You assume what your teacher says is right, but you would have to assume what their teacher says is right. But what if their teacher was wrong
What if the reason we can't discover other universes is because they're vibrating past each other, all on different frequencies so they can only move past each other?
You already pay for weed regularly through taxes and the war on drugs.
Why, just why?
Facebook is like a quarter that was trendy ten years ago; since everybody is there the hype is over and now it's going down the drain
Opening the door after a hot shower is what I imagine letting air back into a vacuum feels like.
It's not even illegal to bring your own snacks to the cinema and yet we handle it as if it was a huge crime to do so
In the future the videogames will be called games
Most "faith in humanity restored" posts are really just species wide "So I got that goin' for me, which is nice" memes.
Cannibalism has the potential to solve both hunger and overpopulation problems
If dentists make money off people with bad teeth. Why do we buy toothpaste that 4/5 dentists recommend?
I bet cats much prefer to sleep on more cushy obese people than non obese people.
It should be socially acceptable to cancel plans with close friends for no reason whatsoever, instead of having to come up with lame excuses.
Facebook and Messenger mobile apps are extremely buggy, but they don't need to be fixed. People will still use them however buggy they may be because we've grown addicted to them.
What if we are Characters of some aliens version of Sims...
I wonder how many presidential tweets Trump has thumbed out while taking a shit.
The more reddit karma you get from r/imgoingtohellforthis, the more karma you lose in real life
There should be bars of shampoo to save plastic
"Wife Swap," the television show, would be a lot more interesting if it took on the same meaning as in porn.
If you eat pussy but there’s a dick in it, is that gay?
The insanely picky automods on showerthoughts probably eliminate a ton of really interesting shower thoughts.
“I’m up for that” and “I’m down for that” mean the same thing
Atleast 17% of PewDiePie's subscribers might be dead.
Humans still believed the Earth was the center of the Universe for more than 50 years after Christopher Columbus first landed in the Americas
A building is called a building even though it’s already built.
When I say “Dirty teeth” I noticed that a lot of people pass their tongue on their teeth.
If I could go back in time 20 years, but have access to wiktionary and Google Translate, I'd be the greatest linguist on earth.
Sometimes if I think too much about being alive, I get really scared and close my eyes till it goes away.
How would you really tell someone it’s Opposite Day?
Do you refer to yourself as your brain, or your body?
I don't care about football at all until the World Cup arrives.
I don't think I've ever met someone named Larry that didn't have a mustache.
I wonder what it would feel like if I just make the water really cold.
If you have a vocal cord transplant, would your voice still be yours?
I don't care about football at all until the World Cup arrives.
All my life I have never seen a Chinese restaurant commercial
Never thought I’d live to see the day that most people now brag to their friends and associates about eating ass.
i wonder if a murderer has thought about killing me and thought "nah"
Any time someone is 1/2 second late accelerating when a stoplight turns green, I assume they’re on their stupid phone.
Day 345 without Game of Thrones:
If an Orca can kill a Great White with ease, why isn’t there an Orca week?
What if when we die the brain makes his last move and lets the moment continiue for as long as real life, tricking itself that it survived and nothing serious happened(for example waking up in a hospital).
Growing up is a lot like levelling up in a game; but instead of being blessed magical abilities you get cursed with acne
Beer gives you a beer belly, so if you get fat from the munchies your stomach should be called a pot belly.
Some should sell 'apocalypse insurance' to religious nuts and then they'll only have to pay out rewards if the world ends
People who advertise girls toys have no idea they're really advertising them to boys, because Barbies doesn't play Game of Thrones, they take their clothes off, have tea parties and everyone is still a lesbian.
Boo from Monsters Inc. (2001) is about 20, how is she doing?
If you say you hear voices in your head, you’re considered insane. If you say God spoke to you and told you something, you are considered religious.
There are few scenarios in which your loved ones would be happier if you failed than if you succeeded. Suicide is one of them.
Since everyone in the world is technically family, having sex with your girlfriend/boyfriend is also technically incest. Its like fucking your mom's cousin's cousin's sister's cousin's brother's cousin's daughter/son...
