immigrants with issues getting permanent residency hold themselves to a higher standard because if they mess up they have to leave the country. Meanwhile everyone else (me included) is out here partying and getting white boy wasted because yolo
According to the multiple universe theory there is a version of the Internet with no reposts.
What if in our dreams, we were actually tapping into a version of ourselves from an alternate reality.
Has anyone ever met someone wearing transitions lenses that wasn't a dork?
I know jedi aren’t real, but if we are squeezing poo hard enough, we hear the force.
Lady Catherine de Bourgh in Pride and Prejudice is basically a female Regency era Donald Trump.
Maybe some people buy motorcycles so they dont have to be bothered with family, friends, and relatives asking for help in moving stuff or needing a ride
If I do something that guarantees the suffering and death of another person, I go to jail. Yet a parent is celebrated for doing basically the same thing.
Some people are so afraid of their memory being off that they believe they transferred to a parallel universe.
Between laws of segregation and discriminants, math and biology are extremely racist subjects
I hope they make a program to take away laughs on comedy shows
Double U (W) should be the last letter of the alphabet
If you placed a needle on Donald's head and span him round in a chair, music would start to play from the grooves in his hair
Humans swaying there arms when walking is probably a trait left over from when we were monkeys walking on all fours
When medevaced off a cruise ship by the Coast Guard, do you pay a fee like when a civilian air-ambulance picks you up?
Is FOMO just Social Anxiety Anxiety?
Without the Bible, naming a baby boy would probably be a lot harder.
When I was younger I wanted teleportation so I could go anywhere in the world, now I just want it so I can order everything I need and never need to leave home.
Coffee shops should resemble jumpy houses for kids but for adults
What came first a photon or an Atom?
Everything at Walmart is made in China, but it is probably the last place I would ever consider buying a China set.
You think you know what words mean till you get asked to explain one
We really should be calling it Planet Ocean, instead of Planet Earth
People are so scared of their memory being off that they make a theory about being put into another parallel universe where things from their early lives are slightly different. It’s called the Mandela effect.
Lots of Netflix's bandwith is probably used by unconscious people.
If/when I get dementia/Alzheimer's, I could listen to my entire music library and experience it like it was the first time I'd heard it.
OW! I got shampoo in my eye
Banana splits aren't a thing anymore.
Weird Al Yankovic has been at it so long that the song “I Lost on Jeopardy“doesn’t mention Alex Trebek at all.
It seems the people most excited for the upcoming elections are the same people who were the most excited for the last elections
I never hear crazy ex-bf stories IRL because often women don't survive them.
GarageBand enables my alcoholism
the showerthoughts sub was probably a shower thought
Counter argument to the whole Wisconsin isn't real debate. Wisconsin is at least known for something. Cheese. But who knows anyone from Iowa? Furthermore, who knows anything about Iowa?
Your ISP blocking VPN use is the same of banks blocking the use of helmets
We may know answers to many of life’s questions, but we still don’t know the right thing to say when someone knocks on the bathroom door.
If I use Apple Maps to scout out when to leave and use Google maps for the actual trip. I’ll always get there early.
The only downside of vaccines is that it gave me such a miserable life
When movies use a different language and don’t translate in order to create suspense, then the people that do speak that language a having a different experience than everyone else.
The ability to hold in our pee is severely underrated.
Right now in an alternate universe Pokémon are wishing people were real.
What if the modern anti-vax movement was secretly started by Big Pharma because it makes them more money to treat diseases than it does for them to prevent them with vaccines?
Where do truckers go for vacation?
In our eyes, beams of light cross eachother before you really sense them, so top and bottom are switched. Have we been standing down the ceiling all along?
I'd put good money on Stan Lee overtaking Robin Williams as the most overly karma-milked celebrity death on Reddit.
Why do we BAKE COOKies?
I get the feeling that people don’t listen to me when I say, “Have a nice day”. People would be a lot happier if they did go out and “have a nice day” when told to.
Saying "shit!" After realising there is no toilet paper left, is using a word with two meanings simultaneously.
Pants Pockets should be lined with microfiber cloth, so my phone screen is clean every time I pulled it out of my pocket.
Do flat earthers only buy maps instead of globes?
If vegitarians are pro-life, shouldn't they be allowed to masturbate / if possible always pregnant?
I wonder if I've ever yawned in the direction of someone who is deaf and accidentally made them think I was screaming at them.
What's the point of seatbelts if half of the people in the car put it behind them?
What if you really die in a dream and this is the afterlife.
Saying something is the best of the century or the best of the millennium currently mean the same thing
Exclamating 'Shit!' when running out of toilet paper is one of the few instances of using the same word with different meanings simultaneously.
If I had someone pick me up and drop me off at practice every day like when I was a kid, I would be in just as good physical shape as I was then.