Unless you are born into wealth in America, you are a slave to it's ideology
People who advertise girls toys have no idea they're really advertising them to boys, because once Barbie is finished playing Game of Thrones, they take their clothes off, have tea parties and everyone is still a lesbian.
Like quicksand, having a “kick me” sticker secretly stuck on turned out to be a much smaller problem than expected.
I should ask people to spell Gonorrhea on the first date and if they succeed there shouldnt be a second date.
If someone says "No homo" before declaring that he is definately gay, does that make him gay?
Can patent fraud exist in time travel circumstances?
"That person has failed more than anybody that works here" and "That person has the most experience out of everybody that works here" is probably referencing the same person.
Blind people have the lowest electricity bills
Traffic light should have progress bars
Our brain makes us move our body parts almost automatically, like we don’t even think about it and how am I thinking right now and how are my fingers typing exactly what I want to say right now and holy crap I am actually reading what I just wrote right now without even thinking of doing it.
Charles Darwin was racist
Ever since trump the president became president, i really hate the phrase "trumps" because of how vastly different they are from eachother.
You ever have those dreams that are so engaging and fulfilling and then you wake up and realize none of it was true, standing in the shower depressed
Applying to work for a PopALock position is one of the few jobs where past-experiences should not be listed under your qualifications.
Guys have to register as a sex offender for urinating in public (a natural function), but women get praised and supported for bearing their breasts to breastfeed in public (another natural function). What a world we live in.
The amount of trust that we put into a pea sized amount of dish-soap to save us from all of the bacteria our food contains that will kill us is pretty remarkable.
We think it’s gross when hundred or thousands of bugs are crawling around in a big clump, but that’s all that cities are for humans.
California is like Texas for liberals
Characters in sitcoms rarely ever laugh at eachother's jokes or funny moments
Multi-taco meals should include an extra tortilla to catch the spillage from the filled tacos to make a bonus taco.
The ducktail hairstyle in the 50's evolved to the mullet in the 80's
What if people do big, evil things because they want to be remembered.
In this second: When I click on the Spacebar, about 100.000 people do the same.
Is the Krusty Krab not in chaos when SpongeBob and Squidward appear in scenes together that arent set at the Krusty Krab?
What if ghosts are real but only mess with a tiny number of people to make them seem crazy?
What if Smell-O-Vision never took off because it wasn't adopted by the porn industry?
I can’t get the temperature right
I can’t change the future.
My math teachers were all about simplifying things while my English teachers tried to complicate things
I wonder what percentage of the total internet I've clicked on in my lifetime.
What if the social structure of humanity was based around Weenus size
You ever leave your house with a fly in the car and finally get him out miles away from home...do you think about his family and how he’ll never see them again?
Why does the water temperature keep changing even though im not touching the tap
There are so many pets who live a way more luxurious life than I do.
What would a country created from scratch today be like, if someone found a huge undiscovered landmass that apparently hasn’t been discovered yet and people started settling there?
What if Creasy in Man on Fire didn’t die, and just retired as Robert McCall in the Equalizer? So Equalizer is the sequel to Man on Fire.
The leasing manager at my apartment is at my apartment more than I am.
They should create a "Madea Dates Uncle Drew" Movie
There isn’t there a saying for a cough, like there’s bless you for a sneeze and excuse me/you for a fart and burp.
Is it still a NSFW pic if you work as a pornstar?
To my fellow artists: Is my idea unique because it's good and innovative, or because nobody was stupid enough to do it before?
Hopefully the future children of people who end sentences with "you can even ask my parents", also say this, so these people get inundated with questions, because that's what they deserve
I'd rather have a female cat or dog just so i don't have to touch their dicks.
I'm 90% sure that as soon as you go to unlimited data, cell companies throttle your bandwidth
"I can imagine" and "I can't imagine" are used in the same way when consoling someone.
I’ve never used the phrase “there she blows” literally.
It should be a ticketable offense at a traffic light with no turn lane to wait until you and everyone behind you are at a complete stop before turning on your turn signal.
I haven’t lost my virginity because I never loose.
The expression 'follow the road' never made any sense to me. How do you ‘follow’ a road? Roads are static; they never move.
Of course the thing you were looking for was found “in the last place I looked”. Once it was found, you stopped looking.
Did one of you tell Stanley I have asthma? Cause I don't. If it gets out they won't let me scuba. And if I can't scuba, then what's this all been about???
Considering the fact a car is a 2 ton metal contraption built and designed to withstand impact, people should be running inside cars instead of stepping out of them in disaster movies.
I need to buy more body wash
Whoever decided that unplugging your headphones should pause your audio instead of switching it to your phone speakers is truly an unsung hero
I wonder if twins ever realize that one of them was unplanned.
What if god created evolution to do his job for him?
Does a short giraffe think it's tall because it's a giraffe, or short because it's a short giraffe?
what if minecraft was an alteration of the real world?
Why can't you make your own security question?
I wonder if twins ever realize that one of them was an accident.
I wonder if the give out dentist awards on plaques
If twins are born 2 minutes apart at 11.59pm and 12.01am respectively, do they have different birth dates?
What if Anti-Vaxxers are actually a Doomsday Cult posing as ignorant people because it's the perfect camouflage in our society these days?
Do giraffes and elephants look at us the same way we look at bugs?
Men Of Honor at weddings should drop red wine or sauce on any woman wearing white besides the bride.
Like quicksand, I used to think having a “kick me” sticker secretly put on my back was going to be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be.
Robert Duvall should play Ed Harris' father in some movie.
Reddit is cool because there arent many emojis used here.
Think about what’s not been put in between a hot dog roll?
Somebody was the very first person on reddit to say "[Am or Was] [noun or adjective]. Can confirm."
What does water taste like?
I wonder how mad the first person was that fell for the joke “what did the hand say to the face?”
After reading shower thoughts too frequently, you start saying "huh" to yourself less often then you once did.
Is a Captian's Log a manlier version of a diary?
Drugs... Fake Reality!
In my whole life, I have never seen either a Kettle of Fish or a Ball of Wax
A lethal dose is also a lifetime supply
We call it the letter W, but it looks like two Vs. Why not call it double V?
Weaponized Gentrification: coordinating large group of young liberals to otherwise dilapidated areas claimed by others.
Cats leaving dead animals out for their humans as gifts is a lot like ancient humans making sacrifices to their gods.
A bukakke is basically a babyshower
What if you had sex with an invisible person?
Nothing disgusts me, unless i don't know where it came from.
We should be paying less for a digital version of a new game since we are unable to sell it when we are done playing.
The worst part of getting a new phone is that it needs to relearn not to autocorrect to ducking.
Global warming is the equivalent of our bodies having a temperature when we’re sick
Companies that have a "customer is always right" policy are unethical because they value making money above justice and fairness.
AutoParts stores should really be required to have a bike rack in front.
No matter how good any other basketball player is or was. I still say Kobe when I shoot something into to the trash. Then Shaq if I miss it.
Abolishing the duel was the worst thing to happen to America. #showerthoughts
Maybe reddit is cool because there arent many emojis used here.
"Get me your manager!" Is the adult equivalent of "I'M TELLING DAD."
The phrase "I know it like the back of my hand" made a lot more sense back when everyone wore watches.
In the near future there will be fake A.I. celebrities, with online personas and features in various advertisements, that people will worship.
Why have touch screen flip phones not become a thing? It seems the perfect way to protect the screens.
I wonder if an artist singing their best of songs over and over during their career is as annoying as a retail/food worker repeatedly asking the same questions to customers.
Every time there's a screenshot with an Android back button I push it more times than I probably should.
I'm not sure what happens to your Spotify account when you die but it should be archived in some way so loved ones can go back and remember you through the music you listened to
Isn't it weird that tadpoles look like semen?
What if you tell a mute person easier said than done?
If I travel to a country that’s 12 hours behind my own, I will gain time
He awkward gap between millenials and gen x should be the meme generation
I hope cavemen had good BBQ.
If head lights which are on the front of the car on the head, does that make the engine the the central brainstem?
I was born into the wrong era. I'm 17 but I love everything made in the 80's and hate everything made today. I'd rather be in 1980 than 2080: More futuristic.