An abbreviation of Bachelor of Science is made to be BSc so that your degree isn’t depreciated as BS
This Youtube Boxing is just Celebrity Death Match for this generation.
Why is it called a beeline if bees dont fly any kind of straight?
Catholic Priests should just wear Body Cams.
Most showerthoughts were not thought about in the shower
Why is it called a bee-line if bees dont fly straight?
When an idea comes to our mind, we show it as a light bulb. Then how did people before Edison represent a brilliant idea? 💡
I wonder if Phil Collins drives a Genesis
Kind of like how people add records skipping and popping to their songs now, I’ll bet in another thirty years they will add the sound of CDs skipping.
If you use a toilet to reach a higher spot, is it a stool stool?
Pants Pockets should be lined with microfiber cloth so that every time you remove your phone the screen is clean.
The earliest spoken languages probably didn’t have the word “language” in their vocabulary.
If you say the old me, you are referring to you in the past, but the old person is someone who is actually old.
There should be a reality show where flat-earthers have to find the edge of the world
What if split personalities results from a conflict between who you think you are and who someone else thinks you are?
They should create a reality show where flat-earthers have to find the edge of the world
I wish I was taught budgeting and how to complete tax forms in highschool.
If Alligators were wiped out with the dinosaurs we could consider them one, so are they a living dinosaur?
If ghosts Snapchat each other, do they really care if the image does'nt disappear moments later?
What if you made an VR program where you can put on a headset and virtually build your house and it makes blueprints that creates your real life house.
Can you eat something that doesn't weigh a pound and still gain a pound?
I wonder what Meat Loaf WON’T do for love...
If I was a rich girl...say I’d have all the money in the world
What if many of the "players" in your favorite online video games are actually AI bots learning from humans...
Slipping on banana peels hasn’t been as big a thing as I thought it would be
What colour is a mirror?
Did I remember to put shampoo in my hair?
Instead of waiting for advanced automation tech to make trucks safer, couldn't we just automate them using old technology.... as trains?
Where do hamsters live other than a pet shop?
In the cars world is racing considered more like running?
It's literally unfathomable how many inventions humans have made since fire, and it just keeps going. Cheers to the future, I suppose.
I never lost my virginity. I know exactly where I put it.
We should be more grateful cockroaches don’t bite
What if the only reason there aren't payphones anymore is to keep is trapped in the matrix.
Why is the warning that you need a new stick of deodorant basically a cheese grater on your armpit?
As a guy, no other guy has ever told me they really liked my new bathing suit.
When you talk about your brain are you talking in third person?
Who invented the high five? Like imagine thinking “I’m glad we succeeded in this task, let’s slap each other as hard as we can!”
I’d never want to go home if I were a crab. Have you seen what happens in crab houses?
Vehicles with bumper stickers just make me mad
Companies should consider putting the charging port on top of the phone, so when you roll in bed it has to pass your head, not your entire body or under you
How rich you need to be to know the difference between pursuit of happiness and pursuit of money?
Having a kid is like saying, “I’m so good at life, I’m gonna double down!”
Are you able to impersonate yourself, even if nobody thinks that you are dead?
I'm in IT. Every time I touch a users mouse, all I can think is they use the same hand to control the mouse that they use to jerk it.
What if some of the women featured in MILF porn aren't mothers at all!!!
One thing I learned from TV - Death is only permanent if you're unpopular.
I wonder how many service industry workers I interacted with went on to become famous.
Dogs are basically the only reason I'd want to believe in heaven.
If France Always Surrenders, How Did They Make An Empire?
Of course dogs go to heaven, how could there possibly be a heaven without Labrador retrievers?
No u is just a shortened version of I know you are but what am I
Why didn’t i realize this
If you punch yourself in the face and it hurts.... Does that make you weak or strong????
People have pee and scat fetishes, but I've never heard of someone having a mucus fetish, like "Oh yeah, I love it when you blow your nose all over me."
I wonder if anyone has ever successfully saddled and ridden a kangaroo.
It still shocks me to encounter people in online communities who carry a certain hatred for gaming, for computers or even just "nerdy things" in general.
The saying goes, The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now. Wouldn't the second best time be 19 years ago?
If you like girls, does that make you gay because girls like guys and your dating someone who likes guys?
9/11 and me
Why dont all dead trees warp from rain and just water in general? Wood wraps when bought from the store if not sealed. (I know some trees warp when growing, I'm saying why dont they bend like store bought wood when exposed to water for a long period?)
Why is remembering something recalling but calling someone again isn't recalling?
Stranger Things should transition into a Freaks and Geeks remake while never addressing the change
What would happen if a new singer named herself Madonna or Cher?