I’m going to be the last person to die in my life.
You sucky sucky?
It must be very not cool to be deaf and read something strange here on reddit, asking "what?" and having the AreYouDeaf bot shout at you
You tell a 6 year old that they're alone in a room for 45 minutes and they're devastated. You tell you a 16 year old they've got 45 minutes alone in a room and they're excited.
At any point on any given moment we can choose to do whatever we want based on "free will" whether the consequences are good or bad. But, because of money, that free will has been essentially removed and we're now kept controlled based on how much money we have.
Riddles where you have to continue number series are bullshit because you can just put in any number and then come up with crazy rules that make this series true
People love to say “I actually didn’t ask for your opinion” when their tweets/statuses are criticised but that’s literally what you’re doing when you share on a public forum that anyone can access
If God created the Sun on the fourth day, how did the first three days happen?
Nothing is impossible, yet I do nothing every day.
If a pizza place ALWAYS has a "deal", is it really a deal then?
Butterflies are moths with makeup on
In a tournament every game should be played as a final. Except for the final, that should be played as any normal game.
what if we are actually dead and the ghosts we hear about in ghost stories are real people?
There should be a booking site that filters out hotels that use "sheets wrapped around a gross blanket" as comforters
We've all seen Queen Elizabeth ii but how many of us have actually heard her speak?
I've seen Queen Elizabeth ii so many times but ive never heard her speak
Quicksaving is the gaming equivalent of saying "hey, watch this!" Or "hold my beer".
Why are the plugs on manufacture smartphone charge cables straight and not at a 90° angle like most laptop power cords, that prevent bending and shorting out?
When I see someone walking by themself, I think they are doing it because they wanted to be alone. When I walk by myself, I think everyone knows how lonely I am
I am way too optimistic about the likelihood I will find an arrowhead on the ground when I go hiking.
The most used phrase in a relationship ‘ouch you’re on my hair’
What if period cramps are just preparing you for childbirth.
What happens when someone younger than 21 and unaccompanied breaks an expensive bottle of alcohol at a store?
Car keys should have a beeper that sounds when your car alarm does
When assuring someone that you didn't do something, saying "I swear I didn't do this!" sounds a lot less trustworthy than "I promise I didn't do this!" for some reason.
What if there really are time travelers that don't impact the world enough to notice?
There are horrifying stories of survivors of the paranormal, imagine the stories of the ones that did not survive
The person who tells you "don't move a muscle" is moving muscles.
Why isn’t there a “child’s day”?
SoundHound is nice, but what I really need is an app that tells me what other song that one part of the song I'm listening to reminds me of.
If it is 'Italy' and 'Italian', then it should be 'Germany' and 'Germanian' not 'German'
There should be a universal hand motion to tell someone their turn signal is on.
I wonder if the people involved in the development of nuclear bombs during WW2 felt guilty after they were used on Hiroshima.
You couldn't pay me a dollar to individually pick up 100 pennies, or pay me 100 pennies to pick up a single dollar.
How do you even know. You know that yiu know? How do you that you know. You can't know that you know, or what you know, ya know?
Aren't all national anthems technically country music?
There are millions of memes in other languages that I’ll never see or understand
After a breakup, I think one of the low-key saddest things is watching your ex tumble down the rankings of people who viewed your story on Instagram
Do spells make noise when they are cast, or is that just added into the movies afterwards like punch and kicks noises?
Do dogs ever see police dogs and freak out because it's a cop?
Why don’t cars auto lock?
Why do some grey(white) hair start greying from the middle? Hmm..
Sometime in the next decade my generation is going to have to brace itself for an onslaught of insults regarding being so old we were born in a different millenium.
How come we have to put flavoring on beef if we have beef flavoring for things that aren't beef?
When I was 15, weddings were awful because I had to spend the whole day with my family. Now that I’m 31, they’re awesome for the same reason.
I'm betting HOb's (b for burger) reveal is fake...just temporary viral marketing genius
Can you be in a bad in a mood while eating cereal?
I've never met someone that confused "Eminem" with "M&M" when talking to that person.