Not a thought but something cool i found (ig)— airpods don’t work when you’re near a running microwave. If you have airpods, try it.
What if fire burned like water flowed, and water like fire.
With the snappening happening I think we need a group of avengers.
The sting of a bee is the most instant karma thing I can think of.
If it's implied shaggy and Scooby are stoners, could Scooby snacks be LSD?
If we humans have accents can other animals?
Do as I say, not as I do.
Vampires had no mirror-image because mirrors were coated with silver. Nowadays it's mostly aluminium so they should reflect.
Why is “weird” and “deity” e before i but they don’t have a “c” or an A sound
I never owned a perfectly working HP printer.
Wouldn't iceberg lettuce be healthier than spinach if you are eating way more of it?
Can we trick a group of animal to form a cult and sacrifice foods to us?
I couldn't tell you the last time I saw an ice cube in the shape of a cube.
Only in video games does it make any sense to say "I tried to jump, but I accidentally fired my gun instead".
I've unthinkingly scratched my butt, picked my nose, etc. countless times on security cameras.
What if existence is just a Adam Sandler movie where he plays a famous actor who people commonly make fun of his movies.
The older you get, the harder it is to say "I love you" to someone.
If you don't remember what was before you were born, and won't remember anything when you're dead, how come we are conscious now?
What if you're an insane but you just don't realize it because everything seems normal to you?
You ever watch a movie with guns and notice how whenever people run out of ammo, they look at the gun puzzled?
My dick gets in the way most of the time. Maybe I should snip that nigga off ( ◜◡＾)っ✂╰⋃╯
I’m sure some kid’s uncle actually does work at Nintendo and nobody believes him.
After years of watching crime documentaries I have gathered that if your smile ‘lights up a room’ you’re much more likely to be murdered.
I wonder what the prettiest Neanderthal that ever existed looked like?
Do you ever think about how random people you have interacted with briefly online might now be dead?
In 100 years will the average starting salary be $1 million annually?
Why the hell doesn't all shampoo and body wash come in handsoap-like pump bottles??
I wonder how much carbon dioxide humans burp out in a year
If the lyrics to the song, The Middle by Zedd, was yelled out in a regular voice wouldn't it sound psychotic?
I saw a lot of bikes parked at the auto parts store. Makes sense when you think about it.
What if you’re the only insane person in the world and the world isn’t what you see it as, everything fake, not like the matrix, but insanity
The Final Jeopardy music is just the "I'm a Little Teapot" nursery rhyme.
If pigs could fly, would they also lay eggs?
If you take a picture of yourself in a mirror, did you take a picture of the mirror, or yourself?
Do vampires suck your blood for Vitamin D since they can't get it in the sun?
What exactly IS the Muppet Babies’ parental situation?
Google maps should tell you what lane to get on, in preparation for passing an accident.
Even though it's frequently portrayed this way in toys, drawings, and cartoons... I've never seen a cupcake with a cherry on top in real life.
Do colorblind people dream in color....
What if Quantum Physics are just bugs in the System?
Saying you're not on Facebook or don't use social media is today's version of saying you don't watch TV
While Facebook, Youtube and other sites are paranoid about copyrights, Instagram is completely anarchy of shitty reposts and content piracy and becomes 2010 Facebook 2.0
If we painted everybody the same color at birth, there would be no racism.
It's ironic how politicians call their opponents idiots while also accusing them of devious conspiracy theories that no idiot could possibly pull off.
If ghosts were real, wouldn’t hospitals be more haunted and have more sightings?
So women piss on a thing to find out if they are pregnant.
If the universe is a simulation to find out how long it takes us to achieve 100% renewable energy, that would mean oil and gas companies are saving the planet and the human race
Would time travellers end up having more orgies than none time travellers?
When I think of how I look like a sweaty ogre walking my dog every morning because the humidity is relentless, I think of Mother Earth talking in Samuel.L.Jackson’s voice and saying, “Say ‘what’ again. Say ‘what’ again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker. Say ‘what’ one more Goddamn time!"
A lot of things that dictate our life’s only have power because we decided that this should run our lives such as money, time etc
Almost all music is digital. We should have animated album covers.
You can tell alot about someone by whether or not they pronounce the "s" in Illinois.
If dogs peed Miracle Grow, people wouldn't get so enraged when [your dog's name] 'marks' their shrubs.
Consent seems to be very important in law. But I never consented to following the law.
If you told me two years ago that Elon Musk would be the laughing stock of Reddit and Sean Murray the hero, I would not have believed it.
Reddit is cult of all cults.
If fish had baths they would be out of dirt
The internet is just Battlefield of Ideas; Warfare of Words.
They never said humpty dumpty was an egg.
Are underwriter and subscriber technically the same word?
On the Earth are approximately 304 billions liter water in human bodys. This is still only 0,0000016% of the freshwater in lakes on earth. The USA could use this 8,5 thousand years long or fill 2.4 billions bath tubes.
Jesus should have made a leprosy vaccine. Curing one at a time is very inefficient.
If Apple made a car, would it have windows?
With the current heat in Europe I feel like a game character that takes heat damage for going in the sun without a proper equipment.
The best way to get karma right now is to just comment repost at every showerthought since almost everything is posted already.
This ‘is like/equivalent to’ shower thoughts are not LIKE actual shower thoughts.
Would a raisin be stoked about being called “plump”?
While Facebook, Youtube and other sites are paranoid about copyrights, Instagram is completely anarchy of stolen content and becomes 2010 Facebook 2.0
Important articles about anti-racism and anti-xenophobia should occasionally be titled things like "Mexicans are the worst" or "The jews are at it again". Racist people might actually read them then.
Spotify doesn't know that I'm listening to Dave Matthews Band ironically.
What if everyone has an allergic reaction to spicy foods, but we enjoy them for the sensation anyways
Is Disney running out of ideas ?
I can’t be the only one that gets Bill Bixby vibes when looking at Hugh Jackmen.
Do people retire every Friday then realize they need a job every Sunday night?
I could use a app like tinder where I could find friends who has similar interests with me
If artists don’t get their true value until they are dead, why don’t more artists paint variations of their death?
How long does the timespan for something that shines have to be to classify it as blinking?
What if when you're at work every time you look at the time you have to start the day over.
I wonder if the Queen thinks the whole world smells like fresh paint and floor cleaner.
Accidentally typing when your hands are not on the right keys must be what it's like to have a stroke. Sib;t tiy rgubja?
I like to think that Jehovah's witnesses use the monsters inc factory during the day to make the adults on the other side of the door scream for power...
I wonder, do people that drive cabs not own a car?
The First thing someone should Learn is they Have So Much to Learn, and being Wrong is a Good thing
Most mornings I want coffee so I can have the energy to make coffee
Mac computers are similar to firearms in the sense that pretty much the best defense for purchasing an expensive one is “ay fuck off, I like them”
If I ate myself would I become twice as big or dissapear completely?
We should feel really lucky that we are the most civilized and knowledgeable generation that ever excited,We are the latest update.
As someone who has lived in a warm country for years I can say that the sun is overrated.
It is strange that I can say that I use a smartphone nearly every day in my actual life but I can't say that I've ever used one in a dream
I can't wait to see the first police chase involving an A.I. driver and it would probably be really hard to catch.
A dragon breathes fire, but what proof do we have that dinosaurs didn't breathe fire?
Sometimes I wish I was the algae in between the rocks at the bottom of a pond.
We have all sorts of really advanced technology but I can still never understand the operator on the subway/metro
Instead of Bibles, Hotels should leave dictionaries in the drawer, and we should have vacation dictionary school added to our curriculums so we can improve basic education thru vocabulary
There should be a mandatory Learn How to Pay Your Taxes class in College or High School
What if animals learned to show kindness towards other species by being into contact with humans, as we generally show kindness towards other animals?
Why don't elevators have toggle buttons?
What if the universe itself has its own gravity and it will come to a point where it'll collapse in on itself just like a star would?
Whatever Really Happened to Robot Jones?
What if sex was like a weather report; 1-2 inches per hour.
If a ghost gets their period is it blood or ectoplasm?
If Mewtwo can never get caught, what would happen if he threw a pokèball at himself?
In a tournament, a coach will demand you to play every game as a final. But the final should be played as any other game.
When bullying is finally erased from the schools etc are we going to live in a world where nobody knows how to stand up for themselves?
If you get a tattoo, do you lower the resale value of your body?
I'm 19 so I could have had Fairy Godparents and don't Remember
What if each star was an ALU
Why do happy people listen to happy songs as if they’re not happy enough?
Sport is the biggest religion, which is why we need God-Mascots. We should have mascots that receive prayers, sacrifices and offerings for a blessed game.
Nothing strikes a nerve more than someone saying "Oh, looks like I struck a nerve"
I’m getting fed up with all the “underrated human skills” on this sub
I wonder if birds people-watch like people bird-watch.
I have never seen a girl on Unbox Therapy show, wait.. is Lew actually gay?
To seize the means of production can also mean to grab somebody by the genitalia
Hurricanes and Names
For Equality's sake, we should have a term as "LGBTQS" where S is 'Straight'.
If humans only farted about once per year, would we be excited or disgusted by our own farts?
Who the hell were the spy kids spying on?
I think it’s time reddit was told we don’t want fantasy championship belts
For a bee, protecting the nest is a suicide mission.
Excuse me, please.