If you suspect someone of fake sleeping, you can always yell "**I know you are fake sleeping**", that way, if they really were faking, they'll think "WTF, how did they know", but if they really were sleeping, they didn't hear you anyway and nothing happens.
SNL should get two female cast members and do "Father Lover", the female equivalent of Lonely Island's "Mother Lover".
On father's day, fathers should be sent to spend the day with other fathers
A television channel playing "The Lion King" on Father's Day is the equivalent of playing "Bambi" on Mother's Day: why?
If a viagra pill gets stuck in your throat does your neck become longer?
I keep my circle of friends small. The blunt comes back to me faster.
I once considered being a palm reader. On one hand, I thought I might make a fortune but on the other hand, I couldn't really see a future in it.
When I realize "be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet" sounds extremely Minnesota nice to me.
I don't think the creator of the 5k race realized how much influence he would have on cancer awareness
What if ibuprofen doesn't actually cure headaches but it's just the water we drink to take them that does
When are they going to make a microwave that flip my frozen burrito over halfway through on its own?
Why do we live on land if the water on Earth is 71% and ours is 60%?
If Sponge Bob is absorbent and lives in Bikini Bottom does that make him a tampon?
We choose our shampoo according to how much it offends us. Standing in front of shelf: "for dry, greasy, ugly splitted hair" and thinks. Nice its for me
What is the best thing you can gift to a psychopath?
I think tge nail brush is my favourite grooming tool.
When I was a kid, we used to joke about how any silly thing that happened had “traumatized you”. Now, the news is filled with so much horror, that following it genuinely IS traumatic.
Not saying I agree with flat-earthers, but for most people, the only reason that they know that the earth is round is because someone else told them that when they were young.
What do menstruating nudists do?
If we can't be 100% sure of anything, can we be 100% sure that we can't be 100% sure of anything?
If you drink half of a 5 hour energy do you get 2 1/2 hours of energy or 1/2 the energy for 5 hours?
What if
What if all the kids who were "healthy sized" in school were actually taking adderall the whole time?
In a pop song there is a lyric that goes I'm in the fast lane from la to Tokyo
Do voice actors get more excited when someone recognizes their voice or someone recognizes their face at a Con?
waiting for that day to begin, when i actually begin to realise, it is the time to begin.
You would think kidney beans are named after kidneys but what if kidneys are shaped after beans?
What if Tom Cruise’s mission impossible movies are stories about what has happened to him since joining Scientology.
If you suspect someone of fake sleeping, yelling "I know you're fake sleeping is a win-win situation, if they weren't faking, then nothing happens and they didn't hear you, but if they really were faking, then they'll think "How the hell did he/she know"
Are there anti-vax movements when it comes to the typical household pet?
I need somebody needs to remind me to delete social media next time there is a significant “National Day”
This current moment is the youngest I will ever be.
If something never happens and then never happens again has that something never happened more than once or was it never happening the whole time and if it was can it ever not happen again or is it just not happening until it happens?
Sometimes I feel like I’m living in someone else’s shitty alternative reality.
I imagine that every human being is the first person to do a very specific thing.
When characters in shows say “not even a parking ticket on their record”, I now understand how great a feat that is thanks to the Atlanta police.
I’ve been rejected from so many jobs I’m becoming an incel, but for employment
If we’re going to throw around the term “Millennial” with such disdain, may I suggest that we replace it with a less generation-specific term that more accurately reflects our intent, like “piece-of-shit-kids.”
I wonder how many racial slurs are spelt out in unopened cans of alphabetical soup
There must have had been many times when I took snower and didn't think about anything, but I don't remember it because I didn't think anything about it.
When asking someone via text whether they say jif or gif kind of proves it should be said gif
I wonder if dogs and cats think that you literally light up the room you're in since we have the habit of turning the lights on when we enter a dark room
News is news because it's new. If it was meant to inform it'd probably be something like "knews"?
What if trees were the size of grass and grass was the size of trees.
There will likely never be another man-made object to overtake Voyager I.
Do dogs know what light switches are? Or do they think humans magically light up the room with their presence?
If you become 5 times larger, does the world appear 5 times smaller